Maybe my brother sexually abused me.

At the moment in T we are looking at my brothers abusive behaviour just physical, but I want to know if his behaviours growing are typical of a sibling. I know I was sexually abused at some time just not sure by whom.
When I was about 7 or 8 and he was 11 or 12 he would often straddle me and tickle me and hold my hands above my head. He would also burn me with cigarettes. I remember one incident where he covered my mouth and said that if I told mum something bad would happen. Also all through my teen years he seemed interested in my menstrual cycle and on more than one occasion he stood at the door of my bedroom while i had sex with a boyfriend, I don't know how long he stood there for. Also when I first started using make up he said I looked like a w****.

Just wanted to know if maybe it was likely given his behaviour.

Well, there are two different things that I am picking up on.

The first is that it's possible your brother is a sadist (burning you with cigarettes and such). It is also possible that he was acting out extreme anger/aggression (for whatever reason). Do you remember what he was like when he did these things? Did he seem amused? Did he seem angry?

In any case, none of that was appropriate or acceptable, and yes it was physically abusive behavior.

The second thing is that your brother seemed (in my opinion) oddly interested in your puberty, possibly also in your sexuality in general.

My understanding is that typically, siblings do not want to imagine each other having sex, let alone purposefully watch. Also my understanding is that most boys think periods are kind of gross and creepy and worst, and are totally oblivious/disinterested at best. So I think this stuff is potentially odd by itself. But as far as abuse and labeling goes, his actual actions described (standing at the door to watch or listen to you having sex) in my opinion is a form of sexual abuse, because he was violating your sexual boundaries in terms of your privacy. (I'm assuming there was a timeline leap here and the two of you were at least mid-older teens during this, but I should ask, is that correct?) (Also, I would normally inquire about the possibility that he had protective feelings of you and was thus bothered/vigilant about a boyfriend having sex with you, but based on the other details you've provided your post, that seems very unlikely.)

Also, I consider it a very important detail that he threatened you and made it clear he didn't want you to tell your mother. This is important because it indicates that he knew what he was doing was wrong (hence his fear that he could get 'busted' and suffer consequences/punishment if adults were to find out about what he was doing). Also, this was mental abuse, in my opinion.

Then we have verbal abuse when he called you that.

So in my opinion, it is safe to conclude that your brother definitely had some issues, several of his behaviors were abusive, he violated boundaries, he knew what he was doing was wrong, he may have been sadistic or acting our a great deal of rage (but either way that situation wasn't good or normal), and he seemed preoccupied with your sexuality.

Perhaps the abuse you elude to, that you are trying to figure out 'by whom', is your brother. It definitely seems plausible to me. But two things to consider:

1. Even if it wasn't your brother who did certain things, I still think it is important regardless to be focusing on these things about your brother, because clearly those situations were messed up.

2. Even if your brother did do some of the certain things, there is a significant possibility that someone abused your brother, as well (which is a possible explanation for some of his behaviors). And whoever abused your brother, may have also had access to you (this is actually extremely likely, if it turns out your brother was also abused).

Anyway, sorry, I am almost never able to give a short, straightforward on-topic answer. I just launch into these long, analyzing posts almost by default.

Your question: I want to know if his behaviours growing are typical of a sibling.
My Answer: Hell No

Hiya..

I'm really really sorry that you went through all of that. He absolutely physically and emotionally abused you and no, that is definitely not normal/typical of a sibling. Him burning you is disgusting.

can i ask how you know you were sexually abused please..? please be really gentle with yourself if you're trying to unlock memories that you've spent time blocking out..

gentle hugs if you'd like them xx

Thank you coppermoon and scepticalblahblah for your responses.
I know I was molested by a family friend as I have had flashbacks but I also have flashbacks with the other person obscured.
I will raise this with my t soon.