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Retreat into self

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Re: Retreat into self

Postby Acinorev » Sun Oct 26, 2014 1:39 pm

Kimberly wrote:This has been the first and only defense mechanism I have known.
Wrap myself in my own head.

What do you feel? Is it your only thrill/purpose in life ?
Does it interfere with work, and if so do you care ?
Do you want to change this?


I don't know if it's defense or not for me, but it's just what I do.

It is a thrill/purpose in life, even when my head is full of what should be negative emotions and I end up crying. The only better thrill in life is being able to share that inner self with someone I love.
It absolutely interferes with work. I care because I don't want to live on the streets and I need money. I haven't even had a steady job and I'm over 30.
Do I want to change it? Yes and no. I know it's not working out for me very well. I have no always been like this, not to this degree or this perception of myself at least. I'm mildly depressed and I cannot focus on things like I used to.

this is very topical to me. I tried asking my partner the other day why he likes being alone, and he couldn't answer beyond 'not being alone I have do be doing x, y and z and when I'm alone I don't have to be doing that' and his usual 'it's how I recharge'

I don't recharge when I'm alone. I am, finally, MYSELF.

-- Sun Oct 26, 2014 8:45 am --

sry double post

When I tried to explain that I get anxiety when I have to do things to the last psychologist I saw, she kept asking me and prompting me 'it's because you feel like you're a failure to other people', and she pretty much refused to take 'no, that's not it', for an answer.

It's an automatic thing when I while get overwhelmed when I have to leave my own head. It's like having to a lost a part of myself, it's like having to set aside a large part of me. I suppose, ultimately, I MUST feel that I need to do that in order to function because if I don't, I will fail at doing whatever it is I have to do. But I'm not aware of that. And if I ever am, it's because, well, I'm not allowed to ignore people, cry, talk to myself, etc, while I'm doing other things. That's the definition of -doing other things-

I ######6 hated that idiot psychologist. Kept pushing antidepressants on me all the while saying 'you don't have to try them if you don't want to, BUT'
Acinorev
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Re: Retreat into self

Postby Lucinda » Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:30 am

Lucinda wrote:
Kimberley-

Does it interfere with work, and if so do you care ?

i have given up work for 3 mths now..
I was forced to do a mock interview on tuesday and passed with flying colours. The social security is pushing me to apply for a job with a company. I shall resist with all my might. I would rather die than get involved with the ''team effort' shyte of accomplishing targets and goals..... I told them I can fake the interviews as they have conditioned us to lie anyway; given us hints on how to get thru an interview...etc... i reminded them of this and that it does not mean I want that kind of work, or indeed any kind of work..
I have a degree and they want me to work in a supermarket type setting...F'ck that!
It is ridiculous. i am more qualified than those training me how to re-skill :shock:
They are out of their depth with me.


hah..Today my Doctor referred to the people in social security who are on my back to work as
' trained monkeys'
I was surprised and pleased. :)

-- Mon Oct 27, 2014 10:37 pm --

Polis wrote:
Lucinda wrote:i try not to think much theses days, which in turn reduces feeling....


How do you make yourself think less?


I guess I mean worrying... rather than thinking. Sometimes the two can by synonymous. When i dont want to think of something that causes angst, or when I am fed up fruitless analysis of myself, others and life, i start to day dream instead or sometimes imagine the end result of creative assignments which I never actually do :oops:
''Life is not a task. There is absolutely nothing to attain except the realisation that there is absolutely nothing to attain.''
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Re: Retreat into self

Postby Kimberly » Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:46 pm

smirks wrote:I am in my head so much, it's not so much a matter of retreating into myself as it is a matter of coming out to play. Inside of my head isn't really "thrilling" so to speak.

I kind of spend a lot of time evaluating my own thought processes and developing better ones (gosh, that makes it sound boring).

I know that it does make me seem rather inaccessible in terms of relationships.

Sometimes, if you are too much in your head, your head can take you to weird places that don't quite fit in casual conversation, and it's hard to bring people to the point you are in your headspace, because it took you so long to get there and there may not be any common ground.


That was beautifully put, smirks.

And no, that doesn't sound boring at all, that is how I spend my time too, trying to get a better understanding of myself, focus and analyze my thoughts. My job is "brain-intensive" and so I'm always tweaking my thought process to make it more productive, more efficient.

I'm not sure whether to look at these ruminations as healthy. If it hinders healthy relationships, how can it contribute to self improvement? Does it affect your close relationships also? Over-analysis can be associated with Avoidant PD and OCD too.
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