hi everyone! n.n
i was wondering if you can have more than one personality disorder? i think that i am both schizoid and avoidant...
when i was fourteen, i was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. since i was about ten or so, i started really having difficulty having friends... i'm really bad at having a conversation with other people... it's like, i don't know what to do, or what i should say to them to make it interesting. i guess i want other people to like me, but i just have no idea what to do. i lost all my friends eventually, i just had such a hard time with it that i kind of shut down my social life and kept to myself. my parents hardly gave me any freedom growing up, which made me just kind of shut down and stop caring about anything even more... i kind of started hating my emotions and wishing i could shut them off. i don't like showing my emotions to other people, it just feels violating and like i'm sharing very personal information with them, even if it's a good emotion or it's appropriate for the situation. i'm VERY quiet and reserved, and i hardly talk in social settings. when i do, i usually mess it up, lol. XD my parents worried about me, and took me to a few doctors. the first one thought i had mild autism, the second thought i was schizoid. growing up, i felt like i didn't want any friends, that people just lead to problems and that i was better off flying solo. it's hard to describe, but it was sort of like there was me living in a shell... like, i built up mental walls around myself, and i just kept most of my thoughts and feelings to myself and didn't let anyone else in. i always chose solitary activities, and other wonderful schizoid stuff. XD
and then i moved out of the house, and i got a good internet connection.
i became a member on a forum of a site that i watched anime on a lot, and i made a lot of online friends. it was like all the problems i had with conversation, showing my emotions, being outgoing, and being myself just melted away. it was so easy to socialize online! i didn't care if anyone didn't like me or what i had to say or thought i was stupid.... and it made me realize that i really DID want friends and to be loved by others. i'm really close to these people i know online, really active in the forums, and i get on skype with my online friends a lot. now i wish that i had some offline friends, or that my online friends were offline, but i don't know how to make friends in rl. every time i try to have a good conversation with other people, it usually ends in awkward failure. i'm very shy because of this. my self-esteem isn't that great because of it, but i don't feel like i'm at rock-bottom self-esteem like i've heard that avoidants are supposed to be. i'm good at a lot of things outside of the social sphere, so it's not too bad...
sometimes i feel like i really want friends and to be attached to other people, and other times i'm perfectly happy with being alone. i want love, but when i get too much social interaction, it exhausts me and i just want to go off by myself. it's sort of like i'm both avoidant and schizoid. O.o
i'm wondering... do most schizoids feel like this, is this normal for us? if not, does anyone think i'm avoidant too? can you have more than one personality disorder?
thanks for reading, and sorry about the wall of text. XD <3333333333333333333333
It's my party, I'll look bored if I want to. >8(