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Retroactive jealousy

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Retroactive jealousy

Postby Tiger » Thu Dec 09, 2010 11:38 pm

Dear all,

I have a condition which I believe is titled retroactive jealousy. It is reliving my wife's previous relationships, particulary the sexual side of things. I become stressed and depressed and don't wish to talk to her when these images come to mind. I see them in full technicolor and it evokes emotions such as jealousy and rage.

I have searched for a cure but there is precious little on the subject. Naturally I know that it is irrational but I have battled with this for 15 years. I am happily married in every other way but this continues to blight our relationship. I have looked through books on CBT and they offer hope but I've not seen any reference to this particular condition. Can anyone help?
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby jasmin » Mon Dec 13, 2010 4:12 pm

Hello, Tiger! Maybe a therapist could help you deal with this. You might be able to slowly teach yourself not to react that way and send away the images and thoughts that come into your head.
Maybe you could keep something that reminds you of your wife's love and devotion with you and try to concentrate on it and the positive aspects of your relationship whenever those thoughts come back.
When you feel up to it, you could spend time with your wife to reinforce your bond, over and over again, during (if you can) or right after one of these episodes, or even before if you know that you're going to have one.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Tiger » Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:43 am

Thanks, Jasmin, some good suggestions there.

Does anyone know of any research/theory on this subject?
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby jasmin » Wed Dec 15, 2010 11:10 am

Hey, try asking in the Living with mental illness forum too, if you want, cause it gets more traffic.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby tisay » Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:27 pm

Oh my. I may have this exact same thing! I get terrible thoughts of my boyfriend's past relationships and I have very vivid visions. I may have to look into this. Good luck with all you do. I may contact you soon.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Tiger » Mon Jun 20, 2011 2:16 am

There's not a lot on this problem, have not seen any books or articles other than what is printed on the Internet but there seem to be a lot of people who suffer from this problem in varying degrees.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby jasmin » Tue Jun 21, 2011 5:28 pm

How are things going for you, Tiger?
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby jonlaw » Sat Oct 05, 2013 9:52 pm

I used to struggle with retroactive jealousy a ton. It seemed insurmountable. We married in our 30's, so we both had a ton of sexual partners, but hers haunted me. This guy's post helped me http://www.pdf-archive.com/2013/10/05/s ... s-past.pdf

I really do think that retroactive jealousy is a form of OCD and should be treated as such. Good luck!
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Brassmonkey » Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:05 am

May u ask if you guys feel this both while in the company of your significant other or when you aren't with them? Or both?
definition of stupid .... knowing the truth.... seeing the truth... yet still believing the lies.
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Re: Retroactive jealousy

Postby Brassmonkey » Sun Oct 06, 2013 2:19 am

Sorry I meant to say "May I ask?"
definition of stupid .... knowing the truth.... seeing the truth... yet still believing the lies.
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