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I cant get over the feeling that everyone hates me...

Open Discussions about Self Esteem and Related Issues

I cant get over the feeling that everyone hates me...

Postby Luke fone Fabre » Thu Jul 27, 2006 5:36 pm

I wasnt sure where to put this, but...

I'm 17 and I'm in Sixth Form College. For about a year or so now I've been worried that everyone hates me, or at least its certainly grown significantly over the last 6 months. I've been racking my brain for a long time trying to figure out why. And I've kinda hit something. Please dont feel intimdated or disgusted by this, I'm getting rid of it.

I'm attracted to kids. And I dont want to be. It's wrong, it's an illness, it's a perversion, and it's utterly wrong. And yet I cant seem to get rid of it. I get nervous around them, and when I'm with friends or something they seem to notice. This makes me feel even more nervous. I'm not sure if this is something that can be completely gotten rid of, like homosexuality, but I'm pretty sure it can be dealt with in some way.

The thing is I don't have money for any psychological treatment, I've only just applied for a job, and my family aren't exactly rolling cash. If possible, could somebody give me a link to a site that could help?

Lately, I've had no friends. I've never been popular as such, but I at least had a few good friends. But I'm afraid that because I always seem to be thinking constantly about my problems that they've gotten tired of it. And I know I've been an asshole. But that's why I'm changing it. I'm an adult now, not a kid, I've got responsibilities.

I think that because of this problem I end up getting nervous and thinking about my problem endlessly, and because people notice that, I get nervous around them so i come across as weird. I think that if i either deal with the problem or learn to live with it, then I can begin to rebuild my self esteem. I'm just not sure about the first step.

I'm not going to dwell on my problems any more. I'm going to be an adult and fix them.

If you've read the entirety of this post, your a saint, thankyou. If anyone can help out, I'd be truly grateful.
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Postby sweetngentle » Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:14 pm

Luke,

I'm somewhat the same. I feel that where ever I go, even on-line, I am sure everyone hates me. I have Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD). Children don't bother me, but everyone I come into contact with are people that I'm sure either hate or don't like me.

I am sure that low self esteem is worsening my condition. I have a background of anorexia and dissociative identity disorder (formerly MPD...multiple personality disorder).

I know from the many years I have been in therapy that I need to work on my self esteem. Things like an affirmation that is just for you to tell yourself has worked wonders for me. Maybe you could give that a try.

So, please don't feel alone :)

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Postby Luke fone Fabre » Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:28 pm

sweetngentle,

Thanks for replying. What exactly is AvPD? I think that might be what i have. Rather than being anorexic, though, I tend to eat when I get nervous, and I'm kinda overweight because of it.

And what exactly do you mean by an affirmation?
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Postby sweetngentle » Thu Jul 27, 2006 6:37 pm

Luke,
Avoidant Personality Disorder is where you avoid contact with people.....for me it's like that. Or I will turn my head so I can avoid saying "hi" to someone. I have a fear of driving (not true with all Avp's) and I am extremely terrified of being in a social setting where I have to come up with something to say. I feel like I have nothing to say of any importance, that others are better or more important than I.

Here on this site there is a forum for Avoidant Personality Disorder. You might find it helpful to reading some of the threads in that forum.

Another thing I must say, I am not a professional and have no credentials with which to diagnose anyone else. But if the shoe fits :) you may just find the help you need.

Take Care,
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Postby Luke fone Fabre » Thu Jul 27, 2006 7:42 pm

Thankyou very much, sweetngentle, this has given me some much needed perspective.

See ya!

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Postby deadbird » Tue Aug 15, 2006 3:08 am

what's your definition of 'kids'? meaning what age exactly is it that attracts you? i really haven't heard of such a thing, but i'm sure there's otehrs out there as well. how old are you exactly (to compare to the kids age).

i also have low self-esteem. i have no friends, havent had any realones since about 4 years ago, which t ome is a long long time. and i also feel like i am disliked wherever i go. but i think it has to do with how you view yourself, and your aura, how you are portraying yourself to others and how you appear to be like for instance 'snobby, pissed off' etc. it als odepends on how you carry yourself. i was once told i look like i am pissed off at the world all the time, which was not true i'm more pissed of at myself, but because i am afraid of confronation with others i put a wall up. so your nervousness does probably affect those other people, and then they get wary.
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Postby Luke fone Fabre » Thu Aug 31, 2006 10:40 pm

I know this has been more or less dead for a while, but I didn't want to make another topic.

I think I need to stop moaning. My life is a mess, quite frankly. I'm 17, have no job, slack off at school, my room's a tip, I masturbate too much, I have no real friends, I even feel distant from my family now.
It's like I know I'm doing something wrong, but I can't figure it out. I keep telling myself that the answer is right in front of me, but it seems that's just made me lazy. i think i shouldn't overthink my problems.

I seem to be doing something or not doing something thats making me like this.

The weird thing is I'm not sad. Nor am I happy. i really don't seem to care for anyting anymore. I sit and play games and look at porn all day and night.

I used to contemplate killing myself, but i know that that's just selfish. that's something else, I seem to be inherently selfish. Or at least that's what I think. I don't know whether it's a part of who I am or if I'm just being a douche.

I can't figure much out. I feel like I don't care, but at the same time that I have to.

I just feel so distant from everyone. I still get nervous that everyone hates me. Since my best friend moved away a few days ago, another acquaintance has been round a few times to say hi. But we haven't much in common and I can never think of anything to say that seems remotely interesting. It's a case of "what have you been doing", "oh, not much, you?". I never seem to be myself, I think that's my problem. i'm not relaxed. But then, I don't know who "me" is. Whether I'm just lying to myself and the real me is somewhere inside me. I used to get along better with people. I was never extrovert or anything, but I at least could speak to other people at school. I don't know what's happened there.

I think I'm crazy sometimes. it's not that i really feel crazy, it's just the impression I get from others. Or is that just me worrying.

I want to find some goddamn answers. Something that I know is true about me. I want some friends, dammit!!!! Even online, i get the impression that people don't like me cos I can never think of anything to say. It's probably cos there's this guy shaun that I hate and so did my friend who moved away, althoug shaun believed he was my friend's best mate. He kisses ass and brags all the time in roundabout ways. I worry that something I say might do the same thing and that people wont like me for it. that migt be part of the reason why i can never think of anythiing to say.

I need to get out of this rut. I think i'm at an age where i need to be having life affirming experiences that will make me a better person later in life. I want to live life, not stay holed up in my room. My parents gave birth to me so they could have a son, not some weirdo who does nothng but sit on his ass. I want to make them proud.

I'm sorry, I really needed a good rant to straighten out my thoughts, even though what I think up now might be changed later on. Any help you guys can give would be fantastic.

Thanks so much.

btw, I've decided that the kid thing isn't going away, so i just have to not let it define me or affect who I am. recently it hasnt bothered me much anyway.
"Taking your own life with boredom, I'm taking my own life with wine."--Alkaline Trio - Radio
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Postby Apache » Thu Aug 31, 2006 10:58 pm

Luke fone Fabre wrote:I used to contemplate killing myself, but i know that that's just selfish.


Its not selfish, your arent an apendage of anyone....you have to live your life in your own skin, not someone else's. Its selfish for others to expect you to live simply because they dont want you to be dead.

I'm sorry i shouldnt be telling you this, but its true.

You want friends and life experinces?. We dont live life we endure it...tolerate it, life is to suffer while living it affords you to foget the suffering in freckles of happiness. If living it is having friends and going out and getting drunk, or jumping out of a plane or whatever it is to you....then do it. For ###$ sake your young, live your life...dont be trapped by it.

If you stay trapped you'll one day forget what it is to live, to have those freckles of happiness. Life ticks by every second....every second we age, this is time we will never ever get back. For some of us its over....to dead inside. You seem like a good kid....you should be out getting laid and drunk. Or whatever brings you pleasure.

Just be you.
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Postby Luke fone Fabre » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:07 pm

Hey Jamie,

thanks for the advice, man. The only thing is i can't figure who I should be. I seem to change on a daily basis.
"Taking your own life with boredom, I'm taking my own life with wine."--Alkaline Trio - Radio
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Postby Apache » Thu Aug 31, 2006 11:18 pm

I'm the same way, although its more random.

Why figure it out?...i'd been trying to do that for a long time, i've just over say the last year just said i'll be what i am. I'm a screwed up individual....some chick wanted to get to know me and i said flat out, i'm a ###$ up 23 year old drunkard on disability living with my mother....and i'm incredibly odd. Not exactly something to be sharing....but you know more times then not the response is so?.

Whatever you like, whatever you want to do...do it, even if you change....do what you like when you feel like doing it. We feel odd or depressed, ashamed because we are not what society expects us to be. So if you feel like sitting on your ass whatching porn or playing video games ect, Great. if you feel like getting a job, great....and dont let anyone else expectations interfear, there not the ones who have to walk in your shoe's.

I'm messed up right now so i'm not sure if i'm making sense.
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