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Why can't my mind let me trust her

Open Discussions about Relationship Issues.

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Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby Raziel908 » Sat Jan 01, 2011 3:56 am

I have been off and on with a women that I love more then any other.For some reason my mind makes me think that she is with someone else behind my back.I know that in my heart it is not true,but my mind makes me feel diferrent.It won't let me trust her.I know she loves me more then any other.I have flipped out on her many times.But she is still there for me and loyal to me.I take Abilify and lithium.But I still can't control it.It is tearing my love life apart.I don't want to hurt her feeling anymore.All the other women walked away,but she has not.Please some give me some advice,I don't want to lose her. :(
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby sweetcheeks » Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:30 am

You know, I'm a receiver of your type of paranoia.

I've wanted someone I think has the same issues you may have, although I'm not 100% certain. However, I've been on the receiving end of your type of mentality and let me tell you...it's soul destroying.

Because of 'his' issues, he has chosen to miss out on 20 years of love, the best sex ever, maybe a couple of gorgeous children, a happy home and emotional stability and inner peace.

Instead....he has opted for a conveyer belt full of women to which he won't even remember their names on his death bed. :cry:

If you don't get some professional help with your paranoia, you WILL destroy and waste away the best years of your life. :|

Go get some professional help. There is nothing wrong with doing it if you value your life of course. If you're here purely to exist, then sure...swim in stigma and reap its rewards. :roll: I'm sure everyone will look up to you for it at your funeral. NOT. :oops:
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby sweetcheeks » Tue Jan 04, 2011 1:20 am

Can I just say...I think this is also based on how you value yourself.
On some level, you don't think you're good enough for her, and this WILL create paranoia for sure.

Some 21 years ago, I fell for someone who I have to admit, made me feel inadequate. It wasn't anything that he did particularly, other than ask me a question that I didn't understand, and instead of just saying, "what do you mean by that?"...I chose to answer it, not knowing what I was saying either yes, or no to. :roll: :roll: Maybe this has been my downfall, I don't know.

This little episode, mixed with my perception of who I thought he was created nothing but paranoia for me. He is only 6 years younger than me, yet at the time I thought it was HUGE! Life has proven this to be a ridiculous concept. :wink: However, given I had fallen for him straight away, I started to get paranoid about everything...I'm too old, too stupid, too fat, too boring...too everything.

In hind sight...I know that my paranoia developed because he actually pushed me away, he rejected me despite he showed interest. He created confusion within me, which naturally - turned to self doubt. I'm 100% honest and anything outside of this (for me) is totally foreign. Lies have no foundations, so it stands to reason that behaviours based on lies also have no foundations.

So, what did I do about it? I went off and became educated, I went to university and haven't stopped studying since. Two more subjects to go and I'll have my master's degree in psych. I have other supporting quals too and THIS has given me the confidence to no longer believe that I'm not good enough. Prior to doing this, I was married to a man who wanted me to stay 'dumb' for one of a better term. He was very insecure and so passively aggressively mistreated me: not physically, just emotionally. The point is...YOU have a responsibility to yourself to feel good about who you are. Find something that will help you become the person you actually want to be. Once you become that person, you'll find that who you are underneath isn't so bad after all. :wink:

The funny thing is though...I've got all these quals, yet none of them have brought any real financial rewards. Sure, I'm a teacher but it doesn't pay well. It's a good job that gives non monetary rewards, but don't ever expect to be a millionaire being a teacher. :| I made more money before I got the quals doing what I was good at, yet not truly valuing it...art! I'm now going back to it because it's my oxygen, my life support, it's what I love doing.

Good luck. :D
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby requiem for a dream » Wed Jan 05, 2011 10:38 pm

I have same problem, I imagine pictures in mind and places she went than I figure out who was there and get scenario of her cheating on me. It's horrible I can't get myself together I think about that whole time. I convince myself that it's true and than try to pull words out of her. I have BPD but not taking any anti depressants, I just don't want to do that no more. Can't trust her no matter how good it is to us. It makes me feel to hate everyone else...that kind of paranoia will kill me not to say other stuffs...
You are not alone and I feel better to know that I'm not.
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby RayRx » Thu Jan 06, 2011 2:18 pm

Here my thought; tell her what you told us and you both try to figure it out together.

All the best,
May
I want to be able to accept "life" as it is.
I want to be able to understand what the life is.
I want to be able to find a peaceful mind in the whole world.
For on and on I just want to be a warm welcome home.
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby Helpless4 » Fri Apr 01, 2016 4:20 am

You are not alone. I have been dealing with this all of my adult life. It has ruined the most meaningful relationship i ever had in my life. I have reached the point where I am building a dangerous dislike for women. Dangerous in a sense that I can not become emotionally invested in any woman I'm romantically involved with. I am in the process of destroying another relationship currently because of this. I feel a physical hurt in my heart everyday when I think she is cheating. Im at a point where I am resigned to a life of lonliness which will be short-lived. I am haunted by constant thoughts of suicide and find myself welcoming death. Not being able to trust has destroyed me in every capacity. I pray that it will get better because anyone who I've reached out to about it has written off as something I'll grow out of. As of this post I am 26. I have been dealing with this issue since I was 19. I can't do too many more years of this. As a previous poster mentioned I may try to have many short term relationships because that seems to work as a way of numbing the pain and paranoia.

The issue is serious. If you find something that works for you please share.
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Re: Why can't my mind let me trust her

Postby Wally58 » Sat Apr 02, 2016 11:28 am

Welcome to the forums. While this discussion is over 5 years old, I'm sure that the good advice given still stands.
The 'stinking-thinking' may not go away on its own and may flourish and fester if left untreated or un-dealt with. 26 is still young.
Begin with a thorough physical. Discuss this with your doctor. They may refer you on to a specialist for possible medication and therapy. It may save your life and hopefully make it a better world for you.
While most of the advise here is sound (and for free), it would be good to know that no other more serious issues aren't present. We can't tell that here and this feeling may not be something that we 'can simply talk you out of'.
If left unchecked this will hamper your life and those around you and you may never find love and acceptance.
It turned me into a mean old man who married his career. :mrgreen:
I agree that the situation is serious and merits investigation. Please begin with a good doctor exam. Best of luck to you.
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