Our partner

Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Schizophrenia message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Snaga

Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby eva4 » Fri Jul 24, 2015 6:54 pm

I have been considering seeing a psychiatrist recently. I’ll list my concerns below, but my main question is: If I were to receive this diagnosis, would they have to hospitalize me? (I could always refuse, right?) I am the main caregiver for my 2 year old and four month old (husband works 70+ hour weeks), and I do not want us to be separated.
Anyway, I definitely have a problem with pacing and talking to myself out loud. I am completely consumed with thoughts of becoming a powerful world leader, becoming a famous scientist/genius, etc. I often feel like the whole world is watching and admiring my every move. The pacing takes up so many hours out of my day, that I have begun failing classes and fear of losing my job for incomplete work.
When I was 13, I suddenly became terrified that I was possessed by the devil. I would lie awake and not know whether the bed was moving or shaking, and be too scared to fall asleep. I was afraid to look people in the eyes, I was afraid they could see my thoughts. I told my father a bit of what was going on, he decided Catholic school was messing me up. The fear of possession and existential ruminations about God and morality eventually faded.
During high school, I was consumed by disturbing thoughts like stabbing people in the eyes, running them over with my car, inappropriate sexual thoughts, etc. I was afraid of losing control. I started picking at my skin and pulling out my hair. I would touch certain areas of the walls as I was pacing, and the paint eventually rubbed off and the rug wore down. My sister would peek through the door with her friends and snicker at me. Talking to people gave me extreme anxiety, I just didn’t know how to do it, although I did have two friends who were also socially awkward.
I dropped out of college to join a martial arts gym, and was trained how to be a salesperson. I learned all about reading people’s body language and how to manipulate them into buying the most expensive program. I became very good at talking to people (but I don’t seem to have a distinct personality; I kind of adopt their personality while I’m speaking to them). The sifu convinced us he would teach us how to harness our chi and send people flying over a fence with the touch of one finger. I’m pretty sure the place was a cult.
Anyway, I’m having a harder time talking to people recently. I have to constantly monitor my facial expressions, or I end up talking about something like child abuse with a huge giggly grin. I’ve been losing my train of thought mid-sentence and being unable to speak. I’ve been seeing flashing lights, hearing static, and trying to pull spiderwebs off me that aren’t there. I keep thinking I see bugs flying out of the corner of my eye, or a black animal crouching. One time I saw the black animal crawl toward me (but it was in a dark room, and I blamed it on being tired). Sometimes I lie in bed and feel anxious that ghosts are watching me, or that the animal will come back. Thoughts?
eva4
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby Tyler » Fri Jul 24, 2015 8:07 pm

Hi, Eva

More than likely, they would not hospitalize you over a diagnosis. There needs to be a real reason to hospitalize you. That real reason, 99% of the time, is if you're a harm to yourself or others. Judging by what you posted here, no, they wouldn't hospitalize you. They would probably put you on medication, and they may tell you somethings that you don't know, but unless you do what I did (go to my psychiatrist and tell him I was going to kill people), you're not going to be hospitalized. But at the same time, always, ALWAYS be honest with your psychiatrist. Never lie to them about anything. If you are diagnosed with Schizophrenia (which will probably take time. You don't go in and get diagnosed immediately, most of the time), then that's probably all they will do: Medicate you.
Email me if you want some desserts

Diagnosed: Schizoaffective Disorder Bi-polar type Rapid Cycling.

Forum Rules

Heck ( • ̀ω•́ )
User avatar
Tyler
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 6165
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:26 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (5)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby eva4 » Sun Jul 26, 2015 1:21 am

Thanks, your comment made me feel better. I actually contacted our local schizophrenia clinic (I live in a big city), they had me leave a message, and said they would get back to me on Monday. I keep waffling between desperately wanting to know what they think, to feeling like everything's fine and I should ignore their call. Well, I won't ignore the call, but everyone I have ever tried to confide in has talked me out of therapy, either being dismissive or cruel. It seems like there are a lot of very nice and supportive people on this forum, it would be nice to actually meet someone like that in everyday life.
eva4
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby Tyler » Sun Jul 26, 2015 3:19 am

Glad I could help.

There are a lot of people on here who do go through what you go through on a daily basis, and yes, this is a very supportive forum. Feel free to post more c:
Email me if you want some desserts

Diagnosed: Schizoaffective Disorder Bi-polar type Rapid Cycling.

Forum Rules

Heck ( • ̀ω•́ )
User avatar
Tyler
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 6165
Joined: Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:26 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (5)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby asell » Mon Jul 27, 2015 4:52 am

Hello,
This is my first reply to someone so please bear with me.
First off it sounds like you are going through a lot. I have had my fair share of my thoughts consuming me so I understand what it's like to feel like your losing control. But as the person above me stated they are more than like 99% not going to hospitalize you. I recommend seeing a psychartrist though for the thoughts you are having. These thoughts are things that are harmful to your emotional health and need to be dealt with. Don't hold it off! If you're like me when you think about going to get help it is a frightening thing and the delusions become more powerful. For example when I was going through an epsiode and I thought about getting help. I truly thought that getting help was aganist god's will. I thought that God was all powerful and if he truly wanted to help me he would. I refused to get help until people around me basically forced me to get help. I'm glad to hear that you contacted the local clinic and decided to get help. Please follow thru and let me know how it went.
asell
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 4:23 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby Una+ » Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:00 pm

Hi. You sound functional enough that you wouldn't be able to get into a hospital treatment program even if you wanted to.

This child abuse you mention: were you the child? Are you aware that many survivors of child abuse begin to have severe problems when their own children reach the same age as they were when they were abused? That is when the flashbacks begin, and in the beginning flashbacks can be as simple as flashes of light and brief illusory tactile sensations. Although these experiences often are labeled hallucinations, because they are flashbacks that originate in actual past experiences technically they are not hallucinations.

Are you assuming that if you get a diagnosis it would be schizophrenia? I have similar symptoms and my initial diagnosis was complex PTSD, late onset. I got therapy and now my PTSD is gone.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby eva4 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:21 am

Hello, asell, I would like to thank you very much for your kind comment. Yes, you are absolutely right, it did get worse over the thought of getting help. I became afraid of the dark and did not feel safe in my room. I considered sleeping in the living room with the lights on, but forced myself to go into my room so I could “protect” the baby from whatever was in there. Although, I didn’t feel safe until my husband came to bed.

Una+, you’ve freaked me out pretty badly. You are right, I had a difficult childhood. In hindsight, it was emotional abuse. When my toddler is being exceptionally difficult, my entire vision fills with flashing lights and I say over and over to myself, “Don’t lose control like your mother.” I soothe my toddler appropriately, but it’s like I’m watching myself do it from far away, and inside my head all I hear is myself screaming hysterically.

I followed the link in your signature. Is this why I can’t remember what I did last Saturday night? Is this why I get phone calls from people I don’t know, and when I tell them wrong number, they seem skeptical? Is this why I run into people who seem to know me, and I spend the entire conversation wondering who they are? This used to happen to my mother all the time, too. And sometimes, when I watched her talk to people, it was like I didn’t know her (she herself was abused as a child, by her grandmother.)

You freaked me out so badly, that when the Schizophrenia clinic called me back, I told them I thought I should see someone for DID instead. They still want to see me, though (I had copied and pasted my original post here, and emailed it to them last Friday). I have an appointment tomorrow. They said they will refer me to an additional therapist if necessary, after my clinical assessment.
When I answered their phone call today, I heard myself talking to the research assistant in a sweet “customer service” voice. When they asked me about any family history of mental illness, I heard myself sounding like a ditzy teenager while I got weepy over descriptions of my mother. I wrapped up the conversation in the customer service voice, and when I asked them where I would meet them, I had the vague feeling we had already discussed that. I asked if we had already discussed that, and she said yes.

After I hung up, I saw I had two missed calls from my parents. I immediately became terrified that they KNEW who I had just been speaking with. How did they know? The research assistant must have notified them. I felt like I couldn't believe I had trusted her, and maybe she had seemed a little "too" nice. Of course, when I called my parents' back, they were oblivious, and I felt silly.

I cannot believe I was once ashamed at the thought of possibly having OCD. I cannot believe I am possibly staring two of the most terrifying mental illnesses in the face. Earlier, I was so overwhelmed, that I broke down sobbing hysterically. Right now, I don’t feel anything.
eva4
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby eva4 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:07 am

There was a time when I was a college student, sitting in a psychology class, watching clips of people with these disorders. I found them bizarre. I wonder if I am dreaming; I want to wake up.
eva4
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby Una+ » Tue Jul 28, 2015 4:56 am

eva4 wrote:Is this why I can’t remember what I did last Saturday night? Is this why I get phone calls from people I don’t know, and when I tell them wrong number, they seem skeptical? Is this why I run into people who seem to know me, and I spend the entire conversation wondering who they are?

Yes. This would be typical of DID. Often DID is misdiagnosed as schizophrenia, but I know of no cases of schizophrenia misdiagnosed as DID. They are actually very different, apart from sharing a few "notable" symptoms. The good news is that DID is very treatable, and even without treatment many persons with DID function well in life.

eva4 wrote:I cannot believe I am possibly staring two of the most terrifying mental illnesses in the face.

Well, it is only one, not two. It is one or the other. From the experiences you have described it sounds like DID not schizophrenia.

I am so sorry that the replies here so far have overwhelmed you. I get that you are terrified. For what it is worth, I do not experience having DID as terrifying. When I was first diagnosed I was very, very scared. I was scared of the unknown. But unknowns are knowable and now I know more and I and my family are doing very well.

Deep breaths. It is going to be okay. Seeking help and getting a formal diagnosis is a positive step forward.

No one has even proposed taking my children away from me, despite my diagnosis. A scary mental health diagnosis is not nearly enough reason for that. Also, seeking help is a very strong mitigation against any threat along those lines. It shows that you are a responsible parent.
Dx DID older woman married w kids. 0 Una, host + 3, 1, 5. 1 animal. 2 older man. 3 teen girl. 4 girl behind amnesia wall. 5 girl in love. Our thread.
Una+
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7227
Joined: Sun Apr 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 6:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Afraid of a diagnosis; would they hospitalize me?

Postby eva4 » Tue Jul 28, 2015 10:51 pm

Ok, so the Schizophrenia clinic decided I probably do not have Schizophrenia. However, I would like to thank all the kind people here for their support.I will be creating a thread in the DID forum with some questions.

I do have to say, Una+, you were wrong on one thing. I had emailed the psychiatrist a copy of my most recent post, wondering what she would think about DID. She didn't seem to want to talk about DID. I asked if I should speak to a Dissociative Disorders psychiatrist, and she said she wanted me to see a women's health psychiatrist. She said to be honest with me, she had been wondering if she should call DCF based on what I had written (!). She asked if I ever had lost control, or had thoughts about harming them. I said I had only lost control and screamed at my toddler once ever, putting him in his room and slamming the door. I felt so guilty that I immediately sought help, and was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I said I occasionally have intrusive thoughts of throwing him against the wall or hitting him, but these thoughts bother me so much they are my main motivation for seeking help, so that they never become reality. I said I thought they might be the intrusive thoughts of OCD. She said I can't have OCD because I don't count or wash my hands obsessively. Maybe I freaked her out so much, she thinks I'm too mentally unstable to be raising children. I'm very upset.
eva4
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:49 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 1:02 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Schizophrenia Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests