Demon 'delusions'. Please help!?

I've wanted to post here for a long time but i wanted it to be sort of a last resort (because psychologists and doctors have been ######6 with me for month now and nobody wants to help)

I'm a 21 year old woman morbidly confused and anxious and i'm sorry if this gets long. I'll begin by saying that my family pushed me to seek help in last month or two. My sister handed me her copy of the DSM-IV-TR to read through and i wasn't aware i was actually having a problem until i looked inside the book.

I went to a doctor to get a referral to a psychologist and immediately he began to type possible Schizophrenia. It's gotten me a little confused, i don't believe i could have that, especially because i only told him about my "delusion". I saw a psychologist 2 weeks go and she was quite rude. Something just doesn't feel right but i don't know what it is. Anyway i'll tell you a little bit about what i'm going through.

I initially wanted to seek help because for about 8 years now I believe demons and ghosts and paranormal entities are after me. I believe this most of the time, but sometimes, out of nowhere, it gets super intense and i feel a presence in the room which makes me go almost mad. It feels as though my body and my mind is out of sync. Like my soul has shifted from my body just a few centimeters and i can feel it. I feel disconnected. Recently my paranoia has gotten so bad, that my lights stay on all night. And someone has to stand in the bathroom while i take a shower. I didn't know that it was called a 'delusion' until my doctor said it was. I have many others such as; if my sleeping position is like that of a dead person, the death angels will mistake me for dead and take me away. This has made me start practicing my religion so that maybe it can scare the entities away.. I never used to be religious.

I do not hallucinate. Although i have in the past i think. I believe in what i saw and heard in the past is true, but since nobody noticed them, i guess you could call it a hallucination. I can't remember how old i was, but i remember seeing a hand moving next to my bedside table while i was in bed. I rubbed my eyes and it was still there, a black hand or black shadow moving right next to my head. Another one was 2 years ago but was auditory. i was alert and getting ready to go to bed at my grandma's house with my sister. We were sleeping in the same room. I was getting ready for bed and suddenly i began to hear children laughing and giggling in the backyard and running around. I looked outside; nobody there. Then they began to clang the bars outside of the window right next to my head. It was horrifying because there was nobody there.
Also i remember a few years ago, running along edges i used to see black hands appear and trying to grab me. Though it used to amuse me in a confusing way.

Highschool was a terrible experience. My memory was so horrific that no matter how hard i tried i couldn't do anything. I've always been into art, i even sell my artwork now. I was diagnosed with STAM or something. A short term auditory memory disorder or something. I don't know simple maths and cannot find a job because of it. That, and the fact that i have absolutely NO interest in finding one. The school counselor thought i had aspergers because i could not feel appropriate emotion, especially empathy. I still don't understand why people can get upset over a death when it is so natural. I find people pathetic.

My friends have stopped talking to me because apparently i've gone weird. My bestfriends think i'm overreacting because i think everybody hates me and is trying to ruin my life. But i have perfect reasons for them. They look at me funny. People who like other people don't look at other people like that.

I have absolutely no wish to do anything with my life. Nothing bothers me. I'm not even depressed! But something is going on i can't understand. I used to play a lot of games, but now i can't even do that. I spend most of my time doing absolutely nothing. My thoughts are scrambled, i realised i began to have conversations with myself and think like i'm in a storybook. I sleep forever and can't get out of bed. I laugh at death and people and violence. It upsets and offends people. But to me they're actually funny. I also have disgusting and horrific sexual fantasies, i'm not sure if that's part of anything though. But my mind is constantly either racing, talking in third-person (etc she did this she said that she succeeding she felt hopeless) or my mind goes completely blank. When people talk to me they have to repeat the sentence or words a few times because i just don't understand.

I've also felt "evil" for the past few years. Like i want to dress and be evil. But then i start to think about whether i'd want to be good and white instead of dark. I don't know if that means anything either, but i debate it in my mind a lot.

I do not expect a diagnosis or whatever, i just want a bit of direction to whatever the hell is happening. I don't feel sick, you know? It doesn't make sense.

My question is: Do these symptoms fit into the criteria for Schizophrenia? is it possible to have it without having Hallucinations? How do you guys cope with delusions without medication? Also, can delusions come first and then hallucinations much later? My next appointment with a psychologist is in 3 months, and i'm really worried about seeing a psychiatrist.

Equinyte wrote:I initially wanted to seek help because for about 8 years now I believe demons and ghosts and paranormal entities are after me. I believe this most of the time, but sometimes, out of nowhere, it gets super intense and i feel a presence in the room which makes me go almost mad.

That's what a psychiatrist would say is paranoid and delusional thinking, sounds horrible, I've had similar experiences, including feeling "possessed".

Equinyte wrote:It feels as though my body and my mind is out of sync. Like my soul has shifted from my body just a few centimeters and i can feel it. I feel disconnected.

Yeah, like your mind just isn't connected to the outside, it's within itself, on another plane, I relate to that. A psychiatrist might say it's a sign of the withdrawal from reality that happens with schizophrenia.

Equinyte wrote:Highschool was a terrible experience. My memory was so horrific that no matter how hard i tried i couldn't do anything.

Memory problems are part of the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. I need things repeated to me a lot, I need things written down to get through daily stuff.

Equinyte wrote:I used to play a lot of games, but now i can't even do that. I spend most of my time doing absolutely nothing.

Sounds like you might have the apathy and loss of emotion, again negative symptoms. You also say you sleep a lot, signifying lack of energy (negative symptom).

Equinyte wrote:My thoughts are scrambled, i realised i began to have conversations with myself and think like i'm in a storybook.But my mind is constantly either racing, talking in third-person (etc she did this she said that she succeeding she felt hopeless) or my mind goes completely blank.

I get chaotic thoughts a lot, or they're blank. I prefer the blankness. Sometimes the third-person thoughts inside my head make me laugh but mostly they're unpleasant. I also feel like I'm acting out a plot in my life that is all planned and psychically monitored by people/entities. These intrusive thought insertions tend to walk over my normal thoughts and are often unsettling or derogatory, or just throw me completely off.

Equinyte wrote:I do not expect a diagnosis or whatever, i just want a bit of direction to whatever the hell is happening. I don't feel sick, you know? It doesn't make sense.

My question is: Do these symptoms fit into the criteria for Schizophrenia? is it possible to have it without having Hallucinations? How do you guys cope with delusions without medication? Also, can delusions come first and then hallucinations much later? My next appointment with a psychologist is in 3 months, and i'm really worried about seeing a psychiatrist.

I can't diagnose you but you share a lot of things with me which I have mentioned and I have schizophrenia. I believe you can have it without necessarily having halucinations, but it sounds like you've experienced them in the past anyway. My halucinations started to increase the older I got, it's hard to remember how I coped with delusions without medication.

I can't diagnose you but you share a lot of things with me which I have mentioned and I have schizophrenia. I believe you can have it without necessarily having halucinations, but it sounds like you've experienced them in the past anyway. My halucinations started to increase the older I got, it's hard to remember how I coped with delusions without medication.

At what age did your hallucinations begin? Was it sudden?

Just last week i walked into a cafe with a blank mind and the waitress' face turned into a horrifying skull. But i wasn't directly looking at her, it wasn't the corner of my eye it was in between. To be honest i don't know if it really happened or not because my memory is atrocious lol. I remember it happening but i can't remember if my mind was just playing tricks on me or not. Maybe it was an illusion. Who knows.

Also is it possible to have this 'delusion' for 8 years and progressively get worse and form into Schizophrenia? Because it started as a simple fear when i was younger and then began to manifest into something greater. It controls me now, I've lost control over it. Doesn't the symptoms begin only a few years before it hits?

I need advice on how to sleep normally without constantly feeling under attack..

Equinyte wrote:

I can't diagnose you but you share a lot of things with me which I have mentioned and I have schizophrenia. I believe you can have it without necessarily having halucinations, but it sounds like you've experienced them in the past anyway. My halucinations started to increase the older I got, it's hard to remember how I coped with delusions without medication.

At what age did your hallucinations begin? Was it sudden?

Just last week i walked into a cafe with a blank mind and the waitress' face turned into a horrifying skull. But i wasn't directly looking at her, it wasn't the corner of my eye it was in between. To be honest i don't know if it really happened or not because my memory is atrocious lol. I remember it happening but i can't remember if my mind was just playing tricks on me or not. Maybe it was an illusion. Who knows.

Also is it possible to have this 'delusion' for 8 years and progressively get worse and form into Schizophrenia? Because it started as a simple fear when i was younger and then began to manifest into something greater. It controls me now, I've lost control over it. Doesn't the symptoms begin only a few years before it hits?

I need advice on how to sleep normally without constantly feeling under attack..

My memory's really bad... but from what I can remember I think my first halucinations were at age 11 but they were few and far between, then when I was about 17 they increased to hearing voices daily, so I would say they were there from a young age but only started happening regularly when I was nearly an adult. I would say the symptoms often do begin a few years before the full-blown illness actually hits. Visual halucinations are actually quite rare from what I've heard and not as understood as voices. Schizophrenia is like a problem with brain development but it can strike at any time, i.e. you can have 'latent' schizophrenia years before the actual illness. I've seen things like rotting bodies, skeletons, monsters and things like that but these started out years before just as scared feelings that someone or something was in the room... looking at the window and thinking someone will climb through it, looking at the shadows in the room and thinking they're alive. It does feel like your mind is under attack from these troubled thoughts and halucinations. I find getting to sleep quite hard, but the medication I'm on stops most of these thoughts and halucinations. I'm not embarassed to sleep with the light on, sometimes I need to to cope with these experiences. Herbal tea might help... um... I'm not an expert lol sorry. Maybe reading a book or listening to music with the light on might help before you try going to sleep, to tire your mind out. Sounds like you might need to see a psychiatrist who can give you a proper diagnosis and medication that will calm your thoughts.

Thank you so much for your response. I've been feeling so tired lately from everything. Recently I've been seeing a lot of illusions and it's starting to scare the crap out me. Especially because they are beginning to get scarier. To be honest I don't even know if what I see is real or not, yesterday I had a glimpse of a black human figure in a walking position last night in the not-so-corner of my eye. I'm just not going to think about it. Thank you so much.

If anyone has any advice to give to me to calm me down when I feel like I'm going to be attacked, I would appreciate it heaps. I can't cope anymore, it's consuming me and I can't sleep.

Equinyte wrote:If anyone has any advice to give to me to calm me down when I feel like I'm going to be attacked, I would appreciate it heaps.

I find distraction to be helpful when feeling scared/anxious. Either that or doing anything and everything to soothe myself through all of my senses.