Thread for those in disordered/abusive relationships

I'm 25
My boyfriend who's 31 won't help me with my disability payment like providing his income details so I can't live with him and have to live with my parents because he doesn't support Me

ameliaem wrote:I'm 25
My boyfriend who's 31 won't help me with my disability payment like providing his income details so I can't live with him and have to live with my parents because he doesn't support Me

ameliaem, without trying to upset you, this man doesn't sound like the kind of guy you want to be with. Relationships are meant to be unions of joy and love. Two people helping each other out and making a better life together. If your boyfriend refuses to help you with such a simple thing then perhaps you should re-evaluate whether or not you should really be with him. You deserve better in my humble opinion.

ameliaem wrote:I'm 25
My boyfriend who's 31 won't help me with my disability payment like providing his income details so I can't live with him and have to live with my parents because he doesn't support Me

I'm playing the devil's advocate here.... this sounds like an awfully big step in the relationship he's not interested in taking on right now. Do you believe you are entitled to his support?

Regardless, if this disagreement is a deal-breaker for you, then break the deal. If it's not, then you must accept the fact that moving in together isn't something he wants right now. Maybe later?

If you truly love him, my recommendation is that you take care not to push him away further on this issue. He may have been burned in the past and just needs more time to heal.

hrsecrazzy wrote:I just want to vent.

be in but I'm trapped. I have to do this just long enough to get my head on straight and my life in order. .

Leave him your head will be on straight and life will go on without him , these are just excuses I know I've been there , STOP!! stop stop stop making excuses for someone who treats you with such disrespect.

billywood423 wrote:hi.. every one.. Most men want to meet a Escort or a model and don\'t really care about the disorders when it comes to feelings.

-- Sat Feb 02, 2013 6:11 am --

hi.. every one.. Most men want to meet a Escort or a model and don\'t really care about the disorders when it comes to feelings.

I'm pretty sure you meant to say most men who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder want escorts and models, and find women with conditions such as Borderline or Histrionic Personality Disorders ego boosting narcissistic supply.

To make such a statement about all men is absurd and false.

Some help or advice would be great.

I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 41. We have been together 7 years and we have one child together and 3 older children from a previous relationship. We met online and I began travelling long distance to meet up. It then started emerging that her online personality etc had been a big part of her life since her and her kids dad broke up. She seemed to spend her entire life on MySpace and dating forums etc, meeting up with blokes and talking online etc. she seemed to relish this "milf" tag and made it a big deal. Then when we met all this seemed to blow over for a while. Since then it's just been downhill ever since.

We have fallen out and argued over absolutely everything but she insists on being right about everything. The double standards are just unbelievable. She cheated on me one night but insisted it was just a kiss. Then I went out one night shortly after and ended up doing the same and she found out. This was the spark that lit the touch paper and since then it's been a nightmare, despite me trying to change and having many personal issues to overcome. She is aggressive and bullying and feels that it's ok to scream and shout and threaten me when she is angry and she will use that if she cannot put a valid point across or knows I'm in the right.

She is always on Facebook etc etc and has constant people talking to her and inboxing her. Friend requests she just leaves rather than deleted or ignores. Like she is waiting for me to be out of sight before she then talks to them. She seems obsessed by male attention and is always posting pictures with cleavage showing and what not. Then when I try and say my piece on it being too "full on" and disrespectful to me she flies off the handle saying "why be like that instead of being happy for me getting compliments and people liking them?" "Why can't you be proud of me" she had blokes on Instagram and one in particular likes every single picture she puts up and it was "he's happily engaged it's nothing like that". Now all of a sudden him and his girlfriend have broken up yet she maintains she has never spoken to him?? So I sit there wondering how she's knows all this if its just a random guy who likes her photos?

Everything just seems to turned towards me and she almost wants to rub my nose in it. I have suffered with a gambling addiction and short while after, she admitted she met a guy in town and went back to his house on two seperate occasions. She maintains they never had sex and it was just drunk kissing but she blamed it on me having a gambling problem and she done it because she was so mad at me for gambling my money away. Everything gets turned on me like I'm making her do all this. I'm so low at the moment because I tried to break though the bad stuff and turn it into a new chapter yet she point blank refuses to acknowledge anything she has done wrong and refuses to make any effort and make changes herself. She still has loads of people messaging her and all that and I'm convinced she is talking to them too. We live in a small town where everybody knows everyone's business after 24 hours but I was completely unaware (even though I was still living in my home town a while away) that she was going to somebody's house and doing stuff with him. It seems she has everything worked out to a tee so she doesn't get caught.

I'm convinced she is still doing everything and more behind my back and she convinces herself that she is not doing wrong. She never appreciated anything I do (Egypt last year for her birthday, Florida this year, birthdays and Christmas and doing everything for her and the kids, including hers) but I get nothing in return unless she wants to start up a fight or accuse me of some completely random crap (if I get in 5 mins later than normal she's adamant I've sneaked off for an affair of some sort).

I just cannot understand how someone could be like this and get away with everything like she's untouchable. I have done wrong but I've tried to learn from my mistakes and do my best but she just takes advantage of my good nature and does the complete opposite??

What can I do?

joeblink182 wrote:Some help or advice would be great.

I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 41. We have been together 7 years and we have one child together and 3 older children from a previous relationship. We met online and I began travelling long distance to meet up. It then started emerging that her online personality etc had been a big part of her life since her and her kids dad broke up. She seemed to spend her entire life on MySpace and dating forums etc, meeting up with blokes and talking online etc. she seemed to relish this "milf" tag and made it a big deal. Then when we met all this seemed to blow over for a while. Since then it's just been downhill ever since.

We have fallen out and argued over absolutely everything but she insists on being right about everything. The double standards are just unbelievable. She cheated on me one night but insisted it was just a kiss. Then I went out one night shortly after and ended up doing the same and she found out. This was the spark that lit the touch paper and since then it's been a nightmare, despite me trying to change and having many personal issues to overcome. She is aggressive and bullying and feels that it's ok to scream and shout and threaten me when she is angry and she will use that if she cannot put a valid point across or knows I'm in the right.

She is always on Facebook etc etc and has constant people talking to her and inboxing her. Friend requests she just leaves rather than deleted or ignores. Like she is waiting for me to be out of sight before she then talks to them. She seems obsessed by male attention and is always posting pictures with cleavage showing and what not. Then when I try and say my piece on it being too "full on" and disrespectful to me she flies off the handle saying "why be like that instead of being happy for me getting compliments and people liking them?" "Why can't you be proud of me" she had blokes on Instagram and one in particular likes every single picture she puts up and it was "he's happily engaged it's nothing like that". Now all of a sudden him and his girlfriend have broken up yet she maintains she has never spoken to him?? So I sit there wondering how she's knows all this if its just a random guy who likes her photos?

Everything just seems to turned towards me and she almost wants to rub my nose in it. I have suffered with a gambling addiction and short while after, she admitted she met a guy in town and went back to his house on two seperate occasions. She maintains they never had sex and it was just drunk kissing but she blamed it on me having a gambling problem and she done it because she was so mad at me for gambling my money away. Everything gets turned on me like I'm making her do all this. I'm so low at the moment because I tried to break though the bad stuff and turn it into a new chapter yet she point blank refuses to acknowledge anything she has done wrong and refuses to make any effort and make changes herself. She still has loads of people messaging her and all that and I'm convinced she is talking to them too. We live in a small town where everybody knows everyone's business after 24 hours but I was completely unaware (even though I was still living in my home town a while away) that she was going to somebody's house and doing stuff with him. It seems she has everything worked out to a tee so she doesn't get caught.

I'm convinced she is still doing everything and more behind my back and she convinces herself that she is not doing wrong. She never appreciated anything I do (Egypt last year for her birthday, Florida this year, birthdays and Christmas and doing everything for her and the kids, including hers) but I get nothing in return unless she wants to start up a fight or accuse me of some completely random crap (if I get in 5 mins later than normal she's adamant I've sneaked off for an affair of some sort).

I just cannot understand how someone could be like this and get away with everything like she's untouchable. I have done wrong but I've tried to learn from my mistakes and do my best but she just takes advantage of my good nature and does the complete opposite??

What can I do?

joeblink182,

It sounds to me like this relationship is pretty toxic - mostly for you. Although it wasn't right for you to kiss someone else after she did the same previously, although I do understand the mentality of perhaps wanting to get 'even, it is kind of understandable. Most importantly you have a child together and there are other children from a previous relationship which all live with you, is that correct? They certainly don't need to be listening to their parent/step-parent arguing with one another. Yet, as you pointed out and from my outsider's point of view I agree, she seems to be rubbing your nose in the fact she speaks with other guys online. Sure there's no problem in males and females speaking with each other when they've got partners at home but flirting and secrecy are of course going to raise suspicions and if your girlfriend flies off the handle when you confront her about how you feel then it sounds to me like she knows she's in the wrong but will use anything, including your past gambling addiction, to turn things back round on you so as to avoid her being under the spotlight. Now you say she's 41 and you're 27, not that's any problem in the age gap whatsoever, but do you think that her being 14 years older than you perhaps in her mind gives her the mentality that she can speak to you however she likes because of her being older than you? I don't know if that makes complete sense but to me it sounds like you deserve a hell of a lot better. I think you need to give her an ultimatum - to commit to you and make something of your relationship or you part as a couple and make arrangements where the children are concerned? Using your past gambling problem as an excuse to go out and drunk kiss another man is completely and utterly wrong. Now if she loved and respected you as much as it sounds like you love and respect her then she would do anything to help you out of the hole that you was in. You 2 of course met online and you can understand that she may enjoy the personality she has online but if she's using the compiter to seek out other males despite getting with, and having a child with, you then you deserve better and must point that out to her. I know giving her an ultimatum is easy for me to say but you need to give her something to think about and make her evaluate what's more important to her - her computer personality or you. The ball is then in her court. If she chooses her online personality then for your wellbeing it would be worth leaving. Well, I would do that in your position if I were to find myself in it.

Is there anyone here that is familiar with NARCISSISTIC VICTIM SYNDROME ? Where can I find a discussion about narcissistic abuse and possible treatments for the victims/survivors? Thanks

The post by xandrew above this is excellant. I have a similar story but its also involves her suicide attempts and the suicide of her partner or "soul mate" before me and astrology. its like a curse from satan. its finally over. the emotional pain is so horrible i feel like i have PTSD. I want to tell this story.

i need to talk with you. my experience was so similar, but more intense...worse on the darkside . most people wont understand because this kind of lover wears such a perfect mask. how can we talk? private message?
There is Borderline and Histrionic Personality Disorders which are similar. Mine characteristics of both i pretty sure yours does too.