Hi - I would be very thankful to anyone who could give me advice here. I have been "dating" a man I care for very much for nearly 7 months. Throughout the course of this "relationship" his behavior has been bizarre at times and I have been doing research and think he may be struggling with Avoidance issues.
It's a very long story, but essentially he's been playing a game of what I think is "push/pull" since our first date. The first date was wonderful. He kissed me, asked me out again that night...followed up texting for hours that same night saying how excited he was to see me again... but from there I had to take control. We had a beautiful second date that I initiated and we were intimate (physically). We spent the whole day together and it was truly just a beautiful day. From there, he avoided me. He does have a very busy job (odd hours) but he was always busy. The casual talking and flirting ensued for a number of weeks -- with him taking several days in between responding, etc. I accidentally left an item at his house and after a month or so of this behavior I pressed to get the item from him. He canceled on me the first time we were supposed to meet to get it and finally I went back to his house to get it. He was friendly, but distant, and very much didn't seem to be trying to be close at all while I was there. I thought it was over. About two weeks later he texted me apologizing. I said I accepted it, but it never really moved forward. We spoke off and on with casual convo (that I initiated) after that about friendly things like sports, work, etc. but one day he stopped responding. I took it that he wasn't interested and moved on.
About 6 weeks later he reappeared... asking why I never called and asking if i didn't like him or think he was good looking. I was so confused. Of course I responded positively and we had very open honest conversation for a number of weeks. He told me about his issues (he pushes people away or finds a problem with them, he's selfish, he always needs all the attention) and I was very open. He just can never find time to see me. It came to a head when I was coming to see him and he stopped responding to me. I turned around and sent him a message asking what happened. A week later he again apologized saying how sorry he was and he fell asleep (Again, the crazy work schedule thing) and how he's just so wrapped up in work right now and he hopes I can forgive him but understands if I don't want to talk to him again. I did not respond to him that evening but did the next day and asked him to call me back. He didn't. I initially started back up casual / non confrontational convo off and on and he's responded until recently when he didn't. The last conversation we had was very positive. He mentioned wanting to see me and potentially setting up plans for the following weekend. But then nothing...
Please help. How do I let him know (if I haven't already) that I understand him and want to be with him despite his flaws? Or do you think he has no interest in continuing?