Hello everyone. I'm seeing a new doctor soon, but in the meantime, I want your opinion on something.
I have previously been diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2. I get very depressed at times, and I get very irritated at times, and I go on spending sprees, etc. I have no doubt that some kind of bipolar affects my mind. However...
A few weeks ago, I started having what I can only call intrusive (violent, homicidal) thoughts.
(Trigger warning maybe)
These thoughts just popped in my head with no provocation or cause.
--I should break my cat's neck.
--I should drive across the country with no notice, go to my brother's house, and kill him.
--I should go to my parents' house five hours away--with no notice--and kill them.
--I should surprise my girlfriend, show up at her door, and kill her.
(End of trigger)
I love all of these things more than anything on the planet. They did not provoke me in any way. It was like there were two parts of my brain--one that was horrified and knew these thoughts were pathological. Then there was another part of my brain that was almost amused by these thoughts, by the thought of surprising these people with death.
These thoughts are over, but I want them addressed as you can understand. They made me feel so evil, though I know they are somehow connected to whatever's going on in my brain.
Usually when I feel homicidal thoughts, they are the result of irritation just snowballing and snowballing into murderous rage. These new thoughts came out of *nowhere*.
What do you think? Does this sound like a schizo thing or could bipolar explain this too?
Again, I am seeing a doctor next week, but I just want to hear some different opinions/experiences.