Our partner

Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Open Discussions about Relationship Issues.

Moderators: masquerade, xdude

Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby jakeln » Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:49 pm

**Trigger Warning: Post discusses mature and sensitive content that may be triggering to some members.**

(As a new member, I did not realize the difference between posting in a Blog vs a Forum, so this is a re-port from what was previously my Blog)

Hi, I'm a new member and have registered in the hope of finding a better understanding and hopefully some peace regarding my intimate relationship with my half sister.

I was adopted at birth and met my biological mother and two half sisters 6 years ago (I was 38 at the time). My two half sisters (the eldest was 28 and the youngest was 25) (and no-one else) never knew of my existence. After my mother disclosed and discussed my "re-appearance" with them, we met for the first time in 2006. From the very first moment, there was a very special bond between my eldest half sister and me. Although I dearly love my youngest half sister and we have a great relationship, which is very supportive and loving, we do not have a physical attraction to each other and we do not share the same level of emotional "understanding" that I share with my eldest half sister.

From the first moment on, my eldest half sister and I shared an amazing bond. I live in a different country to them (my mother and two half sisters), but each time we get to see each other, we have an ability to enter each other's souls in an instant, as if we have never been apart. The "connection" between us has always contained an element of physical attraction, but we never acted on it, nor discussed it. In each other's presence, we were however always stunned by the fact that no-one else picked up on it, since it always felt (and still does) like it was almost "tangible".

In 2008, our relationship became sexual and on each trip since then, we have enjoyed the most amazing intimate moments both she and I have ever experienced. First and foremost, we are truly soul mates and we share an acceptance of each other, that neither of us have ever experienced anywhere else. Our physical relationship is not our primary attraction, but flows from the amazing intimacy we share emotionally. If it were possible and because of society's views regarding relationships like these, we'd choose to exist as "just" half brother and sister, but we both understand that we'd be lying to ourselves if we pretended this to be true.

We are both Christians and love our churches and our communities. I don't have a problem with our relationship in view of my relationship with God, but my sister does struggle with it from time to time. We also understand the consequences (perhaps not fully) of our relationship, both in a community and in our family.

We have not shared our relationship with anyone and my hope is to enter into meaningful discussion regarding our situation, so that I may better understand our options. There is so much more to say, but this will do for a start.

After re-reading my own post, I guess I'm asking if there is anyone else out there with the same experience and how are you coping in society? What is society's response and if you're not in such a relationship, but as a member of society, what is your opinion of such a relationship? We're (me) so stuck on how we "think" everyone views such a relationship, that we (I) don't always consider that there may be other opinions out there.

Also, is it sustainable to enter into society in such a relationship and not to disclose the full extent (intimacy) of it, but just be a (half) brother and sister living together?
Last edited by MissAli on Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:40 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Added trigger and sensitive content to post for readers.
jakeln
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:20 pm
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby shooting_star » Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:20 pm

I don't think that the relationship is a healthy one. That's just my opinion, but what comes to mind is, what happens if she gets pregnant? You'd be lucky if the baby turned out normal. How would you explain things to him/her? That his/her uncle is really their dad, and their mom is also their aunt? You're supposed to have a strong bond between siblings, but not that type of bond. I guess I would seek advice of a therapist. Good luck.
shooting_star
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2012 1:43 pm
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 7:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby rainbow_sprinkles » Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:37 pm

yeah the pregnancy thing is my biggest concern here too. and what will happen when people start to find out? you can't keep this sort of thing a secret forever. especially if she becomes pregnant. people are gonna wanna know who daddy is.

not to mention, depending on where you live, this kind of relationship may be considered incest and therefore be illegal. in new zealand, for example, you could spend 10 years in jail for such an offense. in the UK and Canada it's 14 years.... just browsing wikipedia for this info. maybe you should have a look http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_incest
User avatar
rainbow_sprinkles
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2166
Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2011 4:45 am
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby masquerade » Thu Jan 26, 2012 4:30 pm

Here is a link for a Wiki article on genetic attraction.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Genetic_sexual_attraction

This may explain a bit more about the processes that cause this to happen.

Yes, it is illegal and there can be severe punishments for incest. The possibility of pregnancy is also something that needs to be considered here.

Talking over your feelings with a therapist can help and may help with your feelings of isolation.
http://youtu.be/myyITD5LWo4

http://youtu.be/IaBLhoWTkMI

forum-rules.php
No lap top atm so may be delayed in replying to you. If urgent please approach another moderator
masquerade
Site Admin
 
Posts: 10454
Joined: Sat Jun 19, 2010 1:48 pm
Local time: Sat Nov 29, 2014 1:14 am
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby jakeln » Thu Jan 26, 2012 5:26 pm

Thank you for your comments.

Yes, it is very complicated. It is the true-est emotions we've both ever experienced, and it's a shame that it comes in this complicated scenario. We've often thought about how amazing it would be if the agency had made a mistake in telling us that we were half-brother and sister and we turned out to be two strangers (as strange as that may sound).

There is no chance of pregnancy, but even if that is the case, it does not address the moral question.

I really do think that more of this goes on than we think, but people don't declare their full emotions and live together just as a brother and a sister.

Thank you again for your comments.
jakeln
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:20 pm
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby andi » Fri Jan 27, 2012 8:09 pm

I agree with masquerade on the Genetic Sexual Attraction. I suggest you do some in-depth research on it. However, I can somewhat realte, because as an older teen, and into my very early 20s, I had an intimate relationship with my stepbrother, who I had grown up with since grade school. That too was the most emotionally intense and real relationship I have ever had with a man.

I REALLY really think you need to give this a TON of thought before doing anything rash like telling your family or anything. I would be saying these next things about your relationship even if you two didnt come out of the same mother. I think this whole thing is best kept as an occasional, and very secret thing. You guys dont even live in the same country, its not like you REALLY know each other. What if you decide to make it official and move to her country and move in together and in a few weeks/months find out you two are actually completely incompatible and want to break it off, then your whole family will be completely screwed up! When things went badly with my stepbrother, it tore the family apart. He told the family what happened, but I denied it and they all believed me (he is a total liar on a regular basis so it worked out well for me). I couldnt stand to be around him, he made me sick to my stomach, he reminded me of everyting I hate about myself.

Sex is a drug, the naughtier the sex, the stronger the high, you two are addicted to each other. No one thinks straight when they are in the midst of their high. I am not sure you could go back to just having a normal brother/sister relationship with her ever, you two are kind of locked in to this whole tawdry thing, unless you eventually come to a mutual understanding or something.

She is really the one with the most to lose IMO. I am hoping you were adopted by loving parents and have solid ties with your adopted family, you will have a family to fall back on when things go badly with your sister. She may not. Your biological mother and remaining sister could very well turn their backs to the both of you forever. No matter what, her relationship with her mom and sister will be forever damaged.

All I am saying is please, PLEASE think long and carefully about this, and PLEASE do not do anything rash in say the next 5 or 10 years. This is such a delicate situation, and I am not sure either of you are thinking about this rationally right now, you are just too caught up in the excitement of it all. I am not judging. I get it. My stepbrother and I at one point were considering having a child together. THANK GOD we didnt, but I seriously know how easy it is to get caught up in this sort of thing.
andi
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:29 am
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby jakeln » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:28 pm

andi wrote:All I am saying is please, PLEASE think long and carefully about this, and PLEASE do not do anything rash in say the next 5 or 10 years. This is such a delicate situation, and I am not sure either of you are thinking about this rationally right now, you are just too caught up in the excitement of it all.


Thanks for your comment "andi", I love all that you say and whole heartedly agree. We've certainly been giving it time and working on ourselves and making sure that we don't rush anything. I'm also not sure if we'll ever be able to expose the whole truth about our relationship, to our family or the public as a whole. I'm actually pretty certain of it. Society is just not ready for anything like this.

We've both been through unsuccessful marriages and we're actually fine with the idea of just living together "and getting old together" as (half) brother and sister. The "blessing" we experience of being in each other's company, is so wonderful, that neither of us could ever ask for more, even if it does exclude a sexual relationship. Should it happen that we engage in sexual activity from time to time, it's no-one's business and need not be part of how we're "defined" out there.

I'm not trying to rationalize it, but trying to be real and see it for what this really is.

We're both highly educated, live in great communities and have good incomes and there should be no reason why we could not choose to live our lives that way.

I am also sure, that given our history and the story of how we all (me and my biological family) met each other again, that both our mother and sister would approve of us just being together and just be happy for this time (whatever that means - be it 5 years, be it 50 years). I also think that since we're all older (40's and 30's), the choice is a "life choice" and not the choice of a teenager, or of younger, less informed people (not reflecting badly on your situation, but thinking about it from eg our mother's perspective). It should almost be no different than someone saying they're gay and wanted to live with a "life partner" for the rest of their life.

Again, thank you for your insight and comment, it is much appreciated.

jakeln

-- Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:37 am --

I also want to ask another question - what if sexuality was not part of the scenario? I ask, because I don't want to make it the central theme of the post, since our attraction is spiritual and emotional and the physical is merely a by-product of the amazing and happy emotional connection we share (as it should be in any relationship). What if we were merely "a brother and sister living together", after both had unsuccessful marriages - is that something that society could accept?

We both have children (older children) and they get along wonderfully. I don't have any disputes with my wife and our separation was very amicable. Why can't this be a scenario where two people who get along and trust each other because they're related, just decide to share their space for an extended period of time?

Again, I'm not trying to rationalize it, but this is truly our reality.

jakeln
jakeln
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:20 pm
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby andi » Sun Feb 05, 2012 6:36 am

I think not disclosing the full extent of your relationship is a great idea. I do think society could accept a brother and sister innocently sharing a house, with separate bedrooms, and generally separate lives. And you are 100% right, its really no one elses business. I think it could be like two people who are related, living together because they trust each other. I think it could be whatever you wanted it to be or look like, I know it was that way for me!

I do want to say though, that you are adults, but in your 30s or 40s, I think you both are still young and still in the prime of your lives, too young to be making rest of your life to necessairly be making "life choices" imo. You never know what life might bring!

I am not trying to discourage you, really I am just rambling. I wish you two tons of happiness, and the best of luck!
andi
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 10:29 am
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 5:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby Jerril » Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:37 pm

I suppose if you both aren't hurting anyone, there is nothing "wrong" with your relationship. However, it has obviously caused you some friction as to write about it in here, for some feedback.

When I think of my parents, for better or worse, they have been a constant force in my life, a steady influence and relationship. Jeopardizing this would not be worth it for me. That is what is at stake here, right? If they found out, who knows what would happen to your whole family network? My guess is some would disown you both. That is no good, is it?

Sounds like this whole thing could create more mental clutter than anything. I am wondering about the fulfillment levels in other parts of your lives? I am wondering if you both are choosing this affair because it has risk, excitement, and distraction? Sure, you may say, "no, it doesn't," but I wonder if this is on a deeper level, your need for this type of distraction.

I'm confused. I can't see why the attraction you two experience could be worth the possible future aggravation.
Jerril
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 419
Joined: Mon Sep 03, 2007 3:02 am
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 10:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Half brother and sister intimate relationship *TRIGGER

Postby jakeln » Mon Feb 06, 2012 8:21 pm

Thanks Jerril & andi for your comments, they are much appreciated.

We have our mother and our sister / half-sister to think about, as well as my ex-parents in law, who are very dear to me and of course our children. Her son would still be living with us, so that complicates things (he is in his early teens). My kids would mostly be with their mom and they are also much older (late teens). These are all the things that are foremost in our minds, but our friends and other connections also matter. And that is the main reason that I wanted to post here and see how other couples function in such relationships. Does it last? Is the pressure not too much for the relationship in the end?

jakeln
jakeln
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 3:20 pm
Local time: Fri Nov 28, 2014 8:14 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Next

Return to Relationship Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 53 guests

cron