Is she over me totally / Venting off

Story in brief
Sarted seeing a girl from who is apart of the same running club as me. we were seeing each each other for around 4 months and then she dumped me, saying she lost feelings for me. I think I was too much as she has been single for three years and she is independant person.

It would be a little easy if we weren't in the same club but I see her afew times a week and we have same friends so she will turn up. A few weeks ago she told me not to contact her as I was doing everything wrong and text her too much. She then blocked me on facebook but I unfriended her first so I couldn't message her.

Full Story

I was in an eight-year relationship, which ended last year in August; we were slowly drifting apart over the last three years due to a number of reasons. I joined a running club about 6 years ago and got more involved in it, which meant doing more running sessions over the week in the evening, going races at the weekend and social runs with a pub visit afterward.

Last year my ex went on holiday for a month during June/July so I was out a lot more with people from the running club and incidentally one particular girl, Sarah (not real name) who I briefly knew for the past year but we only saw each other a few times at races or other parties.

We got friendlier over the month and as we lived near each other would walk home from a couple of the running sessions a week. Over a week it progressed to messaging each other and generally chatting with a little flirting I guess. It got to a point where we would sit on a bench near her home and chat for about an hour (she was living her housemate) before I went home and went on to seeing each other outside of running but with mutual friends.

We were getting along pretty good and had very similar humor and interests. She was into her long distance trail running, the same as me. August she had gone on holiday for a week but we were messaging each other every day, both initiating the text messages.

On a Saturday evening, she was coming back from her holiday on the train and I was coming back from a race I was helping out at and were both constantly text each other about going to a mutual friends birthday pub crawl where we met up. Before this, I text my current girlfriend at the time that I was going for a quick drink and would be home soon.
Basically, that night ended with me Sarah kissing pretty passionately most the night in the club, I guess it was sexual tension. I got home at 7 am where my girlfriend was going to work and not too happy with me. I went straight to bed and woke up at 10 am where I got a text from Sarah saying her head was sore etc, I asked her if she wanted to meet up for breakfast and talk about what happened. We talked but not what really happened, we had breakfast and then walked to the tube station where we held hands whilst walking and kissed each other and went our separate ways.

The next day my girlfriend found the messages and I explained what happened on Saturday and said I would move out. I told her things hadn’t been right for a while. I told Sarah what had happened.

Before this had happened a running holiday had been arranged in France with another friend from the running club and Sarah. During the trip she felt distant and occasionally we had some time together but as we were in a group not much, which was fine.

When we arrived home we got a taxi from the train station and went back towards her place as I could get a bus home. I walked to her house and was about to kiss her but she became hesitant and told me she thought I just wanted to be friends. I kind of got in a mood then started to walk away but she called me back to go to her place to talk (her flatmate was away). She told me she wasn’t very good in relationships and had been single for three years and her last relationship was a little messy. At the time I said I was fine to carry on what we were doing casually and if things got too much then we could stop. She seemed happy with this, we hugged and she said I could sleep at hers but on the sofa, as it was pretty late at this point. I lay down on the sofa and she was about to kiss me but pulled away.

The next morning she made us breakfast and I left to go home. She was going to see her friend that day and I went to a friend’s bbq. I think I text her and we arranged to meet up later in the evening where we both had a few drinks during the day so a little tipsy. The night ended with us kissing and having sex.

Things progressed over the next couple of months with me asking if we were still casual but she said it was more dating at this point but she wanted to take things slowly still which again was fine, at times I probably got too carried away and pushy but was always fine if she didn’t want to meet sometimes. She moved into a new apartment during our time. I said if you need help just asked and she said definitely so I was around her new place when she moved in etc.

During this whole time, we were still seeing each other at the running club and we had similar social circles so were around each quite a lot, plus some weekends away for races. She did have her own time though and separate weekends away so weren’t in each other’s pockets the whole time.

End of October we spent pretty much a whole week together in the evening, I stayed over at her apartment on the Friday and the next day we went to a cross country race together where our friends from the running club would be. She felt distant from this point but seemed ok at the pub in our group. We went back to her place that night and the next day we spent most the day together but in the evening I talked to her and said would it better to go back being friends and even though I regretted it afterward she said yes but still said she was fond of me.

So from that evening on for the following week I did everything wrong and text her asking to get back etc blah blah.

The following Sunday we were going to be at a Marathon together. We hadn’t seen each other for a week and on a Sunday morning she texts me to see if I was on my way to the marathon and where she would be at the start (I got a lift from the friend). When I got there we talked a bit before the start. I was waiting for my friend who came in after Sarah we got chatting and I told her my time (which was my target time) and said she was proud of me, then hugged each other. I got home and text her to see how she was and said she could use her apartments sauna to relax, she said I could come around but not to make things complicated, which I didn’t and it was pretty relaxed and nothing happened but just chatting.

I sent her flowers on the Tuesday with a small note which she said “Thanks”. I saw her on the Wednesday evening at the running club where we both helped out but that particular evening they offer wine and cheese so we got drunk eventually went home together as we live near each other. She held my hand on the train and when we got off started kissing.

The following week we seemed to be back where we left off before me suggesting being friends based on the situation at the time. We saw each other three times that week, one I initiated but seemed alright, the second time was through a running club friend leaving drinks and the third was arranged by another mutual friend where we went to the cinema. I tried to distance myself a little so as not be too clingy although she became pretty playful throughout the night. I was the last in the cinema and the seat that was left was next to Sarah, we were messing around during the film and had a good time, holding hands etc.

The weekend went all right although I could sense her becoming distant again. We spent Saturday evening together but Sunday she said she needed some space so she was becoming distant again. By Tuesday she told me she had no feelings for me and that she did try to make the relationship work.

So once again I did everything wrong and went into panic mode and started text, text the following week or so. Months before all this started she had bought tickets to see a show for my birthday (beginning of December), which she did take me, although I was a little hesitant but it was a nice evening and we had a good time but nothing happened. She also invited me to her flat warming party with our mutual friends a few days after my birthday.

I tried to calm down after this point a week went by and I text her but friendly, she would reply back and that was it so I was initiating the text at that point.

Someone from the running organised a night out where I didn’t know/think she would be there but she was and kind of surprised me. It was a good night; we didn’t talk to each other, just acknowledged each other and told her she was looking nice. I was talking to other people that night and another girl seemed interested but I didn’t do anything as Sarah occupied me. At the end of the night, Sarah and her friends went home and others went to another club. I should have gone the club but I was a little pissed off and went home but ended up going to Sarah’s place and asking to talk (uninvited). She was not happy and told me to go home, she texts me afterward to say not to contact her and stop following her. That night I had to unfriend on face book just to stop me stalking and all that rubbish. The next morning I saw she blocked me.

I haven’t talked to her for the last two weeks over Christmas and New Year. I went to a club race on New Year's day to watch and run around, I never knew but she was there helping out but we didn’t acknowledge each other or say anything, the same in the pub when we were right next to each other talking to different people.

I cracked the other day and sent a letter explaining I was kind of getting used to the idea of us not together and understood why she had to step back from the relationship (I was too needy, pushy), told her I regretted what I did and was a major mistake and apologised, among other things.
It took me a few days to write it but thought by the time I sent it things didn’t seem clear so the day after I sent it I text her to say it was crazy that we couldn’t acknowledge each other at least considering we see each other at club events, maybe social circles. She replied saying I was right but as she told me before not to contact her.

She hates me (although hate is a strong word) or definitely thinks I’m a ****head.

I did everything wrong at the end, changed from the person she was attracted too and became too needy. Maybe me coming from a long-term relationship had something to do with it.

I still like Sarah, just a pain when I see her a couple times a week through the running club.

I know you have to work on yourself at these times, which I am doing. My running hasn’t been affected, if anything getting faster. Whilst I was seeing the girl she did help me with my CV as I was looking for a new job so with Christmas I’m back on that and doing more of my own work. Just generally getting out.

Unfortunately, it still doesn’t stop me thinking about her and if there will be a chance of getting back. I will say the sex wasn’t ideal at times but I don’t know if that had something to do with how the relationship was.