VinTreya wrote:Ultimately, I think change is possible. Absence of motivation, or laziness for lack of a better word, is just the belief that your ability to affect results through your actions is ineffective. Why try if you can't change anything anyway, right? I've come to the conclusion that this is pathetic and obviously a position of powerlessness. Screw being powerless. Who wants that?
To make any change you have to first identify what you are dissatisfied with- what do you want to change? Conversely you may have a need or desire that you wish to fill/achieve. Identifying that is crucial. Second, making an appropriate plan which includes progressive realistic goals which lead incrementally to your desired results are essential. Each step must be do-able and realistic. I find it helpful to write these down on paper. Getting in touch with reality absolutely essential in overcoming laziness. Otherwise, you are just jerking yourself around. Did you overcome your fantasies? Congratulations! You are no longer delusional. This immediately legitimizes you.
Second and a halfly, connecting with people won't kill you.
Thirdly, just f*cking do it.
You clearly dont understand schizoid type of people, so lets follow your thinking path:
1: What am I dissatisfied with - what do I want to change?
I am lonely. I think that if I had a loving relationship with opposite sex, maybe i would be happier.
2: Making a plan.
Okay. I once made one quick "business" plan. Lets say I try to get dates and meet them regulary - if from all the dates I like 10% and lets say that the other party is as selective so she likes me with likelyhood of 10%. So the chance that we hit it off on a date is 0.1*0.1=1%
Then from past experience I need to factor in that in all likelyhood i will mess it up - lets say I try real hard and mess up only 50%.
So now the likelihood is 0,5%
So if I go to 100 dates the chance of finding someone is 39%
If I take at all realistic approach I think I might manage 1 date per month, because to get a date you need to find someone to approach and then also you need to prepare for 2-3 rejections.
With this its a constant workload of 8 years filled with dissapointments and promising only 39%.
In my book its just not worth it, because Im also not sure weather the goal I am after is at all possible or pleasurable.
Also I might point out that in previous experience I think that I am drawn only to women who dont like me and if for some strange coincidence woman likes me I feel repulsion or total indifference.
Actually the only viable plan is to add to previous also the following two parts:
1: I need to mask my personality and project a very different image which should be incorporated with classic tricks - for example mirroring. Mimicing her body gestures and feeding back her thoughts.
2: Even with this kind of approach i can only hope to seduce women that I am indifferent to. The idea is that maybe if I am with her long enough maybe feelings change.
So basically the only viable action plan is to lie, cheat and manipulate, although these things are wrong according my moral standards they seem to be common practices so i think i should feel comfortable of using them (anything is allowed in love and war).
But even this plan requires substantial effort and the end goal is not certain - i.e. weather i get positive emotional feedback from it. I rather doubt it, but theoretically it should be possible that people grow to love each other if they have time to get to know each other.
So after giving it much consideration I have decided that romantic pursuits are just not worth it, because even if for some lucky stroke I would find someone - it is not question of "what if i get hurt" - i know i will get hurt same as her, its question of when and how and weather the positive aspects of relationship outweigh the negative.
Even with this all said - I do meet some times with women, but usually these meetings and conversations tend to prove the general view i have stated.
Also it is interesting what you said about fantasies - delusional.
I think that many schizoid ideas have great potential, but I also think that much of what they vision will be wasted because it is very hard to get them realized. I am working as hard as i can to realize my dreams. Or lets say - one dream for now, because I have many very potential ideas in my mind which i have no time to work on for now. I have a kind of a five step program for realizing them, step one is underway (five years of work).