Problem with one-on-one conversations...?

My first post on this forum ^ ^ Still not 100% sure if I am hfa or schizoid, I am lacking some symptoms of hfa and my psychiatrist unofficially commented that I fit schizoid criteria well.

It's hard for me to handle one on one scenarios especially when the person does not already know what kind of a person I am (I have like 2 people in the world other than my parents who know me well enough lol). Routine conversations and business/academic talks are fine, but occasionally the expectation extends beyond just dry business (even in business personal charm is a thing?). And I hate hate hate when I have to try really hard and awkwardly to cover my flat affection so I do not frighten away the person, or make he/she thinks I am a weirdo (well the fact is that in a way, I AM). I hate to let the person recognize that I can't get myself become interested in what he/she is talking about, since what I am truly interested about is the utility of a friendship, and it take great effort to come up with appropriate comments/expressions - when I sense the person can get my sarcasm I'll use that to get around my lack of empath; but when this doesn't work, usually things won't go so well.
Generally it seems I have nearly no other people's sort of in-built, natural and proactive reactions. I can only mirror what I see from them.

Do any of you struggle with those and how do you cope with it?

I can kind of relate. I usually do better at conversations if I've seen the person on a daily basis (even if I don't converse with them on a daily basis). In terms of completely new situations and people, I am very awful at conversation. I tend to stay quiet and find myself unable to keep the conversation going, most often I have little eye contact or too much eye contact, I might laugh at everything they say or at inappropriate times, and my attempts at conversation tend to be obviously forced. Sometimes I also say a completely wrong response to what I had in mind and realise it a second later.

The way I cope with it, I usually don't lol. I linger on until the person leaves or I warm up to them (which depending on the situation, might take a long time). I'm a very scripted person, which means that before I get into a certain situation, I need to have every outcome scripted so I know exactly what to say or do. Example: I scripted my first time ordering at a food store (I failed and accidentally ordered something completely different). In other cases, I would say that this usually works. I jot down all my possible conversation topics to keep it going and whatnot. At least, that's how I cope with my social ineptness lol. If that's not your style, then I don't know

I understand what you mean by mirroring, though. For example, if I'm with a very extroverted and hyper person, I find myself attempting to act exactly like they are (loud, talkative, etc), but failing miserably because I just can't keep up. But yeah, scripting and rehearsing is what I usually do to help myself in specific cases. I'm not a good improviser.

mellowMaximus wrote:I'm a very scripted person, which means that before I get into a certain situation, I need to have every outcome scripted so I know exactly what to say or do.

Now I have a name for what I do.. a "scripted person"!
Thank you.

Regarding the OP: This is "normal" SPD behaviour..
Some Schizoids are sensitive so they try to fake a friendly conversation, while other Schizoids deal with it by being rude.

i don't usually have trouble with one-on-one conversation (with people i know and with strangers alike). i get anxious sometimes, but as a rule it's not a major problem. my anxiety has more to do with the situation than with the conversation itself (like, whether i'm being judged or not, and what the implications are)

what i do have trouble with is group interaction (with people i know and with strangers alike...). it's not as much about difficulty with the interaction per se as it is about a sense of lack of control, while being judged at the same time. it's just too much information for me to handle at once in real-time. i get angry, but of course it's not appropriate to display it, and drawing attention to myself that way would only make things a lot worse. it's usually very taxing for me to "behave", because i need to be constantly self-monitoring and self-censoring

Trying if the quotes work 0 0

I tend to stay quiet and find myself unable to keep the conversation going, most often I have little eye contact or too much eye contact

Yes eye contact, I can force myself to make eye contact but mostly don't do that because... not sure. It's either I prefer not to expose myself or I'm not interested in seeing their emotions. I remember when I was a kid my mom used to think I'm autistic and asked me to make eye contact with her a lot. I found absolutely no problem doing it.
For conversations I already picked up a lot of routine phrases throughout years, it makes things so much easier for me to speak with complete strangers... but not when the stranger is trying to become friend with me =/ Since that requires me to be really engaging with them and with whatever they are saying.

I might laugh at everything they say or at inappropriate times

I relate to that a lot. Sitting in classroom sneering (yes sneer) at the professor's comments pretending that people think it funny, only to realize immediately afterwards that no one else find it funny. Awkward lol.

If that's not your style, then I don't know

Not really maybe because I tend to be both lazy and impulsive. Scripting seems sort of counter intuitive. Yet I am a horrible improviser, and sort of blaming myself not even trying hard enough to improvise...So yea that looks like something I should do

This is "normal" SPD behaviour

Good to hear I fall into the 'normal' range
For me it makes more sense to be friendly rather than rude, though I am secretly hostile. Somewhat paranoid but not really. I don't think other people are trying to harm me, but I project negative thoughts and motivations onto others a lot, yet always trying to appear neutral-friendly. There are occasions where I accidentally reveal such hostile side of me and received 'undesirable' consequences.

my anxiety has more to do with the situation than with the conversation itself (like, whether i'm being judged or not, and what the implications are)

It may sounds a bit controversial, but I don't really care whether being judged or not. But I do strive to leave a good impression on others (like being warm and friendly - even though I am more hostile and suspicious and embittered under the mask), so in a way I do care???? Maybe it's more about the utility and convenience that I can get from a good impression? However at the same time, the upkeep of such a positive image costs a lot of energy. I don't even know why I still keep trying that

about a sense of lack of control

it's usually very taxing for me to "behave", because i need to be constantly self-monitoring and self-censoring

Yes and yes, I can totally relate to these.

I have a big family, and have worked in some busy customer service environments, like retail. My ability to emote is borked, but thanks to a lot of interaction, I'm good at mimicking. Some basic study in psychology has also given me an arsenal of phrases for awkward moments, like when someone is going through a difficult time and I can't empathize.

However, the price I pay for that is a constant, almost dissociative (?) state where I react on autopilot, entirely on learned memory, without being able to remember the conversations. My actual mind disengages completely. It's much, much better online, where I can disconnect from the need for immediate response, and take my time to actually take in what's being said, and formulate my reply.