Bricklaying

I remember that on my very first session with a psychologist, the shrink told me something about bricklaying. She told me something along these lines

"People put a brick and expect you to place another in order to build a castle, but you place none."

I kind know what she meant, but at the time, I tought.

"Good, I dont need a castle"

This week I've started to reflect about it. Why was that mentioned on the very first session? What that suposes to mean?

I know I have a problem with long term goals.

It probably means that you don't participate with whatever other people are doing. That is something that they also talk with me about. We are the odd ones out. The thing that she doesn't realize that other people are not really interested in building a castle. I think she doesn't even know of a literal example that fits the metaphor.

Well, it's a process metaphor. Psychologists often emphasize that the work done is a process, and often a continual one to try to get patients involved in regular appointments as part of the process.

FWIW I would have had the same reaction as you did, creative_nothing.

I suppose that if she said that the first time, it was in regard to what you told her - sort of metaphoric summary of what you told her?

The metaphor is interesting. I have that impression sometimes, from the other side. Relate with someone is sort of castle that one builds. Consciouly or most of the time, unconsciously. It's disrupting (i don't find the word in english) when the other person doesn't put the next brick. Sort of impression of loneliness/weight then I give up.

if you don't want a castle, then that's perfectly fine, and it's ignorant to assume that you necessarily want any castle

the problem is when you show that you want it, someone starts the bricklaying, then they look at you, and you look at them waiting for them to keep going

anagram wrote:the problem is when you show that you want it, someone starts the bricklaying, then they look at you, and you look at them waiting for them to keep going

So do you mean that is better to act overtly schizoid than covertly?
I guess this is my fault.

creative_nothing wrote:So do you mean that is better to act overtly schizoid than covertly?

giving that terminology any credit is against my religion so, no, i wouldn't put it that way. i don't even know what you mean anyway

what i do mean is that if you express that you want something that involves someone else's effort, and, based on what you have expressed, they do make that effort expecting to build something with you (personal or not), then it's only fair that you do your part too. or else just quit and go home. then complain if you will (life isn't fair, it just is what it is), but know that it's your choice anyway

I am not the one who promisses doing things. But I guess I am the one who always try to keep a friendly, interested and engaged remark. That may make people believe that I do want to build a castle.

That was what I was trying to say.

Edit:
I guess also when it comes to romantic relations I am not uninterested at the begining. The truth is I get afraid when other over respond becaming 'too intimate, too quickly'. I am not a sexual predator, so whenever I sense someone wants much more than what I expect from a relationship I withdraw. But I guess this celibacy doesnt prevent woman form getting attached. I've already told that on previous threads, I am the ugly narcissus.



Is not a covert SPD sympton to be deeply curious about others?

I mean when it comes to interpersonal relations schizoids can be.

Akhtar wrote:Overt:
withdrawn
aloof
have few close friends
impervious to others' emotions
afraid of intimacy

Covert:
exquisitely sensitive
deeply curious about others
hungry for love
envious of others' spontaneity
intensely needy of involvement with others
capable of excitement with carefully selected intimates

creative_nothing wrote:I am not the one who promisses doing things. But I guess I am the one who always try to keep a friendly, interested and engaged remark. That may make people believe that I do want to build a castle.

That was what I was trying to say.

okay. yeah that's why i said "if you express that you want something", rather than "if you want something". because people can't read your mind. so if you express that you want it, then, outside your head, for all intents and purposes, you want it

Is not a covert SPD sympton to be deeply curious about others?

don't ask me

Yes, but you can't be all of that at the same time. You can't be withdrawn and deeply curious about others. That's a contradiction.