Letting go of family

Ever since my mom died two years ago, Ive been living with my 83yr old dad and 21yr old son in my parents home. I have always been the kind of mother that puts my sons first. I have always done everything for them. I have always been there for them no matter what. Recently I became involved with a man I plan to marry. I find myself wanting to be with him as much as possible, but I cant. I have obligations and responsibilities at home I have to tend to all day long. Lately, Ive spent more time with him because Ive organized chores at home. Problem is that my dad and son now accuse me of being selfish, being controlled, not caring about them, being a slave and a dumbass. This is tearing me apart. What can I do?

nottynurse wrote:Ever since my mom died two years ago, Ive been living with my 83yr old dad and 21yr old son in my parents home. I have always been the kind of mother that puts my sons first. I have always done everything for them. I have always been there for them no matter what. Recently I became involved with a man I plan to marry. I find myself wanting to be with him as much as possible, but I cant. I have obligations and responsibilities at home I have to tend to all day long. Lately, Ive spent more time with him because Ive organized chores at home. Problem is that my dad and son now accuse me of being selfish, being controlled, not caring about them, being a slave and a dumbass. This is tearing me apart. What can I do?

tell your 21 year old son to do the chores and take care of his grandpa until he moves out and go spend time with your bf?

unless of course having "organized" (i read that to mean a highly neurotic and rigidly controlled method of doing things) chores is more important than spending cuddle time with the bf.

- Labor.

Nottynurse

Welcome to the forums.

For my dime's worth of advice it seems father has changed from having his every wish done by his wife to yourself. At 83 I suspect he may well have some medical problems, but has he ever learnt to cope alone?

I reckon both males should learn to fend for themselves. That way at least your son will have reason to appreciate a gf if he lands one.

If you choose to post how these men consider effectively restricting you to the kitchen, barefoot is not being selfish then I reckon I would find the read interesting.

Alas, both will eventually fly away from your universe, and then where will you be?

Go chase happiness. Settle for content. Being guilt tripped is not to be accepted..

I want to thank you all for giving me advice. Deep down inside of me I know the proper thing to do is to stand my ground. I know I should tell my dad and son that this is my time now. I have no little kids. I have finally been making my own decisions, Im not being controlled, Ive just changed. Telling them is difficult because Im like a doormat, a nonconfrontational person, too easygoing. I dont like argueing so Id rather just go with the flow. My dad is 83 but is very healthy and has no ongoing medical problems, my son is spoiled rotten, disrespectful and self centered. I feel like running away. I hate that they make my bf feel like $#%^. Thank you for all your advice.