marnie900 wrote:Hi all,
Recently I lost my virginity to my on again off again boyfriend, and am not sure what to make of this situation... We were making out, and things got a little heated. He was (sorry to be graphic) performing cunnilingus when I was on my stomach, and then I started to feel pressure and I asked him what was happening and he said he was putting it in. I didn't say no, but I didn't say yes. And I don't know how to feel about how it first happened, i am not sure if i am okay. Is it rape if at first i didn't want to have sex and then i enjoyed it? Or is that just nerves? I am very upset, and would like some unbiased opinions on the matter
Thanks,
Marnie900
Hiya Marnie,
First of all i'm really sorry that your first time turned out the way it did for you and made you feel grotty..
I don't think that what happened could be considered to be rape.. from what you've said you were having a heavy makeout with your boyfriend and enjoying what he was doing to you (hopefully you were enjoying it ..)..
In the scenario you described, you had given him consent to touch you and unless you removed consent by asking him to stop when/before/during he entered you.. it was consensual..
My first time was grotty as well and afterwards i wished that i hadn't gone along with it.. just like you i wasn't really into it and i felt used afterwards..
Sometimes we have this whole societal weight on our shoulders.. as well as reconciling our actions with our own moral code, we have to breathe freely in society and family roles.. sometimes the images that we wish to portray to family and society can be shattered (in our own minds) by acting out of what we believe our behavioural roles are.
In short, i think that you need a damn big hug and just to know that sex and your confused feelings are normal.. sexuality should be embraced, safely and with care for your own feelings..
I've personally had sex with at least one guy that i shudder to remember now but i did not say no to him and nor was i too drunk to give implied consent.