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think i am developing schizophrenia but

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think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby courier » Sat Jul 19, 2014 8:59 am

but i dont understand if im allowed to think im schizophrenic because im not supposed to have this insight? am i not supposed to realize that the stuff i see isn't real or understand myself that i should control my impulses or restrain the thoughts of being jesus or a messenger of the higher powers?
everyone around me says im fairly normal but i repress so much and it stresses me. i walked in on a conversation between two people i know talking about schizophrenia and they looked at me.
one said "hey i hope you didnt misinterpret our conversation, we were just talking about how normal we think you are." was he lying? i dont know.
i told him before about how i feel i need psychiatric evaluation and knowing people talk about me behind my back helps me none.

does simply being able to identify some symptoms or realize when i'm having trouble figuring out if something is real or not invalidate my suspicions? i really feel like i am on the verge of a psychotic break. i wander alone outside at night in tears. my mood weight and lifestyle are on a steady decline and my floor is littered with papers of a torn up magazine. its hurting me and its hurting the people i entrust with these issues. i live with my parents and havent even held a conversation with them in months. im distant from everything and i relate to nobody.

im constantly being told i come off as a jerk. ive been told by my best friend (who i turn to when i enter uncontrollable depression) that im treating them like $#%^ and they only talk to me because theyre "that desperate for company." verbatim. now i realize this would hurt anyone but ive never had someone say something to me that made me question if they were even real.

im really lost right now. whether i am schizophrenic or not doesnt change the fact that im convinced my life is in shambles (or is it just me who is in shambles) and entirely because i cant keep my own damn head straight. i dont know anybody personally with problems like these but ive begun to relate so much to schizophrenic people and this forum. suicide is a welcoming place and ive considered checking myself in to a mental institution because the constant fight not to kill myself seems to warrant such a thing.

should i? therapy barely keels me over week to week. i have made no progress.

what am i supposed to do? :|

sorry if im unclear in my post. i have trouble communicating these feelings to anybody and im constantly convinced ill be ridiculed or ignored when i share them. half the time i try i end up deleting the whole post.
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Re: think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby Tyler » Mon Jul 21, 2014 3:56 am

I knew my hallucinations were just that, I was diagnosed Schizophrenic (well, Schizoaffective, same thing). Knowing his half the battle though. Once you're able to identify your hallucinations and delusions as such, you're on your way to recovery.

Personally, after reading that post, and my own personal experience, I would say yes, enter yourself into a mental institute. I'd recommend doing what I did and going to a trusted hospital's psych ward. My trip was half and half when it came to my decision. When I went in, I didn't so much want to kill myself, as I wanted to kill other people, then kill myself.

BUT BE WARNED! these places aren't cheap. While my insurance covered it all, my total bill for an eight day stay was $23,000. I got the help I needed though. While the anti-psychotic I was put on did more damage than help, that's the risk you take with any medication. Anti-psychotics are very powerful medications. They can be severely hit or miss, as was the case with me. Treatment takes time,
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Re: think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby Cheze2 » Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:07 am

You could also seek assistance from a therapist and/or psychiatrist or other type of professional that you trust to at least discuss what is going on for you and get some guidance and support. It sounds like you're holding a lot on your shoulders right now.
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Re: think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby courier » Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:51 am

thanks for your replies. I've been reffered to a psychiatrist from my therapist because I told him about my suicidal thoughts.
Idk what is going on in my life. whether schizophrenia or not, it sucks like hell and I'll take whatever help i can get.
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Re: think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby Cheze2 » Thu Jul 24, 2014 12:37 pm

I hope all goes well at the psychiatry appointment. I agree that when not doing well, take all the help that is offered!
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Re: think i am developing schizophrenia but

Postby mamenangeh » Mon Aug 11, 2014 10:02 pm

Ok, I'm feeling verrrryyyy similar to how you just described. Especially about your friends...

"im constantly being told i come off as a jerk. ive been told by my best friend (who i turn to when i enter uncontrollable depression) that im treating them like $#%^"

I really don't mean to treat my friends that way, and everyone says i'm "different", though I don't really understand why.

I've noticed some changes in my behavior, but I thought it was just my depression (I've been on a rollarcoaster for the past year, feeling unmotivated after graduating college and now working at a job that has nothing to do with my major. It's been a struggle getting the oompf to go to grad school too). My friends (they're my roommates, too, so they see me the most) notice that a lot of my behavior and actions "don't make sense" or are robotic/awkward; I hear this and get defensive..I'm also not taking criticism very well..

So.. i'm not sure what's up with me. But, how have you been doing since?
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