I want to do anything to keep this relationship together,
I can still feel that she truly loves me strongly.
whybother wrote:I actually think you are being incrediably selfish trying to insist that she show you love when you want it. Particularly as she has a security complex.I want to do anything to keep this relationship together,
Would you let her flower of love open why it is ready? For trying to force a flower to open does not work. Some might call trying to get this girl to show you love when you want it domination. I call it emotional abuse.
So if you really want to do anyhting to keep this relationship together why don't you show her your love, without being physical, which suggests showing her patience, patience and more bloody patience.I can still feel that she truly loves me strongly.
why is this not enough?
You can't fix someone else's problems, nor can you can't make them accept your help.
They have to want to work on their problems: their own first, then their relationship problems. Probably very difficult to do both simultaneously, unless...
the both of you go and see a relationship counselor. That would be worth the effort and money, if you both love each other and are committed.
Alternately, sometimes you have to loosten your bond with someone so they can have more freedom to change. I know this feels hard to do when you love them, but it can result in a healthier relationship later on.
0RH1 wrote:A bit harsh Whybother. He is obviously very fond of his g/f ans she appears to be fond of him but the main problem they are having is communication which he is trying to work on which is why he is here. I know lot's of guys who don't make any effort, nevermind coming to a forum like this to help for constructive advice on how to improve his communication skills. I think if someone is making the effort then we should try and give them some time and patience.
As for advice to the OP. The best thing i can say is keep trying, once you stop trying the end is in sight. When you have the desire to keep trying you obviously want to make things work. Relationships are never easy but nothing that is worth having ever is.
It sounds like you are making progress because you are able to now identify what upsets her so you need to work on approaching those areas as gently as possible. That doesn't mean avoiding certain topics because you need to be honest and open with each other. You just need to be careful how you approach things. It would be a shame to see an otherwise good relationship fail because you couldn't resolve your issues together.
Make it clear that you have all the time in the world for her and when you get it wrong you'll try again. The main thing is she she's you making an effort and working on things. Everyone loves a trier. Try not to take things too personally when miscommunication occurs and remember it's just that, miscommunication. Try and be supportive and if you get upset about something just explain patiently why you got upset. Clarity is much better because then she'll understand that it was not her you are upset with.
Best of luck with it mate. Hope it all works out for you.
0RH1 wrote:Hi Freshromantic, i am glad that you found my post of some use. You really do sound like you mean a lot to each other so i am pleased to hear that you are both making progress with your communication.
Your g/f sounds a lot like my ex g/f which was why i responded. Unfortunately i was not as effective as you have been on working on my communication problems. I am trying now to improve this area of my personality but unfortunately i am doing it too late to save my relationship with a girl i loved more than i ever loved anyone else. There isn't a day goes by when i don't look back and kick myself for the way i handled things. I didn't want to see you make the same mistake because it's horrible to lose someone you love because of communication problems. My g/f was also in Uni and she was working as well so she had a lot on her plate, she really is amazing to be able to take on so much and handle it all. With the benefit of hindsight i realise that i didn't make anywhere near enough allowances for what she had on. I took things way too personally when she didn't have enough time to spend with me and instead of talking it through i'd get upset. It's only now when i look back on it that i understand where i went wrong. I didn't want you to make the same mistakes that i made which is why i tried to offer a little bit of advice, hopefully you can learn from my mistakes. It's horrible when two people split up for reasons like miscommunication rather than serious issues like incompatibility. Communication can be worked on if you both want too, it sounds like you both do so you have everything to try for. If we can admit to our mistakes then we can learn from our mistakes. That's such an important point, we have to admit to ourselves that we are not perfect and we have made mistakes. I know i have made loads and i regret them bitterly. Likewise you understand where you have made mistakes so at least you can start working on those issues rather than keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
You sound like a very insightful person and i get the feeling that your g/f means an awful lot to you. Keep telling her much she means to you and that you'll keep trying to get things right. Maybe try doing something special for her. Take her out somewhere nice or do some other gesture that will show her how much you mean to her. You know her so only you will know what she will like but make it clear that you are doing it for her because she is very special to you and you want her to feel special. Best of luck and keep us posted.
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 19 guests