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incestuous behavior

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incestuous behavior

Postby SusanB » Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:16 pm

I'm not sure how to go about posting this and making it come out the right way. Several times when I go to bed my daughter is laying next to her father talking( she is on top of the covers). I disrobe and get into bed and go to give them a hug, she is on the opposite of him . I reach over to hug her and my hand brushes against him and he has a full blown erection. Now I know it isn't me because our sex life is non-existant. He also hugs her in a way that makes her a uncomfortable. Too close and placement of his hands high and low pressing her closer to himself. My question is "how do I handle this without making a bigger problem than it already is." I have not spoken to him as yet, but it bothers me greatly!
SusanB
 


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Postby sincefour » Mon Mar 06, 2006 2:30 pm

SusanB,

It doesn't seem 100% kosher. Unless you are able to stand up to all sorts of denial/hurt feeling behavior, you may need help to deal with it.

It is the case that males do get spontaneous erections, but, if this is the norm rather then the exception, you have to go with your gut.

Put it this way, better hurt feelings and nothing is there, then an innocent is damaged in difficult ways to mend, and you curse yourself forever for inaction.

I hope for the best outcome for all three of you,
W
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Postby Becky » Tue Mar 07, 2006 12:01 am

I would have some discussions with your daughter. I have no idea how old she is but maybe get the video Winnie the Pooh's too smart for strangers video. I got mine from ebay. Its good for ages 3-10. After watching it, discuss with her what good and bad touch is. Tell her that no matter who touches her or makes her feel uncomfortable, she can tell you and you will make it stop, Even if its someone we know like an Uncle or grandpa or even her dad, she can tell you and you will make it stop. Dont get into depth about what you will do if she were to tell you that cause fear of never seeing her father again may scare her into not saying anything.

To keep this undercover, do a general safety course where you practice every week. "Now pretend I am stranger. What do you do if I try to offer you candy" and "what if I grab you." Tell her to scream fight kick, bite (ok dont bite you for real, lol). If they are being dragged to a car, show her how to lift her arms up and drop like dead weight from your arms then wrap her legs around one of you legs and her arms tight around the other. (they cant lift her and they cant even walk easy. This combined with screaming would do the trick.) After all this, she will be more into discussing what ifs with you.

Now if your husband is curious as to why you do it if he knows. Well you saw something on the news that described doing practocing this with your child. I saw this on a talk show and practice with my two and four year old.

All of this should helo your daughter feel confident that you what to keep her safe and builds that bridge for her to cross.

Now quick......When MY father was molesting my, my mother asked me straight out if my father ever had. Well he was prepared for this and told me I wasnt to tell anyone. In one breath he would say if I did, he would force himself into me, and remind me fo the pain with a finger. In the next breath he talked about having to leave and never see any of us again. And then he would talk about me having to go to foster homes with stories of how much worse those were. Last but not least he tried to convince me it was something that was good and a priviledge that he didnt share with my siblings (that was a lie) and that *I* wont want them getting jealous and learning the secret. This was all about the age of 5 or 6. Then as I got older, he hung one to the first threat and chnaged the rest to suicide, and telling the media so all my friends would find out that I liked and and asked him for it. Hes a sociopath so the way he worded it probably would have been pretty convincing, not that I cared later on. The whole point I am getting to here is that when my mother asked me, she and I didnt get along the greatest and I thought she was goung to beat me so I lied. I would have lied either way though. When she confonted me like this I was terrifed and did not feel safe.

I would keep a secret diary just for yourself that time and dates when you feel like something isnt right and how you rdaughter reacts to the situation. Then hide it, like under a bottom drawer in your bathroom or in a heat vent. Then you can look back and maybe start to see a pattern where you might catch something in the act. Plus you can use it as proof later.
Becky
 

Postby Ieyasu » Tue Mar 07, 2006 9:13 am

me and my mom are tight.
ni men tai kong bu le
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