I might have been sexually abused but cant remember?

Now that there is more awareness of sexual abuse and it's effects it dawned on me that I could have been abused and repressed it or simply was too young to remember. A few people, including my old therapist had asked my parents if I had been abused as well. I always said I wasn't but now I am not so sure. As a kid I used to be very outgoing but when I hit kindergarden I suddenly changed, becomming very withdrawn for no apparent reason. I have always known the concept of rape and sexual harrassment at an early age. I remember making having my Ken rape Barbie. I also remember being innapropriate kids my age as well as with my cousin. I remember asking him to take his pants off but he wouldnt. When I got older and started developing breasts I was really ashamed of them and wore really baggy clothes and didnt take care of myself, maybe to deter people from finding me attractive so no one would touch me?. This is also when my self esteem really plummited and I started cutting as well. I still cut and feel like a worthless, empty person. My sexuality is very strange as well. I dont really enjoy sex but i do it often and have had many partners. I know i do it only because i objectify myself and when someone wants me it makes me feel i have some worth for a little while. I especially still get turned on by rape or being submissive. Also thought i should point out that Ive always felt really uncomfortable around my Dad, like i need to cover up and run away. My sister says the same thing about him and both of us have had sex and relationships with older men eventually. It could be possable for all these things to be coincidental and that i was never abused? I try really hard but I dont really remember anything. What do you think? I would appreciate any feedback.

Obsidian_Rose wrote:Now that there is more awareness of sexual abuse and it's effects it dawned on me that I could have been abused and repressed it or simply was too young to remember. A few people, including my old therapist had asked my parents if I had been abused as well. I always said I wasn't but now I am not so sure. As a kid I used to be very outgoing but when I hit kindergarden I suddenly changed, becomming very withdrawn for no apparent reason. I have always known the concept of rape and sexual harrassment at an early age. I remember making having my Ken rape Barbie. I also remember being innapropriate kids my age as well as with my cousin. I remember asking him to take his pants off but he wouldnt. When I got older and started developing breasts I was really ashamed of them and wore really baggy clothes and didnt take care of myself, maybe to deter people from finding me attractive so no one would touch me?. This is also when my self esteem really plummited and I started cutting as well. I still cut and feel like a worthless, empty person. My sexuality is very strange as well. I dont really enjoy sex but i do it often and have had many partners. I know i do it only because i objectify myself and when someone wants me it makes me feel i have some worth for a little while. I especially still get turned on by rape or being submissive. Also thought i should point out that Ive always felt really uncomfortable around my Dad, like i need to cover up and run away. My sister says the same thing about him and both of us have had sex and relationships with older men eventually. It could be possable for all these things to be coincidental and that i was never abused? I try really hard but I dont really remember anything. What do you think? I would appreciate any feedback.

Hi
I am so sorry for your disturbed time and feeling. You have got no memories at all? You got no evidence against your father. Your sister does NOT. So be fair and careful. Do not get biased just because the trend is "sexual and incest are common or not uncommon". Be fair with yourself too. There can be posibilities that you were abused somehow. So try make good balance. But do not allow therapist or others to push you towards the biased claim. This can have its negative impact on you too.
Please go to my old posts to possibly learn from my experience. The surprise part in my story was that they were apparently happy family. I have not noticed big problems inside the family..or may be who knows.