I don't know that I can talk about my feelings to her. I know I can't talk to her about getting back together with her, I have done that too much and she sees it as harassment not and says that it hurts her when I do it. I did tell her in an e-mail when she says she will never take me back, and she wants anyone but me, that hearing those things are very damaging to me, even if it's true it doesn't need to be said.
She has told me that if she wants me back she will let me know. She has also said that she won't take me back to protect herself. I think the main problems is that she does not trust me, and seems to feel like if she lets herself get close to me again that I will just hurt her again, which is absolutely not how it is, but I can tell her that all day, if I don't show her that I won't hurt her nothing I say will convince her otherwise. She said the other day that she doesn't want to like me either, maybe I am reading too much into it, but it seems like she is holding back and won't allow herself to like me, maybe she would like to be able to like me again or love me again, but doesn't feel safe letting herself do that? She did say she likes me a little the other day. Usually she says she doesn't like me and no matter what I do that will never change. If it's true that now is the only thing that's real, then I don't buy it that she will never like me again or never be in love with me again. These things cannot be known, you can guess how you will feel about someone in the future but that's the extent of it. I don't know how I will feel about something five minutes from now, I could stop having feelings for her a week from now, but that doesn't mean they will never come back. I imagine people who are married or in long term relationships, might feel at time that they don't love their partner anymore or at least don't feel close to them, but later on they feel close again, I know that is true of me. I was with someone for 10 years once and the feelings came and went, I think that's just how it works sometimes.
I know what I need to do is work on the trust issue a lot, not bugging her about getting back together will help a lot, it will do two things, help build trust again, since she will see I have stopped doing something that I know hurts her, and the other thing it will do is show her that I respect her. So I don't know my therapist doesn't seem to think it's hopeless. She said acceptance is not the same as giving up so I think she is telling I don't need to give up on the idea, but acceptance of how things are right now will help feel ok with how things are and bring me some relief which is what I really need.
-- Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:43 pm --