Kimberly wrote:This has been the first and only defense mechanism I have known.
Wrap myself in my own head.
What do you feel? Is it your only thrill/purpose in life ?
Does it interfere with work, and if so do you care ?
Do you want to change this?
I don't know if it's defense or not for me, but it's just what I do.
It is a thrill/purpose in life, even when my head is full of what should be negative emotions and I end up crying. The only better thrill in life is being able to share that inner self with someone I love.
It absolutely interferes with work. I care because I don't want to live on the streets and I need money. I haven't even had a steady job and I'm over 30.
Do I want to change it? Yes and no. I know it's not working out for me very well. I have no always been like this, not to this degree or this perception of myself at least. I'm mildly depressed and I cannot focus on things like I used to.
this is very topical to me. I tried asking my partner the other day why he likes being alone, and he couldn't answer beyond 'not being alone I have do be doing x, y and z and when I'm alone I don't have to be doing that' and his usual 'it's how I recharge'
I don't recharge when I'm alone. I am, finally, MYSELF.
-- Sun Oct 26, 2014 8:45 am --
sry double post
When I tried to explain that I get anxiety when I have to do things to the last psychologist I saw, she kept asking me and prompting me 'it's because you feel like you're a failure to other people', and she pretty much refused to take 'no, that's not it', for an answer.
It's an automatic thing when I while get overwhelmed when I have to leave my own head. It's like having to a lost a part of myself, it's like having to set aside a large part of me. I suppose, ultimately, I MUST feel that I need to do that in order to function because if I don't, I will fail at doing whatever it is I have to do. But I'm not aware of that. And if I ever am, it's because, well, I'm not allowed to ignore people, cry, talk to myself, etc, while I'm doing other things. That's the definition of -doing other things-
I ######6 hated that idiot psychologist. Kept pushing antidepressants on me all the while saying 'you don't have to try them if you don't want to, BUT'