Introductions

I'm a 37 year old guy, who's had severe difficulties getting along with people for most of my life. I'm told that I was very sociable when I started going to preschool at age 3 and gradually, over several years became a quite shy and asocial kid. Right now I wouldn't describe myself as shy. It's not that I'm specially anxious about meeting people, it's more that I have no desire at all and if I have to do it it's a great effort, very mentally draining, a real pain in the ass. At some point I realized that this was a step further from what's called "introversion", so I did some "research" on the internet and found the entry for Schizoid Personality Disorder on Wikipedia. To my dismay I found that I have 80% of the symptoms of it. To top it off, one of the few I don't have is the indifference towards other's praise or criticism. I do my best to hide it, but I have an extreme need of approval from others.

I'm still not sure if my problem is SPD or Avoidant Personality Disorder. Either way I'm quite ###$ up. Never had a girlfriend, I have no friends, I struggle to get along somewhat with my co-workers besides doing my job that entails a lot of personal interaction (rent-a-cop in a department store). I live with my parents who are both in psych treatment for severe depression. I just ordered some Modafinil but I'll have to wait at least 3 weeks to receive it. At least I found this forum, looks like a place where I'ill fit in.

Nice to meet you all.

Hello. I don't really even know where to begin here. A while ago, I looked into things which ... surprisingly, strongly pointed to out that I am, in fact, Schizoid. I've had the symptoms in varying forms for several years, long before I ever really even knew what "Schizoid Personality Disorder" even was.

--I have some form of schizophrenia -- likely a mild form, but it's impossible to say for sure... (I don't feel the need to elaborate on this, but I can.)
--I dislike close relationships and find them tedious; I've let most of my friends go over time and I can't help but wonder if this is related. I don't even like living with my mother, but I tolerate it as she usually leaves me alone. (I'd much rather be entirely alone.)
--I have virtually no interest in, well.. sexual experience with another person. I've always been proud of the fact I've been resistant to that urge, ironically.
--Most activities I enjoy are solitary, at least in terms of being around other people physically (I am posting here, after all).
--I have only one close friend, the only person who stayed true to me over the years. Though I feel more and more distant to him, he is closer than a brother to me, and I am loyal to him by sheer will, if that makes sense. (It's too complicated to explain here.)
--I've had an 'unusual' lack of emotion for quite a while now. For instance, when my grandmother died I literally felt nothing. I didn't understand it... though I am starting to.
--Another quirk I've found is that I share an overly elaborate way of speaking that (to my limited, naive knowledge) some other schizoids do seem to share.

I know that me listing symptoms is boring and I'm hardly looking for a diagnosis... but the reason I've listed them is because one doesn't stand out. I am not, for all intents and purposes, indifferent to praise and criticism. At least not entirely... online, it's easy. In person, it's much harder. It doesn't make me depressed and feel inferior usually, rather it frustrates and annoys me. I wish I was completely resistant to it. And, sometimes I do seem to be.

Up until recently I simply assumed I had AvPD (and I likely have it in some form). I won't lie; for a long time I direly wanted friends who cared about me. At some point, I simply reached the point where I realized it was a burden, and instead desired to be self-sufficient.

If I am in fact a schizoid, I am probably at least slightly unusual for one. I have no interest in passion, but I can understand the concept of love (real, enduring love not the heat of the moment), and of caring about someone else. I lack the warmth, but I don't feel that's a requirement. In fact, I'd argue it detracts from it. I guess what I understand, is the concept of loyalty. I would not dare presume that the average schizoid is not loyal though, so maybe this, too, is an ignorant thought.

I've been hoping for a long time (literally 2-3 years) to properly diagnose what I am. I've started trying to seek out a new psychologist so that I can finally confirm what I am or am not. I have to say, though, if I am a schizoid after all, I am okay with that. I don't really feel it's something I would need to 'cure'.

In short, hello. I am Koopa. It's a pleasure to meet you, and I hope that this long post wasn't too abrasive. I may post more in the future, now that I've gotten over this initial gap I feel a bit more comfortable. Regardless of who or what I am, I would be pleased to make your acquaintance, if you'll allow it.

Welcome Tiberius,

Well Welcome Koopa, but you are already more than welcome here.

I never thought about looking for a forum to talk about this before for whatever reason, and now that I have hopefully I can actually find others to talk to, now or my introduction.

Hi I'm zamat, 26 years old, just moved to Houston and started a new job. Just started living on my own, finally moved out of my parents house after saving up from my last job, which was my first job out of college. That's where I'm currently at in my life, by the way I have a great career ahead of me as long as I stick with this company I'm at now, so financially I shouldn't have any troubles, but now to the real business.

I have one friend, literally one, we've known each other for 22 years and he's of to med school currently so I'm, for lack of a better term, all on my own. From pre-school through my first day of college, I was bullied in some form or another, I remember the first time I was bullied and the last, needless to say this has complete destroyed my social skills and self-confidence. Since I was bullied at school so much, I associated school with a "not fun" place and would immediately go home once school let out, was super quiet in class as to not draw attention to myself, because bullies love to pick the odd one out, so I never established any connection with anyone. My entire sophomore year in high school I spent every lunch period in the bathroom stall just so I wouldn't have to be around people. So when everyone started getting to that age where they start to date, party, or whatever else, I completely missed all of that. I've never had a girlfriend let alone been on a date, so apart from not being able to interact with people in a "normal" fashion, I have no clue how to even go about a relationship.

From about 2010-2012 I developed severe social anxiety, I've had social anxiety for many years but this was really rough. I couldn't even go to the corner gas station to get gasoline to mow the lawn, I had no explanation as to why I couldn't, I just couldn't. It's a lot better now though, I can go about my daily business but it feels like I'm having a panic attack all day.

I get up at 7am, be at work by 8am, leave around 4pm, come home, workout, and do nothing. On the weekends I never leave my apartment, I want to so badly, to just go somewhere where people or having fun, or say "hey that's a cute girl over there I'm gonna go talk to her" but I just can't. I've tried so many times to try and pinpoint the cause of why I'm like this thinking it would make the lightbulb come on and I could fix it myself, but at the rate I'm going now, that's not going to happen.

I would love love looooove, to hang out with friends, actually have plans on the weekend, get a freakin girlfriend finally, I just don't know how. I just started my job a month ago, and my coworkers having already said they don't know if they should invite the new guy (me) cause he's so quiet, and it's completely not on purpose.

I want to be social, but when I'm social I want to be alone, and when I'm alone I want to be social. It's a vicious cycle and I don't know how to break it.

So with that said, glad to have finally found a place to talk about this, and I posted this here because every single schizoid symptom seems to be deadon with me

Welcome Zamat

So with that said, glad to have finally found a place to talk about this, and I posted this here because every single schizoid symptom seems to be deadon with me

Dont judge yourself based on DSM SPD.

creative_nothing wrote:Welcome Zamat

So with that said, glad to have finally found a place to talk about this, and I posted this here because every single schizoid symptom seems to be deadon with me

Dont judge yourself based on DSM SPD.

I'm with creative nothing on this one...I have thought for a long time I've had something and kept trying to find something that 'fit' and to be honest, you just start making it fit ..Truthfully though there are so many different things that can mimic each other, it can be hard even for a professional to tell the difference.

I'm mainly saying this because i identify a lot of schizoid traits in myself,but I can tell it's just not very accurate. I am trying to keep an open mind and try to look at the very root core of my issues and just blank face state what they are , instead of looking at a list and saying yeah i fit this and that and this and that.

It's much easier if you let you define your major dysfunctions and not a list of criteria.

Basically I've been going the rounds thinking this and that since I was 16 (I'm 23 now) ...I've finally got to the point that all I can really acknowledge is that my inattention is at a very high level and that I also have problems socially. These two issues alone can mimic a lot of things and fit into a lot of categories or even be attributed to more than one thing.

This is why it's important to keep an open mind - lol I am just posting this for the other people who may be in the 'not sure' or 'some of these sort of fit me' category. Not necessarily for you Zamat.

Also welcome everyone! lol I'm off my soapbox now. lol.

JPKAS wrote:

creative_nothing wrote:Welcome Zamat

So with that said, glad to have finally found a place to talk about this, and I posted this here because every single schizoid symptom seems to be deadon with me

Dont judge yourself based on DSM SPD.

I'm with creative nothing on this one...I have thought for a long time I've had something and kept trying to find something that 'fit' and to be honest, you just start making it fit ..Truthfully though there are so many different things that can mimic each other, it can be hard even for a professional to tell the difference.

I'm mainly saying this because i identify a lot of schizoid traits in myself,but I can tell it's just not very accurate. I am trying to keep an open mind and try to look at the very root core of my issues and just blank face state what they are , instead of looking at a list and saying yeah i fit this and that and this and that.

It's much easier if you let you define your major dysfunctions and not a list of criteria.

Basically I've been going the rounds thinking this and that since I was 16 (I'm 23 now) ...I've finally got to the point that all I can really acknowledge is that my inattention is at a very high level and that I also have problems socially. These two issues alone can mimic a lot of things and fit into a lot of categories or even be attributed to more than one thing.

This is why it's important to keep an open mind - lol I am just posting this for the other people who may be in the 'not sure' or 'some of these sort of fit me' category. Not necessarily for you Zamat.

Also welcome everyone! lol I'm off my soapbox now. lol.

Yeah... I hate it when personality disorders mimic each other. I'm mainly schizotypal but schizoid and paranoid also fits me pretty damn well. I can very humorless at times, I'm very secretive, I'm very asocial, I'm engrossed in my fantasy world and I have somewhat weak emotional reactions compared to most people which makes me seem schizoid. And this one time, I was so scared about thinking father trying to attack me that I wacked him on the head with the electric razor, which is definitely something someone with PPD would do.

-- Fri Jun 26, 2015 10:49 pm --

But you don't seem schizoid to me. You seem more like a combo of narcissistic and avoidant from what you described to me.

Greetings all,
I am a 36 year old male who was professionally diagnosed as schizoid at 14 after four years of being sent to a number of psychologists.
Currently I'm employed as a social worker with Catholic Community Services and have been so for the past ten years.
As for my interests they include such things as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, video games, social theory, transhumanism, biology, evolutionary theory, conspiracy theories, occultism, psychology, neurochemistry, scifi/ fantasy/ and horror stories among anything else that may catch my passing interest.
Since I'm going through a period of mental conflict at this time and the few friends I have can't seem to understand the ways in which I'm trying to cope, I thought I would seek others whose thought processes were closer to mine in hope of both better understanding myself and maybe find support from those who may understand me better than my current friends do.
I hope my contributions here will be of some small use to others.

Welcome shinlogos.

shinlogos wrote:Greetings all,
I am a 36 year old male who was professionally diagnosed as schizoid at 14 after four years of being sent to a number of psychologists.
Currently I'm employed as a social worker with Catholic Community Services and have been so for the past ten years.
As for my interests they include such things as astrophysics, quantum mechanics, video games, social theory, transhumanism, biology, evolutionary theory, conspiracy theories, occultism, psychology, neurochemistry, scifi/ fantasy/ and horror stories among anything else that may catch my passing interest.
Since I'm going through a period of mental conflict at this time and the few friends I have can't seem to understand the ways in which I'm trying to cope, I thought I would seek others whose thought processes were closer to mine in hope of both better understanding myself and maybe find support from those who may understand me better than my current friends do.
I hope my contributions here will be of some small use to others.

Man you have more interests than I do. I've really got to expand. Mine are currently playstation 1 rpgs only and shows about hoarding/ ocd/ obesity etc and my own art and very early 20th century painters, though I've started to expand into Abstract Expressionists and some Neo expressionists,but it's still very limited. Oh yeah and this one anime show- I like the anime style but can seem to only attach to one show.....I tend to pick one thing and stick with it to the end- one category for music, art, games, shows, etc and it's hard for me to move on once I've developed an interest ...I do this with people too . I think my attention span is just horrible.

Anyways welcome welcome DD