Our partner

What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Schizoid Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby huggles » Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:13 pm

honestly this post:
INFJmind19 wrote:I've been on and off with a female schizoid but now it looks like we might just be friends for good now. I'm trying to be less persistent and not seem needy but someone she used to like has just wormed his way back in to her life although she says they are just friends and don't want anything from him. The more I tell her not to get involved with him it seems to push them closer and us further. He is much older than both of us so I know what he is doing and is playing it very well.

almost made my gag reflex go off. whether she is schizoid or not, she sounds uninterested in you. she is likely compelled to tell you things like "they are just friends" because of your history together (even if she claims she would be honest). also, the idea that you're pushing them together is ridiculous. she is done with you, she is talking to another man and they are getting closer. YOU don't factor into that. the only thing you're effecting by making comments about him is your friendship with her. lastly, you come off as sour. specifically: " he is much older than both of us so I know what he is doing and is playing it very well"....really? grow up and move on. you won't even be talking to her much longer as a friend if you keep this up.
huggles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 755
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:48 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby INFJmind19 » Sun Feb 22, 2015 8:23 pm

As I said before I explained the situation with more detail than I wanted to in my other thread and you would understand why I'm not keen on her even chatting to him as a friend if I told you everything he did. I suppose I should delete this thread as I'm getting too many arrogant responses
INFJmind19
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2015 10:05 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby ganbaru » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:10 pm

INFJmind19 wrote:and you would understand why I'm not keen on her even chatting to him as a friend if I told you everything he did

you can't know that. you're getting "arrogant responses" because you're asking for advice, selectively ignoring what people tell you, and then asking for more advice without adding meaningful information
ganbaru
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1081
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 6:36 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby huggles » Sun Feb 22, 2015 11:30 pm

INFJmind19 wrote:As I said before I explained the situation with more detail than I wanted to in my other thread and you would understand why I'm not keen on her even chatting to him as a friend if I told you everything he did. I suppose I should delete this thread as I'm getting too many arrogant responses


okay. but let me just suggest to be careful in how you write something so you can (maybe) avoid more responses like mine. "he is much older than both of us so I know what he is doing and is playing it very well". that means that because of the person's age, you have concluded what their motives are...and for no other reason. and then you follow up with reasoning away his actions/appearance by saying "playing it very well". which means as the people reading this, we can conclude his actions and appearance contradicts your conclusions...which are based solely on one impersonal thing you know about him.

anyway, i can't disagree with you, give advice, agree, etc when you say there is enlightening information i can't have access to and that my posts are tainted by not having access to it. but from what you have shared, my opinions seem a likely possibility. i don't know if you immediately dismissed my post, but if you did, it doesn't hurt to consider if there could be any truth in it for your situation.
huggles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 755
Joined: Tue Jun 05, 2012 9:48 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby Acinorev » Mon Feb 23, 2015 2:50 am

I gather that the guy she's interested in is one of the people about whom he knows has treated her poorly in the past. He said that she hasn't been in any good, non-abusive relationships before, in another thread.


I didn't look for a partner. I stumbled into one. My schizoid self doesn't want a partner except to help me take care of myself, and be someone I can be whoever and whatever around, so that there is no stress.

What I want in a partner isn't what other people want in a partner though, and given my answer above, it's not my schizoid self that has found a partner. So I don't think your question is good. Rather, my answer is 'it's not the schizoid in her that likes you'.

What I need from my partner is honesty. Emotional honesty, intellectual honesty, belief that we are pretty much perfect for each other.

I need to love him. That's the biggest hurdle.
Acinorev
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 425
Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2014 10:05 pm
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby WichitaLineman » Mon Feb 23, 2015 3:20 am

INFJmind19 wrote:I suppose I should delete this thread as I'm getting too many arrogant responses

:shock:

Well, I must interject to say that every single one of the respondents in this thread so far is serious-minded and genuinely trying to help you in what they are saying. What you may be perceiving as 'arrogance' is perhaps just us bristling a bit over our interpretation that you are engaging in gamesmanship in this relationship rather than being completely open and genuine. Which is kind of an interesting reaction (sensitivity) from a bunch of schizoids. :wink:


The main thing I want to find out from previous experience. When do you know the person might be okay with you and did you have doubts? Was it back and forth with the person?

I think I knew right away on a visceral level that my partner was going to be "okay", and nothing that happened subsequent to that proved my initial inclination wrong. I am naturally a hyper-vigilant and non-trusting person, so there is still always "doubt", but I have enough defenses in place that I know I will always be fine.

By the way...we don't delete threads... :mrgreen:
forum rules


Safe at home.

The sidewalk lines, gadunk gadunk gadunk gdai
WichitaLineman
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2236
Joined: Thu Feb 17, 2011 4:31 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 9:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby INFJmind19 » Mon Feb 23, 2015 8:01 am

huggles wrote:
okay. but let me just suggest to be careful in how you write something so you can (maybe) avoid more responses like mine. "he is much older than both of us so I know what he is doing and is playing it very well". that means that because of the person's age, you have concluded what their motives are...and for no other reason. and then you follow up with reasoning away his actions/appearance by saying "playing it very well". which means as the people reading this, we can conclude his actions and appearance contradicts your conclusions...which are based solely on one impersonal thing you know about him.


Yep I worded that wrongly her preference are older guys but he is immature. I'm not saying a person's age determines their motives. But from what I know of him since he has already messed about in the past and I can only see him doing it again. If that makes sense. Would of been better to talk just talk about the topic in general and get everyone else's input rather than just basing it on my experience as I can't reveal all.
INFJmind19
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2015 10:05 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby madjoe » Thu Feb 26, 2015 11:04 am

smirks wrote:You can't trick someone into loving you by being someone else.

.


what do you think the chemicals we call love (/lust?) is for?
with out it no one would ever get in a relationship
it's the body's trick to get you commit
madjoe
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 9510
Joined: Wed Oct 05, 2011 6:03 am
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby smirks » Fri Feb 27, 2015 4:54 am

^ I am not sure you read my post correctly.
smirks
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1073
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2007 5:59 am
Local time: Thu Mar 28, 2024 10:29 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: What do schizoids look for in their partner?

Postby shadowrift » Sat Feb 28, 2015 9:40 am

If I refrain from doing a long list ( that would be most needed for me to actually function in a relationship) I can name one thing that makes a strong impression on me and that is a pure bluntness. Someone who says whats on their mind and don't mix in curtsy all the time.
I find it actually enjoyable to talk to these kind of people and I had my best moments when spending time with this kind of people. It is so much easier to relax and I feel I am at least less in my chameleon mode when the other person is rudely and comically blunt and open about things.
shadowrift
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 125
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:21 pm
Local time: Fri Mar 29, 2024 2:29 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

PreviousNext

Return to Schizoid Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests