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What is intimacy?

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What is intimacy?

Postby Sepia » Sun Nov 29, 2015 8:20 pm

I seem to experience nearly all aspects of SPD, including the psychodynamic aspects. Except for one thing: I'm not aware of having any fear of intimacy. But maybe it is there somewhere deep down, and maybe that is why I find social interaction boring and pointless.

But what even is intimacy? If it's the feeling of love, why should I fear that, as it's a nice feeling? If it's talking about myself, I don't see why that should be a problem either. I don't see why talking about myself is a big deal or why it is even supposed to be "intimate" or make me close to someone. In fact, I don't think I know why any activities that are supposed to be "intimate" are any different from any other activities. They don't feel different, aside from being maybe a bit weird and uncomfortable (ex. holding hands, eye contact).

I can like someone and feel fondness toward them. I can have high respect for someone and feel appreciation and loyalty toward them. I suppose these things are love. But what is intimacy? Is anyone able to answer that?
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby anagram » Sun Nov 29, 2015 9:13 pm

intimacy is when two people mutually compromise their personal space (physical or emotional) and their individuality, to a greater extent than they would in general, in order to reduce their innate sense of loneliness by feeling closer to each other

it can be a major cause for fear because, by definition, it has the potential to threaten the integrity of your sense of self, which will trigger your basic instinct of fear of death. people with a more solid and stable sense of self won't be threatened as easily as those with a more unstable one though

there's a catch there. stable doesn't mean solid. stability can be threatened by uncommon or first-time events when the foundations beneath it aren't solid enough
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby naps » Sun Nov 29, 2015 9:25 pm

I would say that intimacy involves opening yourself up to another person, and trusting them to such an extent that trust itself is not even an issue. Sharing without restraint. Laying yourself bare without anything but good expectations. I have troubles with intimacy, but that shouldn't preclude me from understanding it.

And of course there's sexual intimacy, but that should be self-explanatory. Although I believe it's possible to be sexual with another person without being intimate. I think the difference here would be adding emotional aspects into the equation.
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby Isaa_Farron » Tue Dec 01, 2015 5:05 am

You know I have this problem too, I had a friend I considered myself to be incredibly close with, yet I spoke with her this weekend and she said at our closest I was still incredibly distant. I'm not really sure what intimacy is at this point in my life. Nor what it feels like.
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby Comp_Lex » Tue Dec 01, 2015 12:24 pm

It's not fear. It's discomfort and stress.
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby wickerwoman » Tue Dec 01, 2015 6:15 pm

I think most people have a reasonably broad spectrum of relationships. There are some people where there are only a very limited number of things they would be willing to talk to them about and then there are some people they would be willing to say anything in front of and then there is a whole scale in between. Depending on your culture, somewhere on that spectrum there is a point at which your willingness to open up about certain topics means that the relationship is intimate.

I have a very tiny spectrum and it's all on the side of people with whom I have a very limited number of topics I'm willing to talk to them about.
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby madjoe » Wed Dec 02, 2015 9:47 am

it's the illusion that you are a mistery
that you can hide a pice of yourself from the rest of the world so you are unique/special
sharing that pice is called intimacy
it's an illusion
we are the all dancing all singing sh of the world
nothing more
nothing less
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby Philonoe » Wed Dec 09, 2015 4:37 pm

Your question is interesting. I've been thinking about it.

For me intimacy is first something individual. It has to do with interior/exterior, and boundaries.

Intimate is what is from myself, that i don't share. It can be physical, emotional, practical, information...

For me it's very important. Intimacy can be triggered by intrusive people (mainly family), by too much pressure, aggressions, ...

it's important to recover internal space, to protect it.

Then, possibly some space can be shared. To some extend 8) .
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby Contro » Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:35 am

Sepia wrote:What is intimacy?

Attachment.
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Re: What is intimacy?

Postby anagram » Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:38 am

Contro wrote:
Sepia wrote:What is intimacy?

Attachment.

nope
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