by UK SPD » Tue Sep 27, 2016 1:21 pm
I'm a 62 year old male diagnosed as SPD about four years ago.
The sex question is interesting.
In my late teens I was curious about sex until I did It, and thereafter was less interested.
I've always found other men's apparent obsession with sex strange. Actually, I find what many people do in sex, to get sex, and how it's a dominating motive, strange.
I don't understand why anyone should want to have sex with someone they don't know, so I've never had a 'casual' sexual encounter - three girlfriends lasting months each and two marriages. Both marriages were of reasonable duration, 15 years and 13 years, but that's probably more to do with the strength of social convention than with their really being satisfied in the relationship. Though I am 'romantically' loving, so that helps.
I've always preferred to masturbate, but recognised it's self-obsessiveness, and alienation from others. You can never shake guilt.
In fact, I never really got why anyone should want my private parts invading their personal body space.
It has been suggested that I might be gay, but I doubt it. I live in a city with a vibrant gay community and it has never interested me (however, I would never under estimate the power of self-deception).
I got the idea that I may be asexual very early on (when I looked the word up in a dictionary in my mid teens). The same applies to my thinking I might be a sociopath when I was about 19/20. SPD fits with both.
I have a lot of regrets. I'd like to change some fundamentals about me, but they're probably too deeply entrenched now. Being SPD is who I am as much as what I am.
Perhaps the schizoid part in SPD is all about constructing the me I want to present to the world.
Does anybody else tend to recreate themselves in a new social situation, and give yourself an invented background? I've done it several times over my life.