onebravegirl wrote:Hello timewarp.
Long ago, I was that kind of daughter. Let me just say that if she was raised with love and kindness, she will eventually come home to it. I mean in the sense of remembering You and the love and support you showed her.
Be as pleasant as Pie to that husband. Bat your eye lashes, do what ever to disarm him. His actions will show up in time, even in your daughters eyes. At that point, you are there for her. If he wont let you have any contact at all, send a quiet letter with NO questions about their personal life. Just be a quiet presence of love and grace. When the time comes she will know you are there for her and didnt judge her choices.
I suggest all this because I lived first hand in an abusive relationship. My Boy friend would use every concerned thing my mother ever said about me and him and twisted it to him protecting me from abuse. "I'm protecting you from your parents" was a common conversation. Abusers are master manipulators, so the best way to Dis Arm him is to be sweet, supportive, positive. He'll test you of course. Dont waver. Look ahead to the day when she sees him for the ass he is. THAT will be your day.
It is sad that my advice is to manipulate a manipulator. Normally I would never give such advice. But in the case of an abusive relationship, you have to think in different terms.
You love your daughter and I am sure she knows it. Support her, even with stupid choices like the ones she is making right now.
One day you may have her crying into you lap, feeling lost and grateful for you having not judged but support her.
Keep that thought in your head, it can help you not give into anger against him. HE can be a memory, you can be a wise and graceful teacher to your little girl.
With hope and love for you,
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