How are you doing today.? *may trigger*

A few days earlier I talked about how things were going great in a friendship that I was in with a man who meant a lot to me. I spoke too soon. I had to end the friendship last night. I treasured this friendship. I have always been inappropriate in that I have always jumped right into bed with men; overshared to the point that I was practically breaking pieces of me off and giving it to them. All of the classic behaviors that someone like me has left over from the sexual behaviors thrust upon me as a child. I don’t want to go into the details but it was at a point that I wasn’t taking care of myself by continuing the friendship. I am hurting so badly it is hard to breathe. I feel like I am in the throws of withdrawal from some strong drug. This friendship meant so very much to me I can’t put it into words. I haven’t slept. I can’t eat. I can’t stop crying. I am bi-polar and it is necessary for me to get adequate rest and to eat regularly. I am in a downward spiral and I don’t think I can pull out of it. How do I let myself get so attached to someone that it is unhealthy? I am a barnacle!

nmk1226 wrote:
A few days earlier I talked about how things were going great in a friendship that I was in with a man who meant a lot to me. I spoke too soon. I had to end the friendship last night

This friendship meant so very much to me I can’t put it into words. I haven’t slept. I can’t eat. I can’t stop crying. I am bi-polar and it is necessary for me to get adequate rest and to eat regularly. I am in a downward spiral and I don’t think I can pull out of it. How do I let myself get so attached to someone that it is unhealthy? I am a barnacle!

I'm so sorry to read this

i was really pleased for you when i read your last post, Hang in there and i hope that you can get some sleep and maybe that will help you to be able to eat something ... Life can be so cruel

Jake x

I'm feeling incredib)y suicidal
The sound of me being molested is always in the back of my mind
I couldn't breathe couldn't move as my co-worker and manager were molesting me as they drained from me all of my energy
I can't blink without feeling this incredib)y icky disgusting poisonous hatred
I still can feel myself laying there devoid of all energy
And the nasty whore still hasn't even apologised

I'm not myself anymore and I never will be
They robbed me of my happiness my security blanket my safety shell my vital life force
I'll probably kill myself and I hope they know it's because of them.

^^^

Have you had any counselling? Do you still work with them?

Are you safe?

Too many people have killed themselves because of what has happened to them. Please try to keep fighting and don't let them win.

Stay safe. Take care

I started watching a programme on the TV just now (Abused - the untold story - BBC1) its about children that were sexually abused and speak out later in life .. my Mum switched the channel over and looked at me and said "that's not like us - we're different" ? does that mean she knows its wrong ? or does she believe its different ?

i'm 20 years old, i'm 6'2" tall - i play rugby at a high amateur standard, and yet i still cant say no to my Mum for fear of hurting her ? what the **** is wrong with me

Jake x

Hi Jake

It sounds to me, as though your mum knows what's happening is wrong. Before I left home my stepfather would turn anything off linked to sexual abuse.

Have you thought about leaving? Height, build etc, doesn't really matter unfortunately. A mod once mentioned 'stockholm syndrome' to me. I thought she was wrong, but I can see why she mentioned it. We give into them, so we don't hurt them or through the fear of the consequences of what happens if we don't comply. Either way they win until we get the courage to step out and away from the power and control they have over us.

Be kind to yourself Jake.

Take care

I think this thread is a great idea for people to get out what their day has contributed to their abusive symptoms. I am all for it. Today, my husband is triggering me talking about money which is depressing because I have my own symptoms to deal with. I also had therapy today and talked a great deal about my trauma which can always be triggering to discuss my childhood incest. I am trying to distract myself for the moment. Also a new member and glad to be here.

Sending warm hugs your way

Hi Hope

Welcome to the forum.

Sounds like you're having a rough day. Can you tell your hubby he is triggering you? Therapy is always difficult especially when you are processing trauma. Are you able to have time to take care of you?

Take care

Thank you for your warm welcome. My husband does have Bipolar which can be challenging. I am going through a great deal and ashamed to admit not really focusing on self care at this moment. My husband is triggering me about spending money on cigarettes right now so nervous which I could stop know there expensive and not helping my health. It just stinks to have it thrown in your face on a daily basis. One day I got a soda he flipped out on me about that too. I really do not think he understands how much he is triggering me. Do you have any self care ideas.

Thank you Smurf .. i realise that my build is irrelevant but i think i was just trying to emphasise that i'm a big lad that plays a tough physical contact sport and that i'm not a wimpy mummy's boy (although it probably seems like that) .. i have thought about leaving, i was offered a chance to play semi pro for a club that is quite a long way from where we live, but when i told my Mum about it she got really upset so i did'nt take up the offer, i am the only family she has (its been just me and her since she gave birth to me)

Thank you for your kind words .. and i hope you are managing to stay safe, i know your situation is 100 x's worse than mine

Welcome to the forum Hope, there are many people on here that will be able to offer you some really good advice and help you through your own situation .. i'm sorry to hear that your husband puts a few £££'s before your feelings, Take Care

Jake x