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Help for a father close to incest

Open Discussions About Sexual Abuse and Incest.

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You are entering a forum that contains discussions of abuse, some of which are explicit in nature. The topics discussed may be triggering to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum. If you are posting about actions of yours which you feel are/were abusive please post about this in The Remorse Forum. If you have been falsely accused of abusing someone please post in the For Those Falsely Accused of Abusing thread.

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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby user68858 » Fri Feb 13, 2015 9:23 am

I totally agree with seabreezeblue regarding this. What you should be aware of is that it can be just as damaging and harmful for this daughter being inappropriately loved by her father as it would be if he actually did something sexual/physical. I am not very familiar at all with this personally but have read many times of survivors struggling with the effects of this. The name for this is emotional incest or covert incest, you can read up on the internet about it, and its seen as a form of abuse. So I really agree with the suggestion that if sexual abuse has happened that you report it, and that they ideally both go to a therapist (individually and/or both).

You also never expanded on what the "crossing boundaries" consisted of, so only you and much more the father actually knows whats going on, and you have to consider that the father hasn't told you the whole truth. but as I said a father being in love with his daughter and committing emotional incest can be just as harmful as any other form of abuse. Out of friendship and loyalty it must be hard knowing what to do, but you must do the right thing here. Here are two articles about the subject and its effects. I hope they get the help they need.

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/ ... dult-life/

http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=13855.0
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby ventura23 » Sat Feb 14, 2015 7:16 pm

sharie21kt9 wrote:A long time friend of mine admitted to me that his wife left him and took their 13 yr old daughter accusing him of molestation. He and the daughter firmly deny any sexual activity. A rape kit was done and corroborated their statements. But he admits to crossing boundaries and being in love with his daughter. Obvious pause to say wife has been absent from the marriage since its inception. He, from what I can ascertain, has taken all of the affections he should have for a wife and spread them among his children but the romantic aspect fell firmly to the eldest daughter. He says she is perfect and is quite ashamed, distraught, experiencing tons of self loathing. He doesn't want to be in love with his own child how does he find help? a therapist? medications? what can he do to get past through over these feelings? How can his daughter be helped? He says she was aware of being too close almost like boyfriend and girlfriend. What assistance will she need? Who can he ask and be safe? Where can the daughter be safe because the mother ( absent wife) is bi-polar and almost never medicated? How can I help them?


This man is a child molester and needs to be arrested, that will stop him.
I have sympathy for his poor daughter who lost her innocence subjecting her to be easily tempted by other abusers. She needs professional help.
I have had this happen to my younger sister, her life was ruined.
I would like 5 minuets with that sick b......d
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby seabreezeblue » Sun Feb 15, 2015 1:01 am

ventura23;

please do be aware that sharie21kt9 (the Op) has stated that no sexual abuse has happened.. note this part of the post;
nothing sexual actually happened.


If thoughts had moved on to physical action, I would agree that an arrest should be made.

I was abused as a child myself and I've spent a long time very gradually healing from everything.. i'm still not quite there yet and perhaps never will be but I sincerely hope that the child in question in this thread is entirely unaware of her fathers sexual attraction towards her..
Emotional incest can be really damaging to a persons sense of self and ability to live an independent life but if the father can be persuaded by sharie to seek help now, perhaps his daughter will be okay and won't ever need to wander into this forum herself.

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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby BiB » Sun Feb 15, 2015 1:07 am

What is the Op?
-------

Sorry for my English, Im not a native.
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby seabreezeblue » Sun Feb 15, 2015 1:10 am

Sorry, I've been hanging around the internet too long.. ''Op'' means ''original poster/opening poster''
as in; the person that created the thread.

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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby ventura23 » Sun Feb 15, 2015 7:49 pm

seabreezeblue wrote:ventura23;

please do be aware that sharie21kt9 (the Op) has stated that no sexual abuse has happened.. note this part of the post;
nothing sexual actually happened.


If thoughts had moved on to physical action, I would agree that an arrest should be made.

I was abused as a child myself and I've spent a long time very gradually healing from everything.. i'm still not quite there yet and perhaps never will be but I sincerely hope that the child in question in this thread is entirely unaware of her fathers sexual attraction towards her..
Emotional incest can be really damaging to a persons sense of self and ability to live an independent life but if the father can be persuaded by sharie to seek help now, perhaps his daughter will be okay and won't ever need to wander into this forum herself.

xx


Yes I was very angry because it happened to my daughter by her father.
Last night I had a dream where my departed husband asked me a question in the dream, he asked what is the word for sorrow. when I woke in the morning I believe he gave me a message asking for forgiveness.
I forgave him and my anger was gone.
Christ said on the cross "forgive them Father for they know not what they do. That is the truth.
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby EternalMystery » Mon May 18, 2015 2:49 pm

BiB wrote:...when I read: absent wife, bipolar woman, I heard an alarm. Usually these women go with weak men very compliant (self-destructively too)....


I have to disagree. As a woman with bipolar, I have not chosen weak or compliant partners. Personally, I have found a supportive partner is much more suitable. Please don't make a sweeping statement about a whole group of people, based on what a few or even several might do.
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby Perky101 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 10:08 am

Protection of the child is first and foremost here, and I'm not insinuating that she is in danger of an incestuous sexual molestation. I'm saying that the normal father/daughter situation needs to be completely re established here in order for her to embrace him as her parent and have no confusion concerning their relationship. She needs to see him as her protector, her guardian, her rock. This is what's best for his daughter! I realize, it's not sexual, so suck it up, be a man, and be a father!
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Re: Help for a father close to incest

Postby quietgirl2538 » Sun Apr 30, 2017 4:18 pm

Yes, he must be a real father to her, but if he is incapable of changing how he is, then she must be protected. And he needs professional help if he wants to overcome this. It's just a fact that some people either can't do it on their own and/or are never able to change their ways.
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