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The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby dustin W » Fri Sep 20, 2013 11:50 pm

Thank you for the replies, I've never done anything like this on the Internet before. I have seen my doctor and he gave me anti depressants, which don't work. They just make my head feel weird so I stopped taking them. everyone keeps telling me that everything will be fine and that it will get better over time, but I'm not so sure about that. I've been getting worse every day and feeling hopelessness. All I've been doing every day is crying my eyes out, I even started crying in front of everyone at work, which is a mill where everyone is supposed to be tough. It was so embarrassing. I wish I could just not care but the fact of the matter is I just can't let go. I've been in a lot of relationships in the past and never she'd a treat when they ended so this is not like me, but this girl was so special the way she made me feel. even after three years together I still get butterflies when we kiss. It really was a one of a kind relationship since we got along so good and never fought. I just want all this pain to stop, but I'm afraid it never will
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby Thexena » Mon Sep 23, 2013 1:54 pm

Dear Dustin,

I implore you to continue taking your pills - even if they make you feel weird. They really help a lot. The pills I take actually prevent me from feeling ANY emotion, joy, sadness, fear, NOTHING. But I know that without it I will also cry my eyes out and I will probably kill myself. I know you feel weird now but you get used to the weird feelings and eventually you learn to deal with it. Also, talk to your doctor and tell him how the pills make you feel - maybe the dose is too strong for you or it is the wrong kind of antidepressants.

I feel the same way about my ex - I have a new boyfriend now but I still dream of my ex and I still feel a pang in my heart when someone talks about him...

I hope you find support and continue with the pills.

Good luck! Stay Strong!

-- Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:00 pm --

masquerade wrote:Dustin W, please speak to your doctor about your suicidal thoughts. They are NOT a normal part of the grieving process, and as such they need to be taken very seriously. If you are feeling overwhelmed by them, please get yourself to your nearest emergency room at your local hospital. You must tell someone as there is help available.


It isn't normal? :shock: O... I was also suicidal after my breakup... I thought it was just part of the depression?... Sorry for the bad advice to Dustin then... :oops: I seriously thought the suicidal thoughts were part of the depression...
"You never know how strong you are... Until being strong is the only option you have."
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby masquerade » Mon Sep 23, 2013 2:55 pm

Suicidal thoughts should always be taken seriously. When they're a part of depression, they're a warning sign that you should seek medical advice, urgently. Depression exists on a scale, with relatively mild, REACTIVE depression to an event such as a break up or bereavement at one end of the scale, and severe clinical depression at the other. Reactive depression after a loss of any kind is considered to be a normal part of the grieving process, but when this depression becomes unbearable or disabling to the extent that a person can't cope with their day to day life, and have suicidal thoughts, then they should ALWAYS seek medical or professional help.Doing so could literally save their life.
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby hiyashi » Tue Sep 24, 2013 10:31 pm

Just about two months ago, my girlfriend of three years - well, three years less two days - left me.

This is the second time we had been together, once when we were younger for nearly a year and a half. During that time I was bullied and harassed by nearly everyone else in my school. I essentially ended that relationship by cheating, and felt so... remorseful? and worthless that I attempted to take my life. Luckily I survived, and things got better after moving a few minutes away and transferring to another school.

However, this time she simply left. No explanation, no one else she was interested in as far as I can tell. We'd still been going places steadily, even - she gave no hints that she wanted to end it. And so when she left, I was in a state of complete shock. As the shock passed, it gave way to slight anger - which abated quickly, I take Taekwondo classes and hit the bag for a few days to calm myself - then quickly to depression. I didn't try bargaining - she's a little stubborn, which I can't say I didn't like - I knew it wouldn't work. At first those suicidal thoughts had come back, but I had been down that road and knew I still had things to live for. Then came numbness, that feeling of complete lack of emotions, total apathy toward anything and everything. Just about two weeks ago, I smiled again for the first time since the breakup and it's been a rather quick uphill since. I feel happier, though I still lack most of my motivation.

The thing that hurts the most right now - and it may seem odd for me to say this - is that I'm making due without her. Any time that thought goes through my mind, I feel the depression creep back in for a while. I hadn't considered life without her for a long time, and I have no idea of what to do with my self or my time anymore. I don't bother thinking of what could have been, because it can't be, but I do find myself lingering over memories of our time together. Right now, I'm simply looking for some purposeful thing to accomplish, something new to devote my time to. Things will get better.

-FC
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby clgeorge3 » Mon Sep 30, 2013 11:38 am

I understand all the stages and I have lived them before. The problem I am having is that I know that my ex loves me as he has never loved before, misses me, and is crying over the loss of me. It almost sounds like I dumped him. The reason for our breakup was one thing only. Long distance!!! We were great communicators, loving, and supportive. We stayed with each other every day and laughed and loved. When we were together things were perfect even if they weren't. 8 Days ago we were together and we expressed our love deeply. He told me that someday he would replace the promise ring with an engagement ring. Then 2 days later he went into a deep depression after I left and said he couldn't handle being away from me. He wanted to see me every day. How do I cope with this? I wanted to marry him, he wanted to marry me. How can I grieve if I know he is still out there loving me and I him?
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby Nick-Oigoi » Mon Dec 02, 2013 7:38 am

masquerade wrote:Typically, the seven (7) stages of grief are described as:
- Shock or Disbelief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Guilt
- Depression
- Acceptance and Hope...

Treat yourself with love and kindness, be gentle with yourself and try to find one thing in every day that pleases you.


Great post Masquerade and the list line you have summed up everything so well. Love your self is the key, the day we start doing that no break-up will hurt us in the longer run, it will definitely be there but wont be long-lasting. Apart from what I do I have been through these phases myself and they have been painful for 2 days after that I have always picked myself and moved on!
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby Havoctoria » Sat Jan 11, 2014 1:25 am

What if you don't have anyone to talk to after the break-up?

What if you don't know how to talk about it?

What if you can't talk about it?

What if you know you're going to regret breaking up for a lifetime, because for the first time, someone was really there for me? And because we explode (in a big way) over little things, we shouldn't be together?

I want to try therapy together (if I ever go back myself), but that would mean at some point being honest with him. Dropping all acts and coming clean about important lies I've told. It doesn't take a doctor to know we won't make any progress unless I do that.

It would take me years, by myself, to get to the point where I can do that.

In years he could be someone I don't recognize because he would have grown without me.

I haven't even broken up with him yet and I'm already going nuts! ._.
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby angelinbluejeans » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:11 pm

The facts are (and I apologize I am never on this forum nor never may be again) really it is best to dwell on what is going right in your life. I have an awful lot to be grateful for...
'do not hold back good from those to whom it is owing, when it happens to be in the power of your hand to do it' "To love well is the task in all meaningful relationships, not just romantic ones"
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby Hadarian » Thu Feb 27, 2014 2:21 pm

It is helpfull to be reminded of this information . I am experiencing the stages (not necessarily in that order).

We were't in a relationship (it is someone that I know) but I have strong feelings for the person, and fantasies about a romantic relationship, however I realized that the other party might not feel the same. Has anyone experienced this? - love interest wasn't expressed to the other but felt deeply..
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Re: The 7 Stages of Grief after the end of a relationship

Postby nicenickuk » Mon Mar 24, 2014 2:14 pm

I don't know what stage I'm at. My partner ended a 8 year relationship in January after I had failed to deliver what I promised in terms of our joint future - so I blame myself. It was an intense and loving relationship and she stuck by me through thick and thin - then suddenly - BANG - all over.

I've been through the shock bit - but I am in denial despite the fact that she has already slept with a new boyfriend - she is 30 btw, not a teenager. For a while we had no contact - I tried to avoid her on Facebook and in reality. Then she responded to my sending the odd, friendly text. Sometimes she replies, sometimes she doesn't. When she doesn't I go through the whole grieving process myself again.

We have met twice - the first time the day before she met up with the new guy. Then last week after they had split (temporarily I guess). She still wears my ring. She still smiles.

I know she loves me, as I love her, and she is being stronger than me. I know I should cut off contact but because I know that she was The One (as an older guy I know as I'd looked all my life) I cannot give up on her in case there's the remotest chance that even after two months we could get back. She asks for no pressure - so that means I can't even try bargaining! But all her friends and family are trying to make sure she has no contact with me to make it easier for her to cope with her grief.

No-one is saying - give him another chance - and yet she admits to being unhappy. And I just think - if we got back together maybe neither of us would be grieving or seeking consolation elsewhere.

As an outsider I'd be saying - cut off, it failed. But I just can't. At some point I know I probably have to accept it's over - but such was the depth of emotion on both sides I can't work out when it should be. As she pointed out, how much easier it would be if one of us had done something horrible to the other party ....but we didn't.

I feel hope less. If I didn't realise how ending my life would be traumatic for my family, it has occasionally seemed a way out - but I wouldn't do that to them. So no need to panic! Just the ****ing pain is so hard. H E L P!!!
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