When a relationship starts with one side admitting to being disordered and the other side just... "acknowledging" it, the imbalance is inevitable. It's denial waiting to explode. And one day BOOM!, you don't have a problem, you are the problem.
UberGonzo wrote:The question becomes how do I fix this? I can't read people very well in many ways thus my difficulty in choosing appropriate partners. Another part of the issue is many do not share my ideals or at least tolerate them. It becomes a "change or else" ultimatum sooner or later.
anagram wrote:This is a key question in my life too. Maybe even more so... The basic difference in practice is that you have made bad choices, I have made none. One actually. I was willing to make my life better to be with her. I was glad that I wanted to make my life better. I had a plan. She was part of it, and she kept me going. But she couldn't let me in.
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
anagram wrote:She needed me to be unreal. So I had to be unreal... I fear she may become a ghost like everyone else is. I know she will... She was the mirror where I looked to see myself. No mirror, no self to be seen. Now the closest thing I have to my self is anagram. I don't like to be called by my birth name. It sounds odd to me. I don't like to be called by my old screen name either. Ana... nice ring to it... I guess I was thinking of it when I came up with this pseudonym.
anagram wrote:I've been wondering my whole life how to make a good choice. Most girls I've been attracted to somehow, uncannily, made me feel really bad. I had to stay away from them. There have been exceptions. (Unsurprisingly, Ana is the name of one of them...) But no real progress. I've been studying my own feelings of attraction and trying to understand what is wrong and what is right with them. There must be some truth there.
I'm attracted to warm, careless types. Women who seem to be drifting in the void like me. Sounds like a good thing to me. A good match. But why do I feel bad about it then?.. Or why can't I find them? Or how/where could/should I? I can't face all the ghosts out there while I seek for her. All these ghosts... it's frightening... I'm weak without her, because I'm not myself. I need to know where she is. I don't know where to look...
In short, yes: how do we fix this?
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