Postmorthim wrote:All of these thoughts have had me reconsider leaving behind Catholicism. I recently tried going back and going to mass. It began to feel silly... like I was forcing something that wasn't real for me. All the biblical recitations using imagery that doesn't connect with me.... like some nonsensical mysticism that kept nagging at me to submit to faith alone.
So I'm kind of adrift with all these religious reminders around me everyday. Sometimes I can't take them for just the symbolism they are and mistake them for reality.
What do you think the hook was/is Ima?
Postmorthim wrote:Thanks for the detailed post Ima!
It's hard for me to identify an exact experience where le hook was implanted. What I do remember is the utter disappointment upon receiving my confirmation. I was in the seventh grade of private Catholic elementary school and was told that the Holy Spirit would touch me on the day of the sacrament. I was actually excited and greatly anticipated this feat of faith. When the day came I simply received a touch to the forehead by a priest and walked away from the altar baffled to my awaiting sponsor and family. I slowly became disillusioned with my faith. Why would the religious teachers say such a thing and then the spirit didn't deliver? I felt no different walking away from that altar that day. How could the spirit passover me? What was this all about?
Well, I continued with the school and religious teaching, as well as altar boyhood. I then went on to an all male Catholic high school where I seemed to excel in religious classes with a climax in senior Philosophy of Religion. I chose upon graduation to pursue a life in theater.
Needless, to say I didn't attend mass anymore or participate in any of the sacraments.
So I had a hook there somewhere beforehand which I thought in retrospect was dislodged around confirmation.
I guess what I'm experiencing/asking for is a need that those around me try to dispute my claims of death and existence of purgatory or hell. My brother rubs it in my face by using my claims to prove that it is truly what I claim it is and my mother claims it's possible that I could be experiencing purgatory all the while everyone around goes about their pleasant days on earth.
How does a person with delusions of being dead and in a period of afterlife wrestle successfully with them and not go completely batty and be able to try to "live" a normal life?
Boy do I feel confused and just really dang tired...