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How to trust again

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How to trust again

Postby IsabelHelena » Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:55 pm

Hello guys,

My story is delicate and I've been judged a lot by friends and myself because of the way it started.
When I met my husband, he was married, and we had a relationship for two months until he separated from his wife and assumed our relationship.
He never spoke ill of her to me, nor complained about her relationship with her, or made me promises. He simply broke away from her and informed me later, and gave me the choice to stay with him or not. The only thing I knew was that she had gotten pregnant to hold the wedding. Years later he assumed that he had separated because of me, but he did not want me to feel pressured to keep him out of pity.
Many people told me that I would pay for it, that he would betray me too, for I had destroyed a family. And then, after five years of relationship, a bomb dropped in my life, I discovered that he betrayed me with a girl 10 years younger.
According to him, they met 3 times sporadically that year, and that had meant nothing to him. This girl before I discovered everything, followed me, made friends with my friends, tried to become my friend and said to be solitary and new in the city, asked my hairdresser to leave her hair just like mine, made a tattoo just like he had there many years ago. A crazy one.
Our relationship was not very well at the time when it all happened, we were disconnected in a way, and I was not happy, but I would not betray him. The strange thing is that we met her sometimes in the bars of the city, and he always treated me very affectionately in front of everyone, he never seemed to be avoiding me or trying to pretend we were not well.
My husband said that for the first time in his life he felt so ashamed of himself.
I did not want anyone to know what happened, but he apologized to my mother and his mother, for they also trusted our relationship, and he needed their forgiveness to be with me. He did not ask me to stay with him, because he did not feel worthy of my love, and he had no right to ask for it, but would do anything within reach if I still loved him.
I decided to give him a chance, because we still loved each other very much. We suffered too much for almost a year. There were many tears, conversations, discussions, and a lot of work to rebuild the relationship. I had to listen to "I was paying my bill" and I feel ashamed to this day and afraid to be seen as the donkey who agreed to stay. At the same time, I do not want to believe that all people are bound to err forever.
He changed absurdly, and his change was not momentary, our relationship renewed.
Now, over a year later, I still have crises from time to time, he's a musician, and depending on the show he's going to do, I even panic.
Sometimes I can not believe in my heart that he has learned his lesson, but the truth is that he gives no reason for mistrust, and except what happened in the past, he never gave.
But sometimes any delay in answering the phone, or something like that, is enough for me to start thinking that something is wrong going on.
These phases come and go.
IsabelHelena
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