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Re: Private person

Postby NimplyDinply » Thu Apr 23, 2015 10:46 am

Saint.F wrote:
creative_nothing wrote:I never said it was easy. :|

Right. Unfortunately, where I live, the therapists are living in the dark ages. To give an example, I told a therapist I was a Buddhist (at the time I was), and she administered the corrective function of repeatedly quoting the Christian bible to me :shock: They're awful here.


Where the hell are you? The Vatican?

That's awful, and a complete violation of your boundaries.
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Re: Private person

Postby Saint.F » Thu Apr 23, 2015 10:32 pm

NimplyDinply wrote:Where the hell are you? The Vatican?

That's awful, and a complete violation of your boundaries.


I know. I hope to be able to move one day.
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Re: Private person

Postby IntellectualCat » Fri Apr 24, 2015 3:11 am

Saint.F wrote:
IntellectualCat wrote:...or that socializing more will make things easier (when I did that, I only became seriously drained). However, I think it is likely it will work.

I think if you can make yourself and tolerate it, it is good to do.


The thing is is that I have to ignore my suspiciousness to make myself socialize more, but when I do, I eventually start feeling drained and unable to tolerate it. When I did that, I also started making bad decisions because I was agreeing with everything people were saying I should do, and I also believed in things that I think were ludicrous when I look back. Also, it ended with me being more suspicious than I usually am and having depression.

I used to think that my suspiciousness was something to overcome because it resulted in social anxiety, but now I think it should be channeled into skepticism. If it results in social anxiety, then I am okay with that, as having my life being at the whim of what other people think is worse. I'm okay with wanting to be alone, even if other people don't accept it.
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Re: Private person

Postby Saint.F » Sat Apr 25, 2015 2:56 am

IntellectualCat wrote:The thing is is that I have to ignore my suspiciousness to make myself socialize more, but when I do, I eventually start feeling drained and unable to tolerate it. When I did that, I also started making bad decisions because I was agreeing with everything people were saying I should do, and I also believed in things that I think were ludicrous when I look back. Also, it ended with me being more suspicious than I usually am and having depression.

I used to think that my suspiciousness was something to overcome because it resulted in social anxiety, but now I think it should be channeled into skepticism. If it results in social anxiety, then I am okay with that, as having my life being at the whim of what other people think is worse. I'm okay with wanting to be alone, even if other people don't accept it.


I've always been a loner in the sense that I've always preferred to be alone. But the thing now is that, I am truly alone -- without family or friends. To give you an idea, if I died in my house, it would be months before I'd be discovered. While I preferred to be alone at an earlier time in my life, I did have a few relationships. But the past few years I have lost my capacity for it.

The consequences are mixed. Sometimes another person's perspective is useful. Being completely alone, I'm getting more eccentric I think. Another thing is, my memory is vague about things, or just missing sometimes. I don't know. I think it's probably best if a person has some relationships, even if they're not frequent.
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Re: Private person

Postby muaddib » Sat May 23, 2015 12:34 pm

Hi Saint.F, this thread caught my eye when you first posted, but I'm only getting around to replying now. I really wanted to post because your situation looks a lot like some experiences of my own, only I'm coming from the perspective of the interested man.

I'll try to keep it short, but when I was just beginning to recover from my second breakdown, a woman moved into an apartment near mine, and I would notice her occasionally while doing chores or going for walks. She was really attractive, but being skeptical of people in general and really skittish at the time, I didn't expect to talk to her. One day, when I was going to do my laundry though, I was about to walk around a corner when I heard a woman's voice coming towards me (I presumed talking on her cell phone). I didn't want to bump into her with my clothes so I stepped back against the wall. When she came around the corner, it turned out to be the woman that had recently moved in, and I accidentally spooked her... plus it turned out she was just talking to herself. I'm sure she was embarrassed, but it made me think, "Lady, you and I would probably have a lot in common."

A few weeks or so later, I was going for a walk and she happened to be going for a walk at the same time. So when we passed each other, I figured I might as well introduce myself. A few years later, I can honestly say meeting her was one of the best things that happened to me out of my entire 20s. We get along great and did talk about becoming romantic. Although the relationship never went that far or became as intimate as I hoped for (emotionally or physically), she is one of my closest friends and probably the closest I've ever come to an intimate relationship. She also helped me climb out of the hole I had fallen into more than any other person I know.

You have to do what feels right for you, but I just wanted to give a personal example of when taking a chance on someone did turn out well. If you still have occasional contact with this guy and think he might be someone you get along with, you might want to try getting to know him better, carefully and gradually of course. If your tendencies are similar to mine, you're probably pretty good at reading people too so if you start spotting red flags, you can always throw out your best excuse, then turn and burn 8)

Saint.F wrote:Right. Unfortunately, where I live, the therapists are living in the dark ages. To give an example, I told a therapist I was a Buddhist (at the time I was), and she administered the corrective function of repeatedly quoting the Christian bible to me :shock: They're awful here.

Wow, it sounds like you're living in the town I grew up in. I've always found nothing deflects that kind of pushiness better than quoting deeper verses (which usually contradict their interpretations) from the same scripture right back. The less hostility and more enthusiasm you show, the more it freaks people out. I still feel a little bad for the Jehovah's Witnesses I tried starting a discussion with about what Jesus exactly meant when he said "the eye is the lamp of the body." Like a deer in the headlights, that poor man was :wink:
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Re: Private person

Postby Saint.F » Sun May 24, 2015 3:20 am

Hi muaddib, thanks for sharing your experience, I appreciate your input.
muaddib wrote:Wow, it sounds like you're living in the town I grew up in. I've always found nothing deflects that kind of pushiness better than quoting deeper verses (which usually contradict their interpretations) from the same scripture right back. The less hostility and more enthusiasm you show, the more it freaks people out. I still feel a little bad for the Jehovah's Witnesses I tried starting a discussion with about what Jesus exactly meant when he said "the eye is the lamp of the body." Like a deer in the headlights, that poor man was :wink:

:mrgreen:
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