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Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

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Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby JackSparrow » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:07 am

In short, I think I may have blown my chances with a girl I really admire.

There is this girl in my computer class, and I sit next to her everyday.
We are friends but we have only hung out a couple of times (all of them with other people)
She knows that I like her, I try to flirt with her and make her laugh and whatnot.
And I think she likes me, or used to at least, she plays with her hair when she talks to me, but can never look me straight in the eye. She gave me a nickname and calls me by that name sometimes. however she is REALLY SHY. It took months to even get this close with her. and we still barely know each other.

I have asked her out a couple of times, but she does work so it can be troublesome sometimes. but whenever we do go out, its always her AND her friends. I can never get her alone so I can tell her how I feel about her. Is that what she is worried about?

So anyway, my friend said the other night that I should send her a sweet text message, just to show her that she means something to me. So I sent her a message complimenting her on her smile. Not only did she not text me back, but she was kinda hesitant to talk to me today. I'm afraid that she is angry with me, or that she is trying to to say that she isn't interested in that kind of relationship. But it seems so odd to me, because she flirts with me too, and just by the way she acts around me, I think I can tell that she likes me.

I feel really bad now, should I say sorry to her?
Should I ask her if she is even interested?
Because honestly, I don't want to waste my/her time with this if she only wants to be friends.
I really like this girl, and she seems to feel the same way based on our conversations, what can I do to fix this?
Is she just too shy to text back? And that I'm thinking about this too far?

Sincerely
Last edited by masquerade on Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited out minor detail to protect users privacy
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby marshmellow » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:44 am

The best way to come at this is with honesty. However you need to do so in a comfortable setting for her. Perhaps pull her aside somewhere kind of public (school or one of these outings with friends). Maybe text. Whatever you think is best. Tell her how you feel about her. Say you like her and are interested in dating, throw in a compliment or two but not too many or else she will feel uncomfortable. Tell her that you wanted to tell her and that she doesn't have to give you a response right away. Since she is shy maybe then you should wait a couple days then ask her if she would like to go on a date with you.
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby JackSparrow » Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:31 am

The only thing I'm worried about here is that if she isn't interested, it may leave us in an awkward friendship. Some of my friends have told me to back off a bit, let her chase me if she is interested, but I'm not sure if this will work because she is terribly shy, (she has never had a boyfriend) and she may just hold back her feelings. I feel stuck.
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby marshmellow » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:20 am

A shy girl will not go after a guy, so I wouldn't suggest backing off as a tactic. She might not be interested and that's just a chance you have to take. If she isn't interested you either become/stay friends or mostly stop talking to one another.

If you think you should build up more time together before you start seriously dating just try hanging out more and talking more. I wouldn't ask about the text you sent her, just refrain from compliments like that for now. It might have made her uncomfortable and she had no idea what to say. Just put it behind you. If for some reason she still acts upset ask her if something is wrong or if she needs someone to talk to.
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby JackSparrow » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:22 pm

Thanks for the reply, I think you may be right on that note. We are friends, but I think your'e right on the fact that we should hang out a bit more before I ask her out alone. Hell, that may just be the thing she wants anyway. I guess all there is to do now is to just let things play out. Maybe I was just a little anxious about all of this, It has already been a couple months since we have started talking, and all of my friends have been pushing me to take action. Hah, this probably happens often doesn't it? Where someone is trying to find out what to do next, when all they have to do is take everything one day at a time. I'm just afraid of the day I tell her how I feel. Although I am afraid of loosing her as a friend, I think that confronting her with my feelings will be the only way to know whats on her mind. *sigh* Out of all the games in the world, the dating game sure is cruel. Haha.
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby Evol222 » Thu Apr 26, 2012 11:07 pm

Hi Jack,

You seem like a really nice guy and I hope it works out with you and your friend.
I think taking it slow is definitely a good idea; particularly if she's shy and has never had a boyfriend. The dating game is cruel, for sure...so why play? It seems the most natural thing is to forget "dating" and just spend time together and see where it goes from there.

Well wishes,

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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby JackSparrow » Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:42 am

Thanks! I hope so too. haha. She has been warming up to me a bit I think, I seem calmer and more in control around her now. I think it was because I was so focused on 'the game' and not being a better friend. I really appreciate the advice guys.
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Re: Did I mess up? Or just thinking about it too much?

Postby marshmellow » Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:54 am

No problem. I hope it goes well for you!
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