Is it right to be mad at hubby 4 online friends?

I have been with the same guy for over three years. It has been extremely bumpy at times. He has it in his mind that I and every woman he has been with cheated on him. No matter how much I can argue the case, hes never wrong about his "hunches". He has been involved with these online areas where you can make "friends". Some of these sites are like the popular ones alot of ppl use but some are more leaning in the direction of dating, singles, etc. He always puts on these sites he is single and unattached. He has many female friends on these sites. I have read some of his messsages to these females and they tend to be sexual. He is highly defensive when I tell him of my findings and basically acts like its none of my business. On the other end of this spectrum, he demands to have my passwords to the two nationally known friends websites and feels he can question me about my "friends" whom are obviously just my friends(mostly female). He says hes earned this right because I am a lying cheater. We broke up for one month over a year ago. In that month he hooked up with a gal from his past and actually went to Washington State to see her and at one time was going to move there, we live in Missouri. I stayed with my mom and did nothing but he says he knows I did. He also has all kinds of females phone numbers which is also none of my business and still talks to his 2nd ex wife with whom he had no kids with. He monitors my phone records. What do I do?

It's obvious what you do - break up. He's controlling, suspicious, hypocritical, accusatory, etc. Why you have let things go this far is beyond me. Those who are so adamant when it comes to the infidelity of a significant other are often the cheater themselves.

Thanks Black Dove I appreciate the feedback. I think I knew what I really need to do, it was just nice to here someone else tell me so. I do not have any friends to talk to anymore and what family I was close to (like my mother who died in the last year) have passed away. Funny thing is my closest friend in the world quit talking to me within 3 months of meeting the guy I am with and this was long before it was really bad. She told me when I left him she would talk to me again, and she really is my best friend of over 20 years. I am afraid to bring anybody else I know around him because he even puts the make on my cousin. She has told me of 3 occasions of him asking her to flash him her chest. I called him out every time and he denies it. I do believe her because he has even asked me if I would ask one of my girlfriends if he could see her breasts. He tells me he just likes breasts and would not think of doing anything else. So, there you go, I can not ask anyone to come around because he is sick and embarrassing.

I am going to talk tough; leave...now, if you dont he is going to make your life a misery but I think you know that. This man is not worth your affection...be strong and get out.


best wishes
Appliepiexx

yeah, definitely leave. Not much else to say.

give him a chance if you WANT to. stick with rules and do not give him conditions. if he says no, or does not want to change or cooperate, don't let him get the best of you -- you'll only come out feeling worse.

or, like everyone else says, and if you are being honest -- don't even give him that chance.

Whether or not you leave him, here's what I recommend.

Know your self worth.
Don't settle for being treated less than you know yourself to be worth.
Decide what kind of relationship you're willing to live with indefinitely.
Decide under what circumstances you'll definitely leave him.
Make those circumstances/boundaries clear to him.. Crystal clear... and repeat yourself if necessary. You might make it an ultimatum.
If he doesn't respect those boundaries or has already crossed the line, leave him.
Additionally, seek professional help for issues that aren't deal breakers. If that doesn't work, then you'll have to decide whether or not you're willing to live with him "as is" for the rest of your life.

Best wishes to you both!