what's on your mind? (off-topic thread)

Courtier wrote:I was actually talking to the borderlines today about the futility of trying to hide or fix a neurosis through neurosis. Fun topic. Of course, the borderline response is "you just don't understand my logic." [pronoun] logic being the best kind

Hah yes my ex-husband was a borderline, and a narcissist to boot (mind you this is my own biased diagnosis.) Not saying it's impossible, but can't imagine it being easy to fix that sadly. Thankfully I know and admit when confronted that what I'm doing is illogical, and I've gotten rid of most of my physical compulsions. ^_^

I woke up after a ridiculously long sleep (for me), and feeling much less hypo-manic (otherwise known as the main reason I'm considered a secret schizoid). My OCD/anxiety is way calmer too.

Had a guy give me a long timeshare spiel attempt at bribery to do his work for him. I pretended to half-pay attention, occasionally asked questions to make him think I might take him up on it while doing my own work. He got real excited and said he assumed I wanted to do it. I said no. His reaction was basically this.



Needless to say we've never gotten along, and I figure I must've been the last person if he was asking me.

I'll probably feel some form of pride over that later, but seems like I'm gonna be more or less a robot today. That's more than ok by me as I can definitely use a break from the mood swings (granted not as bad as normal bipolar mood swings I had before I went schizoid, but still annoying.)

Have to get at my taxes and do a bunch of work I don't want to deal with, but after I should finally get some peace.

Edit: Also long story short wondering if I may have been misdiagnosed and if I may be considered schizoaffective. My version of OCD, plus bipolar and schizoid kinda matches the symptoms a lil too well. Supposedly bipolar is genetic and my dad is bipolar as well, but I'm wondering is my therapist (who's also bipolar) may have heard that and jumped the gun.

Oh look my OCD paranoia woke up. Well at least it's something that isn't illogical sounding.

Holodeck wrote:I woke up after a ridiculously long sleep (for me), and feeling much less hypo-manic (otherwise known as the main reason I'm considered a secret schizoid). My OCD/anxiety is way calmer too.

Had a guy give me a long timeshare spiel attempt at bribery to do his work for him. I pretended to half-pay attention, occasionally asked questions to make him think I might take him up on it while doing my own work. He got real excited and said he assumed I wanted to do it. I said no. His reaction was basically this.



Needless to say we've never gotten along, and I figure I must've been the last person if he was asking me.

I'll probably feel some form of pride over that later, but seems like I'm gonna be more or less a robot today. That's more than ok by me as I can definitely use a break from the mood swings (granted not as bad as normal bipolar mood swings I had before I went schizoid, but still annoying.)

Have to get at my taxes and do a bunch of work I don't want to deal with, but after I should finally get some peace.

Edit: Also long story short wondering if I may have been misdiagnosed and if I may be considered schizoaffective. My version of OCD, plus bipolar and schizoid kinda matches the symptoms a lil too well. Supposedly bipolar is genetic and my dad is bipolar as well, but I'm wondering is my therapist (who's also bipolar) may have heard that and jumped the gun.

Oh look my OCD paranoia woke up. Well at least it's something that isn't illogical sounding.

That was a funny meme. One thing i want to say is, dont concern yourself with diagnosis and stuff. Its like walking in an endless maze but instead you keep narrowing things on yourself. Whenever you specify yourself as something, you sub-concious obligate you to be that. Like, when i used to be a small robot (SPD joke, i mean a kid) my family used to praise how generous i was. So what i did i became religiously selfless because i (myself) labled myself as generous.
Recgonize you have a problem, deal with it and move on. Dont tag yourself with (i have OCD).. believe me everyone to some extent does have OCD. Its just you have it a pinch higher. See what i did? generalize and move on.

I am really.. hungry right now. I am craving chokholate (gulp). Too much saliva.

Bluestar wrote:One thing i want to say is, dont concern yourself with diagnosis and stuff. Its like walking in an endless maze but instead you keep narrowing things on yourself. Whenever you specify yourself as something, you sub-concious obligate you to be that. Like, when i used to be a small robot (SPD joke, i mean a kid) my family used to praise how generous i was. So what i did i became religiously selfless because i (myself) labled myself as generous.
Recgonize you have a problem, deal with it and move on. Dont tag yourself with (i have OCD).. believe me everyone to some extent does have OCD. Its just you have it a pinch higher. See what i did? generalize and move on.

I am really.. hungry right now. I am craving chokholate (gulp). Too much saliva.

Yup and thanks I try not to. I definitely agree about the endless maze. One thing bleeds into another and they all are often interconnected. Definitely feeling a lot better today (first day off, so I slept in a ton). I think being guilted by my abusive mom for not visiting in years coupled with that knife of Damocles diagnosis basically overloaded me and shut me down. I have had a fear of losing myself to schizophrenia since I was a child due to paranoid delusions that often I hate to say still only claim don't make sense because others tell me they don't. I tend to be a fairly logical person, but my normal state is that of a person who's finished a terrifying horror movie at 1 AM with the lights off. I'd like to give my brain props for creativity, but thinking things when I've had enough rest in the middle of the day like how at any moment a knife could come alive and fly through the air and attack me...I wish I could let it go but, well I'll see what my therapist says on Wednesday. Honestly, I actually feel a bit better with if it is this in the sense that I feel less odd about believing certain bits of what I considered OCD. I don't like trying to purify labels. Like I said it's all a often bled together anyway, but I do like knowing what's going on and applying logic and possibly helping/solving the issue.

My professor finally sent notes back regarding my first draft. But now I'm afraid to open it because I don't want to take the notes and actually have to do any work. Procrastination gets me every time.

I used to see a psychiatrist who had me bring in my mail and open it there. Otherwise it wouldn't get opened.

I was frequently tempted to ask him to listen to my phone messages. You know, edit out the #######4 and just give me the gist of it.

naps, was it related to anxiety? Like, "if I don't open my mail, I won't have to deal with things that may be unpleasant"? I think me dodging the draft (haha) is related to my anxiety. Maybe a fear of failure. I tend to write all my papers in the last week and half of the semester.

Hey sailor!

slimsally wrote:naps, was it related to anxiety? Like, "if I don't open my mail, I won't have to deal with things that may be unpleasant"? I think me dodging the draft (haha) is related to my anxiety. Maybe a fear of failure. I tend to write all my papers in the last week and half of the semester.

I suppose it's anxiety, deep down. With me, everything comes back to anxiety. I procrastinate, too. But it's more of a matter of feeling like I'd rather be doing something else. Is procrastination rooted in anxiety?

"if I don't open my mail, I won't have to deal with things that may be unpleasant"?

Not with mail. The only time I hesitate to open my mail for fear of unpleasantness is when I get correspondence from welfare or SSI. It's the phone messages that are unpleasant, because in most cases it involves having to call someone back, which I hate to do.

You should hear some of the unspeakable things I say to my answering machine when I come home and see it blinking. That's why I don't have a cell phone. If I got a voicemail, I'd probably just toss it out the window.

naps wrote:Hey sailor!

naps wrote:I suppose it's anxiety, deep down. With me, everything comes back to anxiety. I procrastinate, too. But it's more of a matter of feeling like I'd rather be doing something else. Is procrastination rooted in anxiety?

Me too. It's annoying. There are probably different reasons for procrastination. Yours sounds a lot like my father's. He would just rather be doing something else. I feel mine has to do with a fear of messing up. At least when it comes to writing papers. When it comes to cleaning the bathroom, yeah, I'd rather just be doing something else.

naps wrote:You should hear some of the unspeakable things I say to my answering machine when I come home and see it blinking. That's why I don't have a cell phone. If I got a voicemail, I'd probably just toss it out the window.

Still rocking the landline, huh? I have two vms saved on my cell from a year ago. I never listened to them, but I don't want to delete them, either. I think to myself, "I'm going to listen to them someday. I will. Just need to find the right time."

^ Oh muh nigz. Procrastination. Is it an apathy thing? I've read a couple people on the AsPD forum say they pay their bills right away. What?? I wait until that shii is turned off, then I pay. I need drastic sanctions stat before I take action. Whats up with that?