My partner tends to snap at me quite often. By snap I mean she gets just a little angry at me.
This can happen perhaps 5 or 10 times a day in a normal day.
I've got relatively used to it over the years we've lived together. I don't think she even knows she's doing it sometimes.
I guess sometimes I'm annoying and deserve it but most often it feels like it is because she has misunderstood me.
I usually just let it go but sometimes it upsets me if it happens a lot in rapid succession and I say something about it, like I did tonight... "i'm sorry but that is not fair, that's the 5th time you've been angry with me tonight, and I did not deserve any of them, and it's not on!"... I snap back... big mistake.
She is immediately very defensive and angry - can't believe how horrible I'm being - suggests I always get like this when I'm tired and/or have had a drink (I had 2 beers and a glass of wine 2 hours ago, perhaps this has affected my patience somewhat) - tells me that if I don't like it I know where the door is.
'Discussion' continues and I try to defend my case but she's now getting more and more upset and the whole thing is escalating (I'm trying not to but I am getting more wound up now also, voice levels rising).
I suggest that if she'd simply apologised all would be OK. This makes her more angry (of course).
She says I need to tell her exactly what happened on these 5 occasions so she can apologise for them all individually - I can never remember specifics at times like this for some reason. In fact I can't remember any but the most recent one. This is always the way, drink or no drink. Under pressure my memory fails. I think this is common in men
She tells me how she doesn't understand why I'm being so horrible and quotes me back to me from earlier in the same conversation with slight modifications and additions to the words I used.
She storms off to bed.
This is just one example. I feel like if I ever calmly go to her with a "moan" about something, anything, no matter how diplomatic (I think) I am about it, it ends up like this.
Other than this inability to take criticism things are very good between us. We've been together a long time now and are good together. I would hate for us to break up. We make a good team - especially when challenged together.
I looked at symptoms lists for BPD and there is not great correlation. She does have an eating disorder, but is definitely much better with this than she has been in the past - but I think it is very likely related in some way.
I think mostly I'm posting this as a vent for my frustration. I feel like I'm going a bit mad. She's got a point maybe. They were just minor little snipes at me after all.
But to not be allowed to "have a go" when I feel unfairly done by, AT ALL, EVER, because it will end up like this, feels like I'm constrained. Hard to explain.
Does this make sense?