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Do you feel dead inside?

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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby SchizyOfAstora » Fri Sep 05, 2014 9:15 pm

Most of the time there's nothing going on inside me. Like some void or something (not easy to describe since it's nothing). The only thing that i can feel is the organs inside (like the heart beating). But when i'm not ok (when apathy hits) it's almost like there's something inside my chest. Something heavy, that burns a little. I guess is that what someone would call dead on the inside.
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby muaddib » Sat Sep 06, 2014 3:45 am

roscid wrote:
Solitary Recluse wrote:Feeling dead inside may be more to do with depression.

When I was depressed I felt this way, although like Feleanoctis I'm not fond of the wording.

Ya, this can definitely come up with depression. With me, it's almost like my insides have been worn out, especially since I've noticed it seems to come after a lot of sustained frustration and repressed anger. They say depression is often just anger turned inwards.

RedSoviet wrote:But when i'm not ok (when apathy hits) it's almost like there's something inside my chest. Something heavy, that burns a little. I guess is that what someone would call dead on the inside.

The heaviness is like what I get; maybe I'm too symbolic, but I think of it as the leftover charcoal after years of repressed and powerless anger burned out. What's interesting is that this isn't just a schizoid thing. The reasons and reactions are very different, but it sounds like the same thing:
borderline-personality/topic147695.html
borderline-personality/topic74643.html

I've never found anything that fixed it except feeling like my life was headed where I wanted it to go, but something always comes along to mess that up.
“Oh Freedom! You are a bad dream!” - Heinrich Heine
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby wickerwoman » Sat Sep 06, 2014 5:00 am

Not all the time, but I can go for weeks feeling completely blank and it's often very difficult for me to remember anything I've done in the past week or so. Even right now I'd have to really, really concentrate to say what I did yesterday.

It's not so much dead as being on auto-pilot or like a surveillance camera in a convenience store without any tape in it. Things vaguely register but nothing makes a real impression.
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby Alligator9 » Mon Sep 08, 2014 8:43 pm

Sometimes I feel empty inside, or idk, it's a bad feeling that maybe could be desesperation, frustation, but I think it's emptiness
When I soend time alone and play games that feeling goes away 8)
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby smirks » Mon Sep 08, 2014 11:36 pm

Recently? Yeah.

Not always. But I've been a bit depressed lately, and I've been having a hard time with it. Usually I pride myself on needing next to no nuturing, but I could probably use some right now. I just don't really have a source, and I haven't had one for a long time. I feel like I'm incapable of being emotionally nurtured, but I would like someone to at least fuel the creative spark I have that makes me feel alive.
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby EvaV33 » Thu Sep 11, 2014 6:43 am

wickerwoman wrote:Not all the time, but I can go for weeks feeling completely blank and it's often very difficult for me to remember anything I've done in the past week or so. Even right now I'd have to really, really concentrate to say what I did yesterday.

It's not so much dead as being on auto-pilot or like a surveillance camera in a convenience store without any tape in it. Things vaguely register but nothing makes a real impression.


I can relate to that last, though it doesn't happen often. I'm still in the the process of understanding how my brain works, because I feel it's like a shredding machine ever so often. The moment I come close to to feeling anything exciting it shreds it to pieces and wipes my mind clean. Buying expensive things doesn't work either, the genuine excitement and feeling of accomplishment lasts for about an hour.
For a while I thought adrenalin would work. Ventured for a bit in the extreme activities area. It's not the ideal solution ...it's such a fleeting sensation. Maybe it would have worked better if I was actually scared of heights or anything for that matter.
Right now, I'm trying to focus on the smaller, simple things. Like good coffee, a nice book or a good cheese cake (my true weakness).
Anyways, my experience with feeling empty are far more limited, mostly because I'm constantly fighting extremely low serotonin levels. It comes with it's own set of problems.
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby Cherry Blossom » Thu Sep 11, 2014 10:39 pm

No, I don't feel dead inside. I think feeling dead inside is too dramatic of a phrase for me and I think it's something negative. From what I understand I pretty much have the same internal feeling all the time except for when I don't.

I like me the way I am right now
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby Comp_Lex » Sun Sep 14, 2014 9:43 pm

Solitary Recluse wrote:Feeling dead inside may be more to do with depression.

I don't feel dead inside or anything either.

No, depression is actually something that you feel inside yourself, even when you don't immediately recognize it. It is the downward pull that you feel. SPD is neither depression nor happiness. That's the void, the emptiness, the black hole in which everything disappears.

Depression = "I actively hate everything and I am not going to do a single f*ck!"

Schizoid = "I don't care about anything around me. F*ck it all. I am just going to do what I want to do!"
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby ganbaru » Mon Sep 15, 2014 6:52 am

Comp_Lex wrote:Depression = "I actively hate everything and I am not going to do a single f*ck!"

maybe that's not your intention, but you make it sound like it's a psychological thing. that's far from the reality. the psychology of depression is only a secondary aspect of it, and for that reason it can assume very different forms depending on a number of variables. and that description that you give, though not impossible, is actually an odd one and not at all descriptive of anything "typical", since depression tends to make you pathologically passive. sometimes it even seems to rob you of the sense of having any deliberate thoughts (let alone deliberate action/inaction)
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Re: Do you feel dead inside?

Postby Comp_Lex » Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:59 am

anachronic wrote:
Comp_Lex wrote:Depression = "I actively hate everything and I am not going to do a single f*ck!"

maybe that's not your intention, but you make it sound like it's a psychological thing. that's far from the reality. the psychology of depression is only a secondary aspect of it, and for that reason it can assume very different forms depending on a number of variables. and that description that you give, though not impossible, is actually an odd one and not at all descriptive of anything "typical", since depression tends to make you pathologically passive. sometimes it even seems to rob you of the sense of having any deliberate thoughts (let alone deliberate action/inaction)

That's definitely not my intention. I am just trying to transform the disorder into easy to understand sentences. When I was depressed, I didn't do anything. I didn't even feel like doing anything. The depression is gone, but, as before the depression, the SPD is still there and I am actually doing some stuff. Or at least I am trying to do stuff.
For me it was like: 12-18 years => SPD development, 18-25 => depression, >25 => back to SPD. I only recognized the depression after it lifted. I thought it was part of what I always felt, but that wasn't true. Of course, there is some overlap between SPD and depression, especially when anhedonia is involved, which I also have.
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