Siblings

In case you have siblings, how do they thrive, compared to you? Do they also have schizoid tendencies, or other personality-related issues? Did growing up in the same environment turned out the same for them as for you, or are they entirely different from you, personality wise, despite of growing up with the same parents/under the same circumstances?

My one brother is a loud, obnoxious, high strung defeatist asshole. I don't think he has any psychological issues other than being a jerk. He is profoundly bitter and vindictive, like me, and while that may have come from our mother, I don't think he was as affected by her toxicity as much as I was because my grandmother pretty much raised him while she was out doing God knows what. Different father, too.

My other brother shot himself in the head when I was little. Don't remember much of him.

Parenting. It sure isn't for everybody.

I've one, that's been in my shadow back then, which I didn't realize at the time.

Instead of hyper-awareness, I think regression and a very indulgent demeanor was their survival strategy.
Which resulted in being unreliable in my eyes; malleable standards, unreliable hipster friends.
I cut off contact some years ago. Has a job, partnership and lately a child.
Although it surely is “proliferation”, I let you decide if it's “thriving”.

We should factor ourselves in when talking about circumstances. I didn't had to deal with a more headstrong, older and because of that smarter sibling that was on a Vulcan-trip.

What about your siblings, ZonedOut? Did you move out by now, btw?

The loud, obnoxious brother, naps, how did you influence each other?

My sister is socially normal. She's not married, but I think she dates semi-regularly. I don't ask. She does like being around people and parties and all the things I don't really like. She has close relationships. She has been depressed in the past. She has a good job and is well liked. I would consider her a successful adult.

smirks wrote:My sister is socially normal. She's not married, but I think she dates semi-regularly. I don't ask. She does like being around people and parties and all the things I don't really like. She has close relationships. She has been depressed in the past. She has a good job and is well liked. I would consider her a successful adult.

Now, in hindsight, can you come up with anything that explains the apparently huge differences in social preferences and behavior between you two, despite the same upbringing?

Dalloway wrote:What about your siblings, ZonedOut? Did you move out by now, btw?

My only sister, who is a couple years older than me, is roughly in the same boat as me. Although superficially, her problems are different from mine, I think the core of our problems is roughly the same. It's just the way in which our core problems manifest on the surface that is slightly different. She definitely has the same identity and attachment issues as I do, but she leans more to the avoidant side in that she still wants a happy family with children and all. She still feels, much more than I do, that she has to fulfill the needs and expectations of our parents. I long separated from them mentally, while my sister is still tightly entangled with my parents and fails to go her own way as a result. She still tends to measure everything to our parents' approval. In doing so, she drives herself crazy.

I'm currently in the middle of the process of moving out. By next month, I expect to be finally out of this shithole forever.

Being SPD means that I've never been close to my family.
I have a half-brother, four years older than me, who is a decent, hard working, family man. At least, I assume he still is - I've had no contact in years (I assume he's retired by now).
His older brother (my other half-brother) also was a decent, hard working, family man, but he killed himself at 32 (40 years ago) - whatever was going on in his head he kept there.

My younger brother is doing great. He's successful, well adjusted, has a lot of friends, is getting married this year, and cooperates with our parents effortlessly, and in exchange they've given him support whenever he'd benefit from it. I think they figured out a lot about parenting with me, and then applied the lessons with him and did a better job.

I have 4 older brothers, all of whom have problems. I think most outside observers--my cousins for instance--would say I'm the best adjusted of them all.

My oldest brother takes after my father & has some of the same paranoid PD. He's an asshole actively antagonizes family (I don't think he has friends). The next eldest shot himself a couple years ago while he was severly depressed. The next probably has SPD & maybe spcial phobia. He's friendly but has no lasting friendships (like me). Hes never had a sexual relationship. He lives in my parent's old house w the next eldest. That brother hss a lot of health issues some psychosomatic. He has anxiety, depression & drug issues as do I & the other brother he lives with. I know he's attempted suicide a few times. He also has an almost pathological need to be liked. We all inherited considerable money when my brother the doctor shot himself, but he managed to spend all his in a year doing things like giving 5 grand to an ex-housecleaner so she could move & buying his old girlfriend a car. He also forms grudges when people aren't sufficiently appreciative. He wouldn't speak to me for a couple years because I wouldn't lend him money. So overall a lot of mental health problems.

I have a brother and a sister, both younger than me, and I have no confidence with them. We're like strangers for each other. My brother could be schizoid, but he has a moderate social life; my sister, instead, is quite conformist, and that is an anomaly in my family.

ZonedOut wrote:

smirks wrote:My sister is socially normal. She's not married, but I think she dates semi-regularly. I don't ask. She does like being around people and parties and all the things I don't really like. She has close relationships. She has been depressed in the past. She has a good job and is well liked. I would consider her a successful adult.

Now, in hindsight, can you come up with anything that explains the apparently huge differences in social preferences and behavior between you two, despite the same upbringing?

I've just always needed/wanted less social interaction than she has.

When we were little, she would throw many more temper tantrums, but she would also hug people more, and invite her friends over to the house.

I was perfectly content to be left alone with books or television or music or art supplies.

I know I was left with my grandparents a lot as a baby, and I'm not sure that my sister was, but differences between us arose very early on. I was, as a kid, close to my grandparents. I don't know that we had the same upbringing. Upbringings are interactional, and because we had very different levels of attachment and expressiveness growing up, it would naturally change the way we were treated by our parents, and by classmates, etc.