Our partner

Do people use you as a sounding board?

Schizoid Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: WichitaLineman, IceBlock

Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby lilmisfit » Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:09 pm

Hi, I'm new to the forum. I have not been officially diagnosed by with SPD...and personally I don't care too because I don't care if I have it "officially" or not. I don't want "treatment". All I know is from what I've been reading from this forum I finally found some people I feel I can relate too. I often feel like I'm the only person who's mind is wired this way. Anyways, when I'm at work I am friendly to my co-workers. Although I do not desire interaction with them, if they say hello I will say hi back and if they start a conversation I will continue it. As a result a lot of them like to complain to me about their life...ironically confiding in somebody who could care less. I usually block them out and smile and nod because if you do give them the painstakingly logical solution (Your mom's made you mad? Talk to her!) they'll just say "yea, but..." and not really listen anyways. Does this happen to you? If it was anywhere else than work I would have no problem telling them I don't care and quickly removing myself from area, but I refuse to make waves at work. I don't want to deal with the awkwardness of rivalries or hurt feelings going into work every day. I'd prefer to blend into the background and just be left to my work and my day dreams.
lilmisfit
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:21 pm
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 2:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby Enter the void » Sun Feb 12, 2012 9:55 pm

Hi there :)

I think people are used to babbling on and on about there boring problems and then the other person they´re talking to starts also to complain about life. It´s like a game.

"My life is bad, because of...".
"Oh, if I only could have your life, my problems are much more..."

As a schizoid it´s problematic because we don´t tell anyone at work what our problem(s) is/are so they get the impression that we like to listen. Most people also don´t want a solution to their problems, they want to play the "Poor-me"-card.

When I worked at a company there were people that went on went on.
Sometimes I said: "That´s intersting, but I real have to concentrate now."
Others were so otherworldy in their ramblings, that it took them some time to realize that I left the room during their boring rants.

You just have to look busy,try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOQmxNPTJwc

:)
Enter the void
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 106
Joined: Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:17 pm
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby Anepsios » Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:16 pm

Oh yes they do. The fact that I just stare at them and nod makes them think I'm a good listener, or even care. I even tried helping them solve their silly (for me) problems so they will stop complaining about it. Although I admit, sometimes I was actually interested in observing human relationships, maybe run some experiments (usually harmless :oops: ), but only sometimes.
Anyway, the fact is, they don't want their problem solved, they just want to whine about it. This very bad choice earned me the reputation of being a helpful guy. It still haunts me to this day.
Do not, under any circumstances, I repeat, DO NOT make the same mistake. 50 bucks you'll regret it later :wink:

Edit: Oh, I just saw I was repeating your words Enterthevoid. Sorry for that.
Last edited by Anepsios on Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Anepsios
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 517
Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2012 1:59 am
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby IceBlock » Sun Feb 12, 2012 10:24 pm

Enter the void wrote:As a schizoid it´s problematic because we don´t tell anyone at work what our problem(s) is/are so they get the impression that we like to listen. Most people also don´t want a solution to their problems, they want to play the "Poor-me"-card.

That's exactly it. I like to listen if I know I can help - I have one friend who appreciates my cool-headed thinking and my solutions. She doesn't want someone who says "oh, poor you, that's so sad", she wants to know what to do - and I can provide that. I like helping her very much.
But when someone just wants me to sympathize - I can't do that. And I can't say "everything will be all right" - I don't know what's going to happen! I can say "I'll do everything to help you and I'll stand by you whatever happens" but apparently it's not enough :?
If there's trouble...
...all us freaks have is each other.
- Abraham "Abe" Sapien
User avatar
IceBlock
Moderator: Consumer
Moderator: Consumer
 
Posts: 1775
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2011 1:05 pm
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 10:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby Chan » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:51 pm

lilmisfit wrote:Hi, I'm new to the forum. I have not been officially diagnosed by with SPD...and personally I don't care too because I don't care if I have it "officially" or not. I don't want "treatment". All I know is from what I've been reading from this forum I finally found some people I feel I can relate too. I often feel like I'm the only person who's mind is wired this way.
It might be worth getting evaluated just to confirm it.

Anyways, when I'm at work I am friendly to my co-workers. Although I do not desire interaction with them, if they say hello I will say hi back and if they start a conversation I will continue it. As a result a lot of them like to complain to me about their life...ironically confiding in somebody who could care less. I usually block them out and smile and nod because if you do give them the painstakingly logical solution (Your mom's made you mad? Talk to her!) they'll just say "yea, but..." and not really listen anyways. Does this happen to you? If it was anywhere else than work I would have no problem telling them I don't care and quickly removing myself from area, but I refuse to make waves at work. I don't want to deal with the awkwardness of rivalries or hurt feelings going into work every day. I'd prefer to blend into the background and just be left to my work and my day dreams.
Not only does it happen to me, I embrace that role - especially if it means I don't have to attempt to keep a conversation going or otherwise talk much (though I do sometimes use the Socratic method just to help them think things through and come up with their own solutions or their own understanding).
Ellsworth Toohey: Mr. Roark, we're alone here. Why don't you tell me what you think of me in any words you wish.

Howard Roark: But I don't think of you.

From the 1949 movie version of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead

SPiDers like being alone.

Loners are not lonely people. Lonely people are not loners.
Chan
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 382
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2011 10:50 pm
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 3:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby lousyskater » Wed Feb 15, 2012 9:30 am

I'm the guy everyone goes to when they have a problem, I've always been the mediator between people or groups that aren't get along, and it's pretty annoying. I'd think me being the blunt person that I am would drive people away because 9 times out of 10 the advice I give to people(while being correct for the most part) is the advice people don't want to hear.

The worst part is a lot of the time they want advice on things I'm not remotely familiar with, so I give them the most logical advice I can and then they go and do the opposite of what I told them to do and then the thing I told them that would happen if they didn't do what I said happens and then proceed to complain about it to me. It never ends...
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move" - Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.
User avatar
lousyskater
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 314
Joined: Sun Feb 27, 2011 1:49 am
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 12:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Do people use you as a sounding board?

Postby My2cents » Fri Feb 17, 2012 4:02 pm

I have an idea that might solve the problem and get people to avoid bringing their problems to you ever again… although it could have some unintended consequences worse than the original problem.

Listen closely to what they say, and think about it objectively. A lot of times you will realize that people either cause their own problems or whine about trivial things. There are things people don't want to acknowledge. Force them to. Say these things:

"It sounds like the person you're angry at is the real victim, not you. You should apologize."
"Why are you whining about something so trivial?"
"If you hadn't made that bad decision, none of this would have happened. What were you thinking?"
"If you think that's bad, you should hear about my problems."
"Go away. I'm busy."
My2cents
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:08 am
Local time: Sun Aug 31, 2014 8:14 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Schizoid Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: gatoespia, Google Adsense [Bot], smirks, Sobakaa and 64 guests

cron