Anyway, first time posting here so I guess I should throw in a little background about myself before I get to the question. I tried to keep it brief, but I ended up rambling a bit more than I had hoped I would. Feel free to skip over it if you just want to get to the point of the thread. I'll throw it in quotes so it's not such an eyesore and hopefully my thread won't seem unreadably long.
I've spent the last five years staying inside nearly 24/7 and pretty much completely in self-imposed isolation. A few of those years were during homeschooling, but I still never went outside unless I was forced to. I'll admit that social anxiety is a bit of an issue for me. I've experimented with every medication from SSRIs to benzos though, even mixing them with mood enhancing stimulants like adderall, but even when I'm euphoric and have no anxiety at all I still dislike being around people and have no desire to go out. I actually like my life a lot, I have a near unlimited amount of time to spend on projects or self-education and I love having so much time to myself. I feel really fortunate that I've had the opportunity to live like this, in a lot of ways it has been a dream come true for me. There's nothing more calm and serene than going a whole day without speaking a single word to anyone.
Unfortunately though, there's still that annoying sense of loneliness that I can't seem to shake off. Some days it's hardly there at all and everything feels perfect, but other days it's unbearable. I guess it's only natural when you're alone so often, but I'm not sure how I should deal with it when the most obvious answer (going out and making friends/getting into a relationship) makes no sense because that's just unimaginably unpleasant and would require me to sacrifice the parts of my life that I love more than anything.
Wow. That was much longer than I was hoping and I haven't even gotten to the point of my post yet. Sorry about that.
Anyway, I'll try to hurry up and get to the point. I've tried everything from living vicariously inside of video games and novels to considering outlandish ideas like buying body pillows to hug (that was more than a little embarrassing to admit) or trying to force myself to fall in love with fictional characters. Some of it works better than others, especially the video games and novels, but they're temporary fixes at best.
Recently though, I've learned about a very interesting concept that I've never heard of before and it has given me a little glimmer of hope that I might be able to satisfy this irritating need for companionship without sacrificing any part of my lifestyle. Apparently there's something called a tulpa or a thought-form, it's basically a constructed personality inside of your mind that you can talk with and at some point even be able to visually see or hear through the form of a self-induced hallucination, at least according to some things that I've read about the topic. For example, Carl Jung tapped into this with his active imagination technique. The idea is based completely within reality though, nothing supernatural about it, depending on who you talk to it's either considered as a self-induced hallucination that acts as a companion or a way to glimpse into your subconscious, which is how Jung used it.
So anyway, would pursuing this be a terrible idea for a schizoid person? In theory it would solve all of my problems because you're basically creating a friend that exists on your terms and is essentially just a version of yourself that you can talk to. I've always thought that the only relationship I would want to be in would be a relationship with my clone and this is the closest thing I can think of to that, but is all of this intense self-delusion and fantasy just a slippery slope to triggering full blown schizophrenia?