I'm at my wits end...I think I want to get out of the relationship I'm in. There have been some issues with my boyfriend that he has tried to work on, but I don't see any refreshing change in him. It's too exhausting being around him these days. I guess I'm writing this post to vent, and also if anyone has advice on how to deal with a severely emotionally sensitive boyfriend, I would greatly appreciate any input! Thank you for reading this.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year and a half now. After I got to know him better 3-4 months into the relationship, I realized that he's overly sensitive and emotionally reactive. He gets emotionally obsessed about the littlest things to the point of his attitude and reactions completely ruining a perfectly innocent, light, fun, enjoyable moment together. I don't even like spending time with him anymore because he's so self-absorbed. He has the emotional IQ of a 3 year old. (I am not saying that in a hateful way nor would I ever say that to him.) I care about him a lot but I crave the company of a mature man who is articulate, strong, patient and thoughtful. There is a huge difference here.
No one else I have ever known has been this way. How do you deal with a person like this? He sucks me into little emotional tiffs by saying or doing reactive things instead of maturely and nicely stating how he feels about something. It's like he suddenly zaps me with a snake bite (that's how it feels when he gets reactive out of no where). In an instant he takes something totally not about him so personally and it is truly beyond me how he got from point A to point B. I have no interest in responding to his immature outbursts anymore. I want nothing more than to completely ignore his outbursts and continue on with the original topic. For example, today I just saw him after 2 days of not seeing each other. He picked me up on his way to the airport so we could grab a quick cup of coffee since he won't be back in town till the weekend. We spent only 15 minutes together and it's left me totally mentally exhausted. In general conversation with him he suddenly criticized me on something I said that he took personally when we were talking about a topic totally objective to him. Apparently there's a button I pushed in his insecure head where he felt he needed to go on the attack. I was telling a story about a work situation with a client. I gracefully stayed course and tried not to give his odd attacking comments any power - just diffusing it, I continued with what I had previously been talking about. He wasn't satisfied. Instead of him figuring out a way to diplomatically talk with me like a real friend, it's like he couldn't move on in our conversation till he felt he hurt me "back" (in his imagined world that I hurt him) so he intentionally did some annoying things to get my attention like trying to wad up the trash and put it in my purse as I'm zipping my purse up and then also when I commented, "Perfect timing; it's only 4:45" (he needed to be heading towards the airport by 5) he said, "yeah, you can walk from here". Ok, what am I suppose to say to that "joke"? Is that really a joke? Anyway, I just ignored that comment of his and happily said "we're 15 minutes ahead of schedule-good we got to squeeze in seeing each other!, you know, trying to move on. Then again he said you can walk from here. It totally didnt fit into the coversation. I looked at him pleasantly, nonreactively, peacefully and said, "Why would you say that?" He said, "because you picked a fight with me earlier". The thing is, I DIDNT PICK A FIGHT with him! He is so sensitive he sees everything through these emotional glasses. Apparently something I said in my neutral story about my client hit a nerve of his but he was unable to maturely articulate what that was.
It's so exhausting just to have a simple conversation with him. I'm genuinely starting to think he has a mental illness or personality disorder of some kind. It's like everytime he sees me he has to have some sort of odd emotional interaction with me that goes back to I'm guessing his insecurities. I really don't get it. Whatever it is, it's not my style. I want to make the most of time I spend with people, especially 15 minutes when I won't see the person for several days. What's his problem? After he dropped me off, I kinda laughed to myself thinking that "encounter" was a complete waste of energy. What's the point of squeezing in 15 minutes to see someone, buying her coffee, criticizing her all the way home, and then making a joke that she can walk the rest of the way home. He directs this stuff at me so smoothly and casually to the point that I used to second guess myself, but I stopped spending a lot of time around him so I could figure out and pinpoint what the real problem is. - It's definitely his perception and emotional reactions, NOT ME. Is there anything I can say to a person like this to get them to understand they need to chill and be more of a friend than an antagonist all the time? ...ugh...I'm exhausted. I can't figure out the jist of his insecurity. I have told him in the past that he reads into things too deeply to the point that it is really invalid and unuseful to act on such cryptic thinking. Ughhhhhhhh.
The guy is overly sensitive and I can't stand being around him anymore. I wish he'd get a hold of himself because when he's acting mentally healthy, we are fine. Sometimes I wonder if he got on medication to stabalize his moods or thoughts and emotions it would help. How do you talk about this with someone though without them taking it the wrong way? I have never said anything derogatory to him nor would I want him to think I was insulting him, but he does have some issues that I think a psychiatrist might be able to help. It's beyond me and I'm tired of his problems making my life stressful. I'm truly at my wits end.