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Why Did My (Possibly BPD) Ex Finally Call Me??

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Why Did My (Possibly BPD) Ex Finally Call Me??

Postby avoidatallcost » Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:31 pm

Hi guys,

Me and my ex girlfriend, who I believe may have had some mental problems, broke up two months ago. She had many traits that to me point to a fair possibility she suffers from some kind of problem such as bpd/hpd/npd/trust issues/daddy issues I mean I'm not even sure really. She might just be young and immature. Most of my friends and people here say she had bpd traits with some narcissistic traits as well. We were only together for three months, but spent a lot of time together and things had gotten pretty serious and very fast. She consistently tore out my heart, constantly broke up with me over what I thought were rather silly issues. She once started an argument over a nutrition label, and another time she broke up with me because I refused to throw out an old porn dvd. After only about a month or two together she also demanded access to my laptop and iphone passwords. So she had some pretty serious trust issues that probably helped push me to do the very thing she feared..

During some of these breakups I found refuge with an ex of mine. At the time it was the only way I felt I could maintain my sanity. There were times I felt I needed to leave for good, but I loved her intensely and always went back stupidly thinking it could work. She manipulated me to the point that I kept coming back, and In the process I hurt myself, my friendships, and my family.
Well anyways, she found out about the cheating by finding out the number of the OW and calling her. All hell broke loose, and she came to my house and after a big blowout she cried and yelled at me and basically stormed out telling me to never call her again or she'd call the police.
At this point she blocked me everywhere and let me know it.

I went strict No Contact. Two weeks later, she called me and we met up at local mall. She told me we are on a break. She cried, I cried, basically I asked her not to do anything too crazy. She unblocked me.. I messaged her that night but she never responded which I thought was weird, but understandable considering what I had put her through. She then went to Mexico, and when she came back I called her several times and when she finally called me back we had a terrible conversation in which she told me she had had sex with some guy while on vacation.

At this point, we got into an argument and she once again blocked me. Her last words to me at that point were that she was not yet ready to talk to me and that she'd contact me when she was ready.
At that point I went strict NC. I didn't really have a choice as I was blocked everywhere again.
So anyway.. three months of NC went by. Never heard from her. I thought about her all the time, and after the first month or two I lost all hope I'd ever hear from her again.

The other day, out of the blue, she called me. You can probably guess how shocked I was to hear from her after almost three months of total silences. She said she needed help, she asked me if I could correct a personal statement she had written for some upcoming beauty pageant she is participating in. I told her of course I would. I asked her if she was ok, and she asked me how I was doing and what was new. We talked a bit, and she told me the last three months since the breakup she had been depressed. She cried a few times. So the conversation was short, and after we were done I got to work and corrected her personal statement. I wrote her an email asking her what does she think of my corrections, and that I was happy to hear from her as I had been very worried about her. However, after sending the email I realized I accidently forgot to attach the document with the corrections.

We spoke again the next day. It was a much longer conversation, and we really caught up. She told me she was heading out to a job interview late in the evening for a club bottle service hostess position. So I said to her, why doesn't she come over after and I can prepare her a healthy meal like old times? (in the past I prepared our meals when we worked out because when i'm on a cut I need to know what goes in my food). She said she had been overseas working as a flight attendant and wanted to see her family as she had not seen them for a couple days. I told her ok sure, no problem let me know after you're done. She never called.

This was a couple days ago. She has not said anything about the missing corrections which was the whole point of her getting in touch with me, yet I know she read my email because she referred to some things I had mentioned in it during our second conversation.

What is going on here? I know I am probably overthinking this but I need to get some advice from you guys before I decide to either try to move on, or hope that we might get back together.

1. Is she testing the waters to see if I am still willing to see her?
2. Did she just need help with her corrections and it was all business?
3. Did she message me just because she was lonely and missed me?
4. Did she message me just to see if I still loved her and to torture me more?

I find it strange she refused to see me after not having seen each other for 3 months. And I'm not totally sure, but I think her excuse not to see me was kind of a poor one because who is going to see their family at 10 pm on a Wednesday and especially since they all live together anyway? And it had only been a couple days since she saw them whereas she has not seen me for almost 3 months. But I don't know maybe it's true. Or maybe she just isn't ready yet or even willing to see me at all.
I'm thinking she might be cautious about getting involved again. Does she still have feelings? Can she be still in love with me or has she moved on?

So upset here. Please give me some clarity. I love her, but I can't go through the pain of being treated like an emotional tampon and being used for when she needs me. Not sure if it helps, but I did not make any of the more classic mistakes that generally seem to repel exes when you want to get back together with them: other than asking her to come by and that it had been a while since I had seen her, I didn't tell her I loved her, or missed her, or that I needed her and I certainly didn't cry.
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