is there any hope for me?

ash91 wrote:I’ve always thought that talking about weather/clothes/pets will make people think I’m boring… but now I think that it will be less boring than when I’m not talking at all:D

I struggle with that myself. To me, I either sound boring talking about straightforward things or pretentious for talking about something involved. I try not to analyse it too much, and reason that people bore me fairly often, so it's only fair that I'm allowed to bore them too.

And like IceB says, mostly people just want the nudge to talk about themselves anyway and are happy for any excuse.

I love the "looking mysterious" advice. I wish I could pull that off. Perhaps I need to wear more black?

Ada wrote:I love the "looking mysterious" advice. I wish I could pull that off. Perhaps I need to wear more black?

Just practice your "mysterious smile" You should also look confident People like self-confidence.

People who know me a bit better say that I’m a good listener. and you’re right , I met some people in my life, that when they discovered I don’t talk much but I can listen… they started to talk... and talk... and talk about themselves. They almost tortured me with this monologues:S

“If you bore me, I’m allowed to bore you too” It’s a good excuse:D

Mysterious smile is a good idea too, I think I usually look rather scared or just dumb… maybe more smile is the key?

Looking scared wouldn't be bad, as people might feel sorry for you or guilty for making you feel that way and be even nicer than usual. But I wouldn't worry too much about how you look, because it's hard enough to be thinking of the conversation and looking at the other person but not too much and remembering eye contact but without staring and all that other stuff. Or at least, that's what's going on for me, and I don't have any SM.

actually I don't like when people are too nice to me... I think that's because teachers and therapists and some members of my family used to be always sooo nice to me, that I was feeling like very retarded child:S And I find it even easier to talk with someone who tells me that I'm boring, too quiet or sth than with someone who smiles all the times and keeps saying nice things to me:)
I think I really look scared, people sometimes even asks me "what are you so afraid of?":D

I must admit that I'm not good at making eye contact...;l

ash91 wrote: And I find it even easier to talk with someone who tells me that I'm boring, too quiet or sth than with someone who smiles all the times and keeps saying nice things to me:)

I know what you mean. I hate it when people are uber nice because they think they should, not because they feel like it. I don't want their "sympathy" or pretended understanding :]

ash91 wrote:I think I really look scared, people sometimes even asks me "what are you so afraid of?":D

Lol, I used ot hear it too. And "why are you so sad?", "why don't you smile?" etc.

ash91 wrote:I must admit that I'm not good at making eye contact...;l

I used to have this problem, but it was so long ago I can hardly remember how to overcome this. I remember forcing myself to look into eyes of other people. It was hard as hell, almost physical pain but after each time it was getting easier. Now I have absolutely no problem with eye contact - and it helps a lot when it comes to human interaction. Otherwise you have to constantly tell people that you are not shy and not afraid.

Yes, when someone is too nice and gives me these lovely fake smiles, I think “you are so nice now when we’re talking, but when I go away you’ll start telling everyone around how much you don’t like me” I never trust this kind of people.
I think I’m getting better at eye contact too, but it’s still not the way it should be:S And of course I’m constantly hearing these questions why I am so shy…

ash91 wrote:Yes, when someone is too nice and gives me these lovely fake smiles, I think “you are so nice now when we’re talking, but when I go away you’ll start telling everyone around how much you don’t like me” I never trust this kind of people.
I think I’m getting better at eye contact too, but it’s still not the way it should be:S And of course I’m constantly hearing these questions why I am so shy…

Hi! I"m a little late to the conversation, but here I go anyway...
I'm 20 years old too. I had SM from, well, birth until about 7th grade when I slooowly began speaking in school. I'm still awkward when a professor asks me a question...but I digress. I'm glad to hear you've made so much progress since beginning therapy! I'm also terrible at making conversation and even though I have no problem speaking anymore, my brain just completely freezes and I sit there quietly as I try to wrack my brain for something to talk about. Online conversations did help me a bit during high school. I also LOVE animals and was lucky enough to get a job at a veterinary clinic. It became easier for me to speak with my coworkers, and after a while I got pretty good at communicating with customers (mostly about their pets, but it still helped!) Finding people with your shared interests to talk to REALLY helps with keeping up a conversation. Being a good listener can be a blessing and a curse. It does get hard having to listen to other people talk about themselves constantly, but while they're off on that tangent about that horrible haircut they got 6 months ago you can be thinking up other things to talk about in order to keep the conversation going later on. Practice really does make perfect. Just keep working, we're all rooting for you!

Hi Savannah10,

Just wanted to welcome you here Seems you are doing well, that's good. I hope you'll find this site helpful

Hi Ash!
My name is Eva and my best friend's name is Nick, he's 19 and he has had SM since the age of 4 as well!
Your story sounds almost IDENTICAL to his, outside of the fact that he still can't speak to anyone except a few family members and his healer/therapist.
He's had it since the age of 4 where he could not talk to adults but he could talk to kids until the 10th grade.
Right now there are only a few people in his family who he can communicate with.
Him and I have only ever communicated through e-mail, but he's one of the loveliest most loving and kind people that I know, and it's SO hard to see him struggle with not being able to find his voice.
He wants to connect with more people and have more friends, especially those who know his personal struggles.

(I don't have SM personally, but I was homeschooled my whole life and found that I retained extreme social anxiety that it is still a continual battle I deal with on a regular basis though after finding a community of like-minded people it's become SOOOO much better!
This is part of the reason why Nick and I are such good friends I believe, I can completely relate and understand what he's going through.)

If you were interested I would love to get your e-mail and connect you!
I think it would make a HUGE difference if he had a friend he could talk to who knows exactly what he's going through!

For the stories I've heard through my personal research of this it seems as though it's more common for Teenagers to feel alone because for some reason there seems to be more resources for YOUNGER children with SM.
I'm very much inclined to start a Teens with SM/Social Anxiety Group on Facebook, would you or anyone else on this group have interest in joining it if I were to make one so we can all be connected and meet more like us?

Thank you so much! ~Eva