Detachment of conscience

under ice wrote:Maybe you have alexithymia

I'm unfamiliar with that term. Ice heard if anhedonia but that's a symptom similar with a lot if other disorders. Are you saying that I'm different from "analog" schizoid because of that?

Stunnergunz wrote:

under ice wrote:Maybe you have alexithymia

I'm unfamiliar with that term. Ice heard if anhedonia but that's a symptom similar with a lot if other disorders. Are you saying that I'm different from "analog" schizoid because of that?

I have no idea what you mean by an analog schizoid. Alexithymia is something that you can have in addition to schizoid traits, look it up and you'll know if it resonates with you.
Do you think that your mother's schizophrenia has something to do with your lack of conscience and impulsivity? What kind of upbringing did you have?

under ice wrote:

Stunnergunz wrote:

under ice wrote:Maybe you have alexithymia

I'm unfamiliar with that term. Ice heard if anhedonia but that's a symptom similar with a lot if other disorders. Are you saying that I'm different from "analog" schizoid because of that?

I have no idea what you mean by an analog schizoid. Alexithymia is something that you can have in addition to schizoid traits, look it up and you'll know if it resonates with you.
Do you think that your mother's schizophrenia has something to do with your lack of conscience and impulsivity? What kind of upbringing did you have?

When I mean analog schizoid I mean an overt or ordinary schizoid. I'm far more covert, but I have other traits too. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I feel like the vast majority of symptoms I have would frustrate even a psychologist. Because that word looked tempting and made me curious, I did look it up. I mean what is it? Basically an inability to link emotions to words? I feel that all the time, yeah, but isn't that typical of most schizoids? I also read about how people with ale- whatever and they're inability to recognize emotions. I mean, what's there to recognize when there isn't emotion at all. Could you emphasize what exactly it means in your own words so that those long Wikipedia explanations don't confuse me. And yes, I believe my inherited schizophrenia traits from my maternal side are the huge chunk of my problem. I also had a poor upbringing. I got into fights in elementary and middle school. I had very few friends that time, other students disliked me. I was very emotional when I was younger. My dad used to hit me leading me to cry. Of course that's typical of most parents. My mom was lazy, did not have a job nor could she drive and caused our family a lot of stress because she made frequent visits to the ER because of her schizophrenia. So yeah there's my Cinderella story. Now I'm left emotionless but the impulsivity I had as a kid hasn't gone. In my late high school years I was cheated, bullied and given a lot of stress to by my peers. (I lived in a 3rd world country, but returned to the United States afterwards). Those assholes for a bunch of stupid shut which always pisseds me off. So yeah, after all that happened, somewhere in my mind an anti stress/ anti emotion coating embedded my mind leaving me numb

I can neither give you a better explanation of alexithymia than the Wikipedia, nor can I say if it's typical for schizoids to not recognize their emotions, but it's not in the diagnostic criteria. Schizoids show less feelings than other people but that doesn't automatically mean they feel less.

I mean what is it? Basically an inability to link emotions to words? I feel that all the time, yeah, but isn't that typical of most schizoids? I also read about how people with ale- whatever and they're inability to recognize emotions. I mean, what's there to recognize when there isn't emotion at all.

Well basically when you don't recognize your emotions you would feel like there isn't emotion at all.

You still act and talk impulsively -- if you didn't have any feelings at all you probably wouldn't do this.

If you're still interested you could take this test http://www.alexithymia.us/test-alex.html. You can also do a search on the left side of the screen, it will find you all the posts on this forum that have been posted to discussions about alexithymia.

Sorry to hear about what you've been through with your family. That too may explain why you are having all those difficulties in social situations. Anyway, alexithymia is just one possibility among many.

-- Sun Aug 21, 2016 1:36 am --

'One possibility among many' meaning one possible explanation/interpretation of what's going on with you. Because as you probably know, those are just descriptive frames of reference.

under ice wrote:I can neither give you a better explanation of alexithymia than the Wikipedia, nor can I say if it's typical for schizoids to not recognize their emotions, but it's not in the diagnostic criteria. Schizoids show less feelings than other people but that doesn't automatically mean they feel less.

I mean what is it? Basically an inability to link emotions to words? I feel that all the time, yeah, but isn't that typical of most schizoids? I also read about how people with ale- whatever and they're inability to recognize emotions. I mean, what's there to recognize when there isn't emotion at all.

Well basically when you don't recognize your emotions you would feel like there isn't emotion at all.

You still act and talk impulsively -- if you didn't have any feelings at all you probably wouldn't do this.

If you're still interested you could take this test http://www.alexithymia.us/test-alex.html. You can also do a search on the left side of the screen, it will find you all the posts on this forum that have been posted to discussions about alexithymia.

Sorry to hear about what you've been through with your family. That too may explain why you are having all those difficulties in social situations. Anyway, alexithymia is just one possibility among many.

-- Sun Aug 21, 2016 1:36 am --

'One possibility among many' meaning one possible explanation/interpretation of what's going on with you. Because as you probably know, those are just descriptive frames of reference.

Looked it up, yeah I resemble a lot of those traits. Schizoid is only a bit short. As for schizoid feeling less than others, they have emotion, but are mentally clouded to identify the emotions. I know when emotions are necessary, just unable to retrieve them. This puts me off as an uncaring prick. That's what one person with that disorder says about it.

-- Sat Aug 20, 2016 10:38 pm --

Well this talk is great for bringing hopes up, but for actually getting those chemical brain messengers working like they're supposedto to I got to do something else. Nothn like a good ol gram of sattiva to get those social hormones firin ey?

Self-medication can be a double-edged sword .
I was really sleepy last night when I posted to this thread and too tired to pay properly attention to this:

And yes, I believe my inherited schizophrenia traits from my maternal side are the huge chunk of my problem. I also had a poor upbringing. I got into fights in elementary and middle school. I had very few friends that time, other students disliked me. I was very emotional when I was younger. My dad used to hit me leading me to cry. Of course that's typical of most parents. My mom was lazy, did not have a job nor could she drive and caused our family a lot of stress because she made frequent visits to the ER because of her schizophrenia. So yeah there's my Cinderella story. Now I'm left emotionless but the impulsivity I had as a kid hasn't gone. In my late high school years I was cheated, bullied and given a lot of stress to by my peers. (I lived in a 3rd world country, but returned to the United States afterwards). Those assholes for a bunch of stupid shut which always pisseds me off. So yeah, after all that happened, somewhere in my mind an anti stress/ anti emotion coating embedded my mind leaving me numb

I'd like to comment on this, but a past full of traumas is such a huge issue that I have problems in finding words (as a non-native speaker of English) and I'd much rather give up, but I'll try to say something anyway.

Every kid is entitled to expect love and safety and stability from their growing environment and regardless of being humans who make mistakes parents should provide those in a way that is somewhat consistent. Some theorists suggest that in order to adapt, if your parents behave in a way that threatens your healthy development, the picture you formulate inside of your mind of those who provide you 'safety' is negative and therefore in the long run it will make you troubled instead of making you stronger, which is actually what happens at first. At the time it happens you don't have a choice because you do it in order to survive. Basically, a kid growing in an emotionally unsafe environment is in a constant process of trying to reconstruct their shattered self image in a way that serves their survival. In order to cope emotionally they have to include all the harmful elements in the picture that they build, but in the end that leads into a ###$ up self image. In order to not be aware of what kind of stuff they had to absorb they try to bury the emotions related to those people and memories as deep as possible, but as they grow up, those things will affect their lives in multiple ways. One is emotional leakage that displays on the level of behaviour, as inexplicable mood changes, for some it can be self-harm and so on, depending on so many individual things. Basically you do and/or say things that you don't plan to do or say and can't tap into any feeling behind it.

Nevertheless, that's just a theory, it may not make sense to you at all but to me it does. Some people go to therapy where they try to sort out their lives and maybe eventually recognize the emotions and reconnect them as a part of a more complete and less erratic sense of self. Some people talk about these things on forums, find peer support and make slow progress towards a less enigmatic self-image. I think it's more important to seek help than diagnostic explanations, which are helpful for getting the right kind of help of course.

Many people on this forum grew up in a dysfunctional family.
I give up for now because this takes way too much time to type.

under ice wrote:Self-medication can be a double-edged sword .
I was really sleepy last night when I posted to this thread and too tired to pay properly attention to this:

And yes, I believe my inherited schizophrenia traits from my maternal side are the huge chunk of my problem. I also had a poor upbringing. I got into fights in elementary and middle school. I had very few friends that time, other students disliked me. I was very emotional when I was younger. My dad used to hit me leading me to cry. Of course that's typical of most parents. My mom was lazy, did not have a job nor could she drive and caused our family a lot of stress because she made frequent visits to the ER because of her schizophrenia. So yeah there's my Cinderella story. Now I'm left emotionless but the impulsivity I had as a kid hasn't gone. In my late high school years I was cheated, bullied and given a lot of stress to by my peers. (I lived in a 3rd world country, but returned to the United States afterwards). Those assholes for a bunch of stupid shut which always pisseds me off. So yeah, after all that happened, somewhere in my mind an anti stress/ anti emotion coating embedded my mind leaving me numb

I'd like to comment on this, but a past full of traumas is such a huge issue that I have problems in finding words (as a non-native speaker of English) and I'd much rather give up, but I'll try to say something anyway.

Every kid is entitled to expect love and safety and stability from their growing environment and regardless of being humans who make mistakes parents should provide those in a way that is somewhat consistent. Some theorists suggest that in order to adapt, if your parents behave in a way that threatens your healthy development, the picture you formulate inside of your mind of those who provide you 'safety' is negative and therefore in the long run it will make you troubled instead of making you stronger, which is actually what happens at first. At the time it happens you don't have a choice because you do it in order to survive. Basically, a kid growing in an emotionally unsafe environment is in a constant process of trying to reconstruct their shattered self image in a way that serves their survival. In order to cope emotionally they have to include all the harmful elements in the picture that they build, but in the end that leads into a ###$ up self image. In order to not be aware of what kind of stuff they had to absorb they try to bury the emotions related to those people and memories as deep as possible, but as they grow up, those things will affect their lives in multiple ways. One is emotional leakage that displays on the level of behaviour, as inexplicable mood changes, for some it can be self-harm and so on, depending on so many individual things. Basically you do and/or say things that you don't plan to do or say and can't tap into any feeling behind it.

Nevertheless, that's just a theory, it may not make sense to you at all but to me it does. Some people go to therapy where they try to sort out their lives and maybe eventually recognize the emotions and reconnect them as a part of a more complete and less erratic sense of self. Some people talk about these things on forums, find peer support and make slow progress towards a less enigmatic self-image. I think it's more important to seek help than diagnostic explanations, which are helpful for getting the right kind of help of course.

Many people on this forum grew up in a dysfunctional family.
I give up for now because this takes way too much time to type.

Your well thought of/ time consumed essay is appreciated and you will be rewarded. Thank you for the consideration. Ultimately therapy is the best solution to this madness, but honestly what's the best they're gonna do? Of course its schizoid personality, but unless they have some sort of mind reading device, they won't know exactly what's wrong. Its not like a blood test where you can just check for aids,cancer diabetes.... even though were classified into these sub disorders. The truth is everyone is psychologically unique. I'd give a noble award to someone who can bring two people and say that absolutely every psychological and mental aspect of them is similar. Anyone's. Yeah a harsh early life will lead to oil fallen on the path ahead. The mind kinda has mechanisms of its own in order to survive like you said... the subconscious is what I'm using right now to write this explanation as I know what i is wrong with my brain, but I'm trying to fight it helplessly. Its kinda like I've been(and some schizoid/ psychopaths have) tweaked to where we feel very little worry/stress or even fear(there are some exceptions like getting your car stolen, or being chased by a bear, or almost getting arrested) things like that that do spur negative emotions s for the sake of survival, but for a social cause there's hardly any emotion( at least not now). So yeah. I've heard schizoid say that they be been unemotional from the start, if i how that's possible even. Children are supposed to be excited, energetic and happy. Its the negative experiences or brain changes as they get older that causes them to become emotionless. That's my story. So yeah there's my 2 cents. Just once again wanted to say that therapy might help. In fact I found s drug that controls my impulses in fact, but it won't bring back emotions. You know what(and many other schizoids) feel when we smoke weed? Initially we do it feeling nothing and not being able to see the importance because girlie minds are wrapped around an emotional filtering system. But when I do, its like not only I feel emotion, but I'm also recapturing all the negative emotion in my earlier life and its memories as well. It basically brings out the inner child in you and shows what's wrong. I'm pretty sure lsd or more potent hallucinogens would work far better and probably even scare the death out of a schizoid by showing them their true emotions again. Anyways, I tend to write a lot on this stuff, but its ok. That's why I waited till the end if the day to do it.

Ultimately therapy is the best solution to this madness, but honestly what's the best they're gonna do? Of course its schizoid personality, but unless they have some sort of mind reading device, they won't know exactly what's wrong. Its not like a blood test where you can just check for aids,cancer diabetes.... even though were classified into these sub disorders. The truth is everyone is psychologically unique. I'd give a noble award to someone who can bring two people and say that absolutely every psychological and mental aspect of them is similar. Anyone's.

True, therapy is not like a blood test or any of those things you mentioned and everyone is psychologically unique, which kind of undermines the credibility of diagnostic criteria. When people are desperate to be textbook examples of the required criteria they sometimes go astray.

I've never been in proper therapy, just some kind of short intervention type of counselling with 5 - 6 appointments with the therapist. It gave me a chance to talk about things that bothered me and do some reality testing. Since my problems tend to surface when I'm interacting with people I think it's better to try to solve them by interacting with people. I mean, when I'm alone I usually feel safe and don't feel like I need help for any issues, and therefore the whole thought of doing something about them seems useless.

In fact I found s drug that controls my impulses in fact, but it won't bring back emotions. You know what(and many other schizoids) feel when we smoke weed? Initially we do it feeling nothing and not being able to see the importance because girlie minds are wrapped around an emotional filtering system. But when I do, its like not only I feel emotion, but I'm also recapturing all the negative emotion in my earlier life and its memories as well. It basically brings out the inner child in you and shows what's wrong. I'm pretty sure lsd or more potent hallucinogens would work far better and probably even scare the death out of a schizoid by showing them their true emotions again.

I have little experience of other drugs than alcohol. The last couple of times I was inebriated I noticed that I had impulsive thoughts and emotions that were incompatible with the way I normally think and feel about things. It was disturbing. I think I've seen articles about LSD as medication and the results were even positive, but I'm not sure if I remember right.

I have little experience of other drugs than alcohol. The last couple of times I was inebriated I noticed that I had impulsive thoughts and emotions that were incompatible with the way I normally think and feel about things. It was disturbing. I think I've seen articles about LSD as medication and the results were even positive, but I'm not sure if I remember right.[/quote]

I've heard if lsd acting as the miracle schizoid repellant drug. It amplifies what weed does in both positive and negative ways.I've even heard of some schizoids who experimented with just one tab being completely ridden of it afterwards. It's better to do lsd once and putting up with the scary effects of it to get rid of SPD than becoming a pothead and smoking occasionally only to place a temporary mask.

Because of my nightmare disorder, which was unrecognized and untreated, I used to think that if I took LSD it would inevitably be a bad trip that would screw my mind totally. I've been mostly over my nightmares for years now and would probably get something good out of LSD or MDMA . Anyway, I'm not interested in using drugs at all.