Suggestions on how to handle my dating hiatus

Hi there,

I recently posted about a guy I've been dating. That didn't work out. He wasn't 'sure' about us and he's looking for marriage. I suspect he's still getting over his ex. Guess I didn't fit the bill. No worries.
Except - I did worry, I tried to handle this rejection in a healthy way - but I didn't. After it happened I contacted a few guys I know (ones who would be up for some casual sex) to see whose about. Went out for a while to socialise and drank alcohol, with the intention of distracting my mind and getting drunk but I felt so low I had to come home. I bought some red wine, watched a film and waited for my regular FWB to come over to see me. He stayed over, we had sex and he left in the morning. I didn't use a condom (not like me!) and had to get the morning after pill. What an unhealthy way to deal with rejection! that cost me £25 that I don't have!!!!

I have an ex from 2009 who is wrong for me, he's emotionally unavailable and we've been in and out of touch since the end of our relationship. We are now friends on Facebook. We've chatted casually recently. I sent him a message saying if he's about then I want to see him. Thats how low I felt. I contacted my ex, whose wrong for me and messed me up. Since me and him split in 2009 I've slept with loads of guys, dated many and nothings worked out. After most don't work out I seem to think of my 2009 ex, it took me ages to get over him. Perhaps I'm still not over him completely. I don't act like a crazy person with him anymore thank god!

We started chatting on Facebook yesterday and he asked me to go see him. I went to his house and we talked and got close. We hugged for ages and then kissed. It got a bit heated but he stopped it. Im not sure I'd have gone all the way, but I was close. I craved his touch more than sex. I just wanted him to hold me and he knew it. After almost 3 years I still crave it! its a joke.

We discussed why I'm so upset and my issues and we discussed him. He said he would not be able to give me what I need if we were to consider trying again. I know this. Yet I can't seem to let him go completely. He can be narcissistic and arrogant. Although, these days he displays much more self reflection and awareness than 2009. He's apologised to me in the past for how he treated me. After I had no contact for over a year.

All of this just proves how emotionally unavailable I STILL am. I am now going to have a break of at least 6 months with NO DATING and NO SEX. I need to do this. I tried to do it in January but only last 4 months!. I can't keep crashing whenever my relationships don't work out. I don't like my dependency on casual sex. I want to break free from it.
As for my ex, I left saying that we are friends and he wants that. Despite everything I still have a place in my heart for him. I know he would be there for me when it came down to it. I never used to believe that. Now I do. this doesn't mean we will ever be compatible in a relationship though.

I guarantee in a few months I'll be craving someones touch. Apart from pleasing myself and doing meditation and exercise to keep myself distracted any other suggestions? I have a high sex drive.

I can relate to how hard it can be for you.

I remember when I was younger, I would have to avoid those situations I couldn't control myself in, and removing the means, to make it harder for me to call/contact that person. For example, hide my phone book, not step into DH's apartment(when he was my BF, I wanted to be proper, but had a really difficult time keeping my hands off him). So mild success using external means to control myself.

Then like you, distract myself as much as possible, through work, school, exercise...more currently, I've found various meditations to help, for different issues, like an open-heart meditation, inner space meditation, yada yada. I've heard of Kundalini(I think that's it?) yoga or meditation to channel excess sexual energy to do other stuff...I think, sorry no help.

But I wish you well.

Maybe in addition to the above, you might want to consider therapy. I'm wondering if you have self esteem issues, and look for comfort and validation through dating? Speaking to a therapist could help you to make sense of your thoughts and feelings, and to find a way of moving forward. Taking a break from dating could help you to discover who YOU are, and what you're looking for from life.

Thanks for the suggestions

Im already in therapy - I've been in therapy for more than 2 years. I had a break recently but have a new therapist now.

I agree that therapy is useful, but I still haven't quite 'got there' with this issue. I had other issues to do with family that I was was dealing with.