How do you pretend to be interested in other people?

I don't particularly like or trust other people and I know you probably don't either. So, how do you go about faking it? This is an important skill to have, but I'm not a very good actor.

Pretend listen. Make questions about people and their interests. Say "I understand what you feel" or "it must be difficult" when they have problems.

Senor Blank wrote:This is an important skill to have, but I'm not a very good actor.

Are you talking about a specific situation, or just generally?

Because if it's the latter, you might have to come to terms with the fact that faking it will eventually drive you crazy. People who assume you're a caring person will expect you to remain so, and will naturally return that interest and sense of empathy. Putting on a false front can be more difficult when people feel they can get close to you, or mirror the interest you've pretended to have in them.

That said, paying attention to what they say is helpful. Remember key words or names or places so they know you were listening. Smile, but use your eyes as well as your mouth, or else it looks insincere and a little creepy. Appear relaxed. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, particularly if they're "going through" something.

It helps to know you have an escape route, or an excuse ready should they invite you somewhere. By escape route I mean the knowledge that the connection you are making is a fraudulent one, and while you intend to reap whatever benefit you are after, you are still free to disconnect from them when they get to be too much.

Senor Blank wrote:I don't particularly like or trust other people and I know you probably don't either. So, how do you go about faking it? This is an important skill to have, but I'm not a very good actor.

I can fairly easily pretend interest in someone if necessary, but the thing is i very rarely leave my house aside from the groceries and even then i hardly ever say a word... (Yeah i sometimes just stare at the cashier like a creep when paying). I guess feeling no anxiety also helps in the faking department... i never quite understood what people meant when they say they're ''so nervous/anxious''. I've always been a really calm and relaxed dude.

By the way if that's you in the profile pic then you got a really chilling gaze, not in the bad way. Just saying that you're the kind of dude that comes to my mind when i think of SPD.

I was asked this recently and I came up with a pretty good “how to lie effectively”.

You're ability to act can only be as good as your self-awareness.
In short: when lying you have to play-act yourself when you're not lying. Sounds like “duh, obviously” but it's not. The majority of people is very unaware of themselves and when they lie or act they invent! Big fat mistake! Unless you're acting in front of idiots, then it doesn't matter, which is 98% of the time, but hey, only because the audience is dumb doesn't mean the stage play has to be too. There is good lying based on invention, but that's certainly not step one.

So, again, how do you pretend to be interested? By play-acting yourself when you're interested!
Best thing is to catch yourself in the act of being interested in something, be aware of your posture, breathing, eye-movement … that's a long time project, probably unattainable for a large portion of the populace.

For the start it's pretty effective (also to tell if another is lying) to focus on head and eye-movement. Observe these two things when you're not lying and try to reproduce them.

This is an important skill to have

No, it' not. I think it's good for self-awareness. The ability to play-act yourself when you're feeling differently is a byproduct, surely useful for poker. If surroundings demand such behaviour, it's not worth it to stay there.

I was also asked where this is coming from.
One of my memories from childhood where I thought I deliberately had to lie was Christmas. My parents were divorced and tried to outdo each other when it came to presents. My father had more money and when I would be more excited about his gifts there would be consequences. So I had to be precisely equally excited and I managed that by replication. My reaction to the first batch of gifts was the template every year.

I can relate to this thread.
The essential problem is alienation. Because I've always felt alienated from the world I feel as though I've lived my whole life 'acting as if'.
In every situation I found myself I got through it by 'acting as if' I belonged in that situation.
I acted as if I was a good son. I acted as if I was a good pupil. I acted as if I was a good husband. I acted as if I was a good father. I've always acted as if I'm a good citizen.
So acting as if I'm interested in other people is easy.
Unfortunately, because the 'acting as if' is based on a false premise, it doesn't always last.

I don't pretend. I try to find something in them that interests me. If interaction is boring then it can be anything about their looks. I become absent-minded in their company unless I find something to focus on. I don't care if it's a wart on their nose. I can easily get lost in the landscape of someone's face

under ice wrote:I don't pretend. I try to find something in them that interests me.

That's a good point I never thought of. It's especially true of people I'm meeting for the first time. I tend to assess them for traits, values or interests that I can relate to. I think everybody does this on some basic level. It's not so much about feigning interest, but deciding how much of my attention they are worthy of. If I find nothing about a person that interests me, it's hard/annoying to acknowledge them.

Senor Blank wrote:I don't particularly like or trust other people and I know you probably don't either. So, how do you go about faking it? This is an important skill to have, but I'm not a very good actor.

The answer would largely depend upon the intent of the question as well as the general motive and intention for interactions overall.

What is the value and importance of life? To grow spiritually? Make it financially and increase material wealth and status? Use and take advantage of others wherever possible to meet one's own personal ends, no matter what the charade? Be the best person one can be by learning and growing and doing one's best? etc....

Regardless of the answer to the above, not particularly liking or trusting others is merely a projection of that aspect in oneself; i.e. not particularly liking or trusting "myself." If growing spiritually, psychologically or mentally is the goal here this discovery and awareness could be of far greater use and bear greater fruits than how to fool others by "acting interested in them." Concordant with this is the idea that "acting" interested actually works. This is merely an illusion propagated with the conscious or unconscious idea that we are gifted actors and capable of fooling others, when in reality what we are shines through no matter what and no one is really fooled, just perhaps oblivious themselves and therefore not strong enough to call us out on our "act."

It does work better with strangers because in the long run the wart might start to bore or annoy you. Some kind of pretty detail is better for long-term interaction purposes.