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Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

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Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby StressedMom » Wed Oct 06, 2010 10:06 pm

This is my first time posting on a forum board for this reason. My son was diagnosed with PS, ODD and mild autism when he was 15 and he is now 19. The school system put him in a group home in order to get his meds and conditions under control. I was very happy with his progress even though there were serious bumps during that time. His home visits were good because I was not the "authority figure" in his life at that time plus the meds were doing their job. He has been off of his meds now for 8 months and was taking them sporadically before that.

My problem is I want him to get back on the meds and he's refusing. At least once a week we have a huge blowout because there are certain rules that I would like followed in the home. A big one is knock on the door before entering a room. This is what caused our blowout this morning. He didn't knock and I was changing, pretty much fully naked, all because he wanted a cigarette and he couldn't understand why I was upset that he didn't knock. I ask him to do his own dishes or take out the garbage, but this is never done. All he wants to do is sit on his computer and play video games. He basically has no life that is not online and fantasy.

He's very self absorbed and requires that I drop everything that I am doing, I work from home and he never goes anywhere so this is pretty consistent, to listen to a 4-5 hour diatribe about how horrible of a person I am and how I'm not giving him what he wants. This only happens when there is no internet for him to use. We just recently moved states and everything we have bar clothing and computers is in storage until I can get them. So we have to share the internet. My work requires me to be online so I feel I should have precedence over the internet in order to pay our bills and buy food. I don't have a choice but to listen to him which puts me behind in my work. My clients have deadlines which means I do too.

I am at the end of my rope with him. He is afraid to live on his own and said that if I force him to live off of his SSI that he'll die and I'll be the one to cause it. All I want is for him to get back into counseling and to get back on his meds. His episodes only happen once every 3 or 4 months or so and I can handle that. My mother has PS and I find myself feeling those old feelings the she made me feel when I was young and she was being emotionally abusive. Sometimes my son and my relationship feels reversed because of these feelings I have. I honestly don't like him when he's psychotic and as a mother, this kills me.

I get very depressed, I am depressed now about this situation. When he's on his meds, he is a completely different person. He's calm, he respects others and helps out with chores without yelling at me for an hour for asking him to do something. I can't live like this anymore. How can I get him to get back on his meds? Is there something I can do or not do to keep these episodes from happening? I have tried listening to him. I talk to him constantly even when it affects my work. I have tried ignoring him. Nothing works. If I put on headphones to drown him out, he unplugs them and has broking 3 sets in a month. If I go into my room, he yells through the door. If I go outside, he follows me. If I take a walk to calm down, he's waiting for me, sitting in the same spot and picks up exactly where he left off.

What can I do? Am I a horrible person because I want what's best for him? I feel backed into a corner right now and I don't want this to go any further. Please help me.
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby oh_that_guy » Thu Oct 07, 2010 5:21 am

i am hte least qualified to say anything here, and if i were you i wouldnt really read this post or take any of it to heart.

ssi, whats that, four to seven hundred bucks a month or somethin. ive heard people that try a compromise, get back on meds or leave, medicare or is it medicaid pays for the $#%^ anyway. not unreasonable to ask he clean up after himself, but the answer wouldnt be to let it pile up because then thats your living space too.

i really couldnt say what to try without seein it myself. fightin anger with anger really isnt great.

stand up for yourself! you brought him in this world, god breathed his first breath into him. do not be saddened, your exhaustion will end with your revitalization. we are all in the same boat, crossing the same deep ocean of turbulent waters and giant squids. youve got the light in you and hte light gives you strength to overcome.

if he also breaks your things, make him replace it with the gubbamint money.
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby StressedMom » Thu Oct 07, 2010 9:01 pm

Thanks for your reply. The money he gets on SSI is plenty to allow him to live a comfortable life. He has agreed today that he needs to get back on his meds. There are still times when he has episodes, but they are less frequent or severe on them. He also has more energy and helps out more. I'm hoping things get better.
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby Daughterof » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:50 am

Although I'm not exactly qualified-I might have some advice.
My younger brother has autism (high functioning) and I have Paranoid Schizophrenia. I suppose I'll try to mash the two of us together :)

My brother is a lot younger than your son, but also is always on electronics. Or rather he used to be. You could say his name over and over again and he would have no idea you were talking to him. If we made him turn on off his Xbox he would throw a fit. As with all Autism cases, patience isn't exactly your forte. A therapist suggested the complete opposite of electronics: books. At first we were rather skeptical-but it was a huge success. With Autism you're in your own world and video games is just one way of escaping. A book is another way. I know it may not be successful, but it's just an idea. If he's interested in a certain subject perhaps you could subtly give him a book. Make him think it's his idea to read it. Again just an idea. :D

Now on to the Paranoid Schizophrenia. With the medicine bit, I can relate to your son. It's not exactly "fun" to be on the medicine. You're not yourself and everything seems rather dull. At one point in my life I refused to take it and used to hide it so no one would know I wasn't taking it. It took a lot of coaxing to get me to take it again and in this aspect I can only wish you luck. As for your son walking in on you unannounced, it's quite possible he's baiting you. He may not be doing this on purpose. You are probably trying to explain to him that you can't just do that, and he probably presses for more. Remember the key word here is PARANOID. He really is paranoid about everything, or anyway that's how I am. He may even be looking for confirmation that he's right to be paranoid. Or right that the world is out to get him. Even deeper, he may be seeking your attention. Anyone with Schizophrenia does not have a firm grasp on reality. He may even be trying to confirm that he is REAL.

I know this may not have been what you have been looking for, I hope it helps. Also, does your son have a gameboy?
~~*DAUGHTEROF*~~
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby sunshinesmile » Fri Nov 26, 2010 8:08 pm

my son has paranoid schizophrenia. he is 22.

One of the best things that i did was help him get his own place to live. it was a small, slightly crappy apartment in a not so great part of town. he has been through four apartments since then this last time, he got one on his own.

We have had ups and downs, back and forth, he takes meds, he stops he takes them again.

My BEST advice here is to get the book Im Not Sick I Dont Need Help by Dr. Xavier Amador.

This book saved my own sanity. Allowed me to see things from his point of view and helped me to maintain a life fo my own while still being a support to my son.

I would be more than happy to talk to you anytime at all.
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby cpsp4207 » Sat Nov 27, 2010 8:53 am

Is 19 too old to be in the group home? Sounds like that was a good part in his life (and yours). If you can get him back in there (or somewhere like it) and get him leveled out on his meds, then maybe a stipulation of his coming back home would be to let you help him keep the meds up.
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby Blank2908290 » Sat Nov 27, 2010 10:45 am

That sounds like me when I was 16-17. It's nice you still care about your son, I'm 23 and nobody cares if I take my medication anymore. I've been off medication for over 3 years now.

Speaking at 23 to my 17 year old self, I'd advise you to keep at him till he takes his medication or get the dissolvable drug and put it in his mountain dew or whatever soda he drinks. He'll appreciate later when he wakes up from his dream. I know I would! Also the medication isn't enough, it takes serious life changes to keep the positive symptoms down. For me, that's been eliminating my computer time, searching for a job, reading/resume writing, and working on music and writing lyrics. The main thing is connecting with people in a meaningful way, because the loneliness is why so many schizophrenic people turn to a fantasy life, but for us it's doubly bad because it increases our positive symptoms. So yeah, I'd drug him if I were you, do it for a couple of days he'll probably wake up from his stupor and then thank you later. That's what I'd want someone to do to me...if anybody cared enough.
Life is beautiful

Don't think, FEEL!
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Re: Mother of Schizophrenic Son Needs Advice

Postby sunshinesmile » Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:49 pm

I did put my sons meds in his drink for a bit. the problem was he thought he was fine without them. see mom? im FINE!
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